Is it fair that my children spend the summer with my ex husband and the woman who tore apart our marriage?

at the end of our marriage he had an affair, i told him to make a choice and he walked out on me and the kids so i moved from texas to phila...he then cried said hed follow us up there, and a month later he called had to admit he was seein her and the affair cuz i had to get tested for hpv because she had it.....the problem is..in 6 months i been here he hasn't visited them once...he pops in an out through phone calls going over a month at times not calling he forgot our sons bday and now summer comes an he wants them im fine under the stipulation he dosnt work 80 hours aweek...i don't want this woman whome ive never met and dont know watching my children because they live together now at this point...YA only 6 months after we split up...all i know is she tore apart our family....idk what to do he says im being selfish and wrong and i don't think i am....

jude

i wouldn't let him have the kids unless the court tells u that u have to. and u can hold it up and cause him to have to spend allot of money to take u back into court, i would not want the woman who broke up my marriage to even be around my kids. why has he suddenly changed and wants the kids? i would wait for the courts to decide.

Observer

As long as your children are happy, why worry about fair or not? Adults fighting in front of the children will affect them in a negative way.

yoadriannejohnson

you a woman hurt, i dont blame you but all things aside your x will do to her what she did to you, try to put our feelings aside and see that your kids want to see there dad you can't change that just be an adult it hard i know but after all at least your x wants to see his kids some x out there don't even bother to see their kids. so count your lucky stars that he wants to see them. my x lives 5 minutes away from his daughter and he doesn even bother with her.

i8pikachu

They're spending time with their father. Period.

marina

If you have a court document that specifies an amount of time he has the kids in the summer, I would follow that to the letter. If not, let him take you to court for visitation.

If he hasn't visited in all this time, he will probably not visit at all pretty soon.

Hang in there.

Right. If it's not in the court papers, then don't do it! As much as you do, he can use it against you saying it is the norm. Your kids need a good father, and if he can't take time to visit them he is selfish. Not you. DO NOT GIVE HIM MORE THAN WHAT THE COURT ORDERS. or he can and will use it in court.

albrightlesa

Do not do anything that is not court ordered

Kasey

okay well im assuming that the two of them are not married and as far as im concerned you dont have to allow YOUR children to be around anyone that you dont know feel comfortable with... now with stipulations intact you can make an effort to come to some sort of agreement with him let him know you dont want her around the kids. my husband had an affair on me and during the time we were split up and he was seeing her i would allow him to see our son whenever he wanted but she was not allowed to be around him end of story. either he can respect that or he wont then you will have to make the decision of do you think it is healthy for your children to be around her??? i got lucky my husband did what i asked of him and kept his relationship with her seperate for his relationship with his son. now if they end up married there will be nothing you can do about your children being around her. but for the time being you can allow your children to see who you find fit and keep them away from those you do not!!!!! although it is not a good idea to use your children as a weapon or to fight with their father in front of them you do have a say so in what goes on in their lives like i said before they are YOUR children!!!!!

Shannon

Did you divorce? You can't just take the kids out of state.
You have to stay within 100 miles or else you have to get his permission depending on his visitation and custody rights.

If he moved out and had the affair he gave up a lot of rights; you don't have to do any of this stuff. Get a lawyer and get a formal divorce. You'll get almost everything.

Mike the man

stop blaming someone else your husband left you that woman didn't do anything to you and your family you and him failed your marriage take some responsibility and stop wanting to blame someone else.

Jery E

i'll bet you did your share of tearing apart the family. you got chubby, started wearing sweatpants, and he needed some sweet loving and all you wanted to do was watch tv and eat bon bons.

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