Is it really possible to fall out of love for no reason?
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Is it really possible to fall out of love for no reason?
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Well...it's been dropped on me. Out of no where, with no signals or changes in actions or attitudes my wife of 7 years has up and said that she is no longer in love with me. None of her friends have seen this coming, she never said anything to them about her feelings, or lack of them. She said that it's be happening over the last 6 months. Again, no one, including her close friends have seen this coming. They are in shock and feel she is messing up something great. One actually went so far as to say that she didn't agree with her that she didn't love me and that she was stupid to leave me. Especially after bragging about me to her friends and coworkers so often over the last few years to just up and decide she wants out. By the way, we have 3 beautiful childeren ages 7, 5, and 3. Is it even possible to "just" fall out of love with someone? When asked why, either by me or her friends, she has no answer...not even a bad answer...just no answer. Thanks in advance. Additional Details And to add, I gave her an ultimatum. Either I'm worth fighting for and we go to couseling, or I'm not and if she leaves it is over for good. We are going to counseling next month.
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NickyO
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More likely that she never loved you to begin with. |
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Kitia_98
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I think it is possible. People do grow apart and relationships require work and patience.
Counselling could really help, I think. There may be a lot behind it. If you never saw it coming, it's possible something has been brewing. Only time will tell. |
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Ted747
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women are never happy with anything. they find any excuse for whatever and i am sick and tired of it |
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1smartmama
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That has got to be the most romantic story I've heard in a long time. Thanks for reminding me what marriage is about.
I also have been questioning my marriage. I love him too much to let our love get put aside for petty reasoning. Good luck . |
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Song_bird
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Sometimes as women we get bored with our partners and feel different from minute to minute. I think she may be confussed or she has a reason and isn't telling you. If you truly love her show her by giving her your full attention and dont give up without a fight. I get bored with my husband sometimes mainly because he ignores me alot and works all the time and i have left several times thinking i didn't love him anymore but felt empty without him. I sometimes wish he would be there for me more...I guess what i'm saying is sometimes as women we just want to feel loved and appreciated. Talk to her and try to save the marriage. To many people give up to easily. |
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Jerdy
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this things happened! |
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pretty
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It's always a reason. |
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Lonewolf
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I really think that she is suffering from a form of depression. She could also be using this as some sort of mind game to play with you to see if you really do love her or not.
My ex, for no reason what so ever, begin "falling out of love" with me shortly after we had our second child. Now as I look back on it, she had all the symptoms of post-partum depression. She also has ADD, which I don't know if it has anything to do with her depression. I have tried everything possible to save the marriage and seek professional help (both of us), but she was unwilling to work it out. She filed the divorce papers and left me in ruins.
I don't believe the fact that no one knew this was coming. Something like this doesn't just happen over night. Someone knew about her intentions long before they occured. They are just trying to butter up or cover up the situation. Best friends are also worst enemies. Look back and see if you notice any sudden changes in your wife's life that may have caused this to happen. Also look back and see if her mood, personallity, work habits, etc. changed. If they did, that could be a starting point.
You can suggest counseling or seeking professional help, but unless she is willing to help herself, there really isn't a whole lot you can do. Get yourself an attorney and just be prepared just in case she "surprises" you again with a summons of divorce.
It's a shame that you have children involved in this ordeal. Do the best you can to provide for them and care for them. DO NOT talk badly about their mother, neither in front of them or to others. Words said, regardless to whom, can get back to their ears and they will be left to decide what it right or wrong. DO NOT fight with the kids present. The children may be young, but they aren't dumb. I have a 5 yr old and a 4 yr old and they both know what is going on between my ex and I. It's hard, trust me, to know that they are put into a situation like this. I know it's hard to know that they are scared and confused about the situation. Do your best. That is all anyone can expect from you.
Don't converse with her freinds or family about your plan of action. They will tell her and she will be one up on you. You can of course carry conversations with them, but be careful as to what you say. Listen carefully to what they also say as it may have reference to the situation. Find out any and all evidence that may help you, in the event that she or you file for a divorce. I pray that divorce won't be the option you use, but do what needs to be done.
I do hope that my advice is of some help. And I pray that you and your wife will be able to work things out, whether together or moving on with your lives. I also pray that the children won't be used as a means of "leverage" by either party. That the children be brought through a "peaceful" transition, even though no one comes out ahead in a divorce. Good luck. |
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pacific_crush
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In all honestly, I don't think that was love. You deserve something more and she does too, but you could probably work it out. Fall in love all over again. |
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?
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no. i don't think it's possible to fall out of love with out a reason. if u feel like this then maybe love was never there to begin with. |
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RUA DOC
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I know this is not easy but put your trust in the Jesus Christ and he will give you strength. I will pray for you guys. Go to a christian counselor to give you biblical advice for free. The Author of the Bible knows everything about everything and He can help you guys.
Fall in love with Jesus. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. |
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Tiger
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Love is powerful |
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John E
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Back up. Let's go to the 3 year old. After your wife had the last kid did she start acting different? If so then she may have Post Partum Depression- throwing that out as a possibility, not a probability. Does she treat the first 2 kids like gold and is luke warm on the third, is a definite sign also.
When a chick falls out of love, possible hormone issues affecting her. |
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china
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YES IT IS ......ITS HAPPENED TO ME |
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™Spaceman™
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yes |
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spindoccc
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It's definitely possible. Don't even bother to look for a reason. The thing most people don't get though is that falling "out of love" isn't necessarily a reason to end a marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and the idea that love will always stay as fresh as they day you met...that's generally not the case. |
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poptrash
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Thats really sad especially for your kids.I can understand how these things happen though,I've been married for 15 years and have two young kids our marriage has become very much like good friends or brother and sister like in recent times but we've been lucky enough to work it out.Everyday life becomes mundane with every day the same maybe she misses the excitement you had before the kids came along try to have romantic time for the two of you to really talk.I hate to say this but is there a possibility she has found someone else? Hope everything works out for you you sound like a really decent man and a lovely family.goodluck |
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mymymissmai
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well...either she has an interest in someone else (which i assume that has crossed your mind) or she just got fed up with the love life. like she misses the single life, the life where she can be care free and have no responsibilty. you can't have that kind of life with a husband...
i don't know exactly what she's really thinking, but there is absolutely a reason why she wants to leave. and you're not an idiot...it's common sense that you "just" don't fall out of love for no reason. there's a reason alright. |
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mom w/