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P_P_K
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It's generally not very respectful. Marriage is a partnership, and one partner should not make large, unilateral financial decisions without including the other partner. |
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Mickey Mouse Spears
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Usually the husband and wife will decide how they handle personal finances. Really, it's only wrong if the wife get's upset. Then again, would she complain if it were a diamond? |
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Aurora
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On my birthday my husband bought a diamond ring that cost 1k. I found the receipt and told him he could take it back right away.
That was two or three weeks ago. Today, I am glad that I told him to take it back, I am glad I found that receipt, because had he gone through with that purchase, there would be no money in the bank.
I don't think it is OK for me to sport a huge rock, but not have money in the bank. I hate the thought. I'm not too crazy about the diamond studs he got either, I would prefer a pair of gold hoops, but I didn't say anything. It's the thought that counts.
Diamonds are not my best friend. Cash is. |
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tammy c
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Is it a gift for her? If it is something that will cause them both financial difficulty then No it is not ok. If it is something that he can pay himself without taking away from what they have going to gether then it should be fine. I do believe that part of marriage is sharing decison making and respect for the other persons views. Perhaps the relationship they have is different. |
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bugjrmom
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No, both parties should know about big purchases. If it is a gift, then the other party should be given a heads up about the price range or be told right after, so she knows where they stand. Hiding purchases is dishonest and no marriage should have dishonesty. |
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maria r
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usually a husband and wife talk about how they are going to spend the weekly money,,,if he already know how much money they have to spend and he really needs to buy the item i dont see a problem....but if they are in a budget and he goes out and buy the item and the item is not for an emergency than is not right that he did not discussed it with his wife... |
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Kitty
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Depends on the situation. My husband purchases high-priced items all the time - home theatre and computers are his hobby, and this stuff is mighty expensive; most of the time, I don't even know how much it costs, and don't really want to know (I think, the new video projector he just bought was like several grand). But hey... he works his a** off to make the money; he pays all the bills, including the mortgage; he's as financially responsible as they get. I trust his judgement completely when it comes to purchases, he doesn't need to run everything by me; if he buys it, means we can afford it. End of story. |
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mamayer6
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no, husband and wife make those decisions together .Only exception would be if he safed the money from a side job or something on that order to purchase it. As long as it comes out of check they use to live off of no he should not purchase big items. 2 people make that decision |
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lina
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it's not really fair. No. |
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GuZZiZZit
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Depends on the iteam i guess. But heck, if he's working and supporting the family i think it's fine. Men need there toys too. |
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helplessromatic2000
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The only reason a spouse would make a large purchase without notifying their partner is because they know the purchase is either slightly irresponsible, or their spouse wouldnt approve. In any healthy marriage, major decisions are joint ones. |
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Stefy
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It is not proper. I agree that it is fine unless it is for her, but usually it gets girls kinda mad because you don't take them into consideration. If she is your wife then you have to include them in EVERYTHING that you want to buy or do. It's just how it is when you're married. |
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?
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that depends on who its for ,and what purpose. And who's money it is he's spending. If its for you , and your not his wife. think about it, how would you feel? |
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Drew Peacock
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it depends on what the individuals involved have decided.
As a general rule, it's not proper or right to do this. Marriage is different from a boy/girlfriend situation; people living together
This is the problem that we face today with singletons marrying late and with individualistic thinking where people feel free to choose when to give how much or if at all during marriage.
I have an answer to this, but first let me look at the problem:
this would mainly affect someone used to their general independance and financial autonomy who doesn't want to be alone or who falls in love and yet is unwilling to recognise the inherent responsibility and dependance that marriage embodies.
That's how you get issues like this, where before it was natural for people to discuss where they were headed in life and how they will spend their lives (which undeniably means how they'll spend their money and their time together, but life nowadays is complicated.
There is an answer to this: communication and co-operation.
Otherwise everything falls apart. Doing something like that calls yoru partner's trust, and your own reliability into question. It builds very unncessary insecurities especially if the buying party knows that the partner wouldn't appreciate the buyer's decision.
One way to deal with this is to make sure that all debts and living costs are talied up and then split down the middle every month.
This will work for people who earn roughly the same amount which is far from everyone.
Bills still need to be paid so given that they have been sorted through whatever standing arrangement there is, then people should discuss what the surplus should go towards.
Or everyone lives separately and money's not discussed/ or one person pays bills another pays the mortgage and everything else, no questions asked.
The best arrangement is for both parties to sit & discuss everything logically with appropriate room for compromise and reevaluation. Most people are not that reasonable when it comes to money.
Anyway you look at it, whether each partner agreed that thsi should happen or not, for a married man to purchase a high priced itemwithout hsi wife knowing is selfish and against the point of what marriage is for. Even the state recognises that marriage is a union that involves financial dependance and flouting this responsibility goes against the faith, trust and loyalty that's supposed to bond two people into a marriage. |
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mcgang@sbcglobal.net
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If the two of you have combined accounts then high ticketed items should be discussed (my husband came home one day with a 750 four wheeler - not a good week)
If both people have their own accounts and takes care of their own business then I don't think so |
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tinbarnprimitives
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Well, I guess it is okay. Women have a tendency to buy things that they don't let their husband know about. Although, in my case it's usually small things and the price adds up over time. I am not sure what kind of item we are talking about here, but my opinion is you can't hide it forever. I buy things that my husband will ask me "where did you get that" after I have had it for several months and I say "oh, my mom got it or it was on clearance". Works everytime.
I think it is ok as long as it is not going to put you into bankruptcy or make you not be able to pay your electric and other necessities that month. The other reason could be if he is buying for another woman and that is way wrong!!! |
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etienne primeau
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It is not responsible for either he, nor she to buy high priced items without due consent and counsel with each other. It is, merely, a matter of utmost respect.
However, that is negated by the fact of, if the high priced gift was presented as such to the other. Then I am certain that there are no qualms coming from the interested and benefitted party.
But, in general I would say no. There is no reasons to go behind the wife or husbands back to purchase things that are costly without the mate's knowledge. |
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CiCi Elder
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It is best if couples agree in advance what constitutes a major purchase, and how much they will spend on any item without discussing it first. The amount of course depends on the couple's budget. But, as an example, if they have agreed to discuss any purchase over $500, then that's what they should do.
If there is no agreement in effect:
If you are the husband and have already made the purchase, come clean and discuss it reasonably.
If you are the wife and hubby made a purchase, discuss reasonable guidelines to prevent a future occurrence.
If you are a husband considering a major purchase, if it has to be a secret (and it's not a gift for her) then you probably already know it's going to cause trouble - don't do it. |
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2BKontinud
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No. My husband knows that we discuss the big purchases beforehand and we have to agree that we are going to spend the money. It shouldn't matter if one person makes most or all of the money, it should be a joint decision. It's just a sign of respect that he would include you in making the decisions. Unless of course it's a giant sparkly 2 carat rock set in 24 karat white gold for you. That, of course, is the exception. |
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dharp66
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Several considerations:
1) couples income level 2) is there parity in what each partner has as income, or does the husband make 90% of the home's income ? 3) was the basis of the marriage clearly articulated prior to the ceremony ?
Alright, with that being laid out, I suppose it would be a good idea to talk about marriage as a partnership of equals. On all levels and in every part of the relationship (regardless of income levels and the amount of $'s that each brings in) each person needs to feel that their ideas and concerns are given equal time.
My personal oppinon is that the answer is no. But, #3 for that couple may be very different from my perspective.
good luck, hope it works out |
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CHUCK
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That depends.. I think it just depends on how it hurt your bank account.. If it was easy to afford his purchase & he wanted it then what does it matter. On the other hand, If it put YOU in a bind then it's was a bad choice for him to make. You have to have some independence in your marriage. I'm sure you have purchased something he found to be not needed and he didn't say a word. |
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Traveler
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Depending on what it is, whose salary it is, and as long as she finds out eventually. No, she doesn't have to be there when he signs the papers for a motorcycle, but It would be nice for her to find out where her husband is going, for hours on end, on beautiful afternoons.
If you're the one working, if the family/household isn't directly affected because of the re-direction of some income, then it's ok for her to not be there.
If it's a pet, like a dog, and your wife doesn't want one, and you go buy one, then that's wrong. |
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seb
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IT DEPENDS ON THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE REALLY. I PERSONALLY WOULDNT WANT MY HUSBAND TO BUY SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUSLY EXPENSIVE BUT I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON WHAT THE ITEM IS. |
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Dianna R
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It really depends on the arrangement you two have - typically when the communication is frequent it is very shocking when a decision is made by your partner and he didn’t talk you first - but sometimes men need a little shopping spree like all girls do occasionally.
I would recommend two things
1) If what he brought dramatically hurts the income or money flow of the family then you need to sit down and communicate with him about why he can't just go spend X about of dollars with out talking to you
2) If it just shocked you and you can live with it - I would go online to see if you if you could have gotten what he brought cheaper to show if you were fine with the decision of him getting what he wants but you saved money
Good Luck
D |
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mookie0072002
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IT ISNT RIGHT FOR EITHER PARTY TO MAKE ANY PURCHASES WITHOUT THE OTHERS KNOWLEDGE! JUST OUT OF CONSIDERATION. |
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kj
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if it his money |
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guicho79
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She's gonna find out when you get home with that bigass plasma screen. My advice, don't even leave it open for discussion, how hard is it to say, hey, I'm buying this leather jacket. Period. I feel sorry for whipped guys. |
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skyehigh
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No, but then he'll never consider what YOU think before he acts, so who cares? |
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boatworker
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I don't know about proper.If I was the one spending the money, I would discuss it first. If She did the spending without asking(as long as it doesn't cause a financial hardship for the family) I wouldn't have a problem. |
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KirksWorld
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Technically "no", the marriage is upposed to be a partnership. However, many of us don't share the same interests.
I've done this two ways... 1) I'd buy the item, and then we'd go to the furniture store (her choice) and select something of about the same value. 2) In addition to my day job, I repair things for people. This "other money" was my "mad money" to spend as I please. She does the same with money she makes on the side with craft sales or child sitting.
Works for us! |
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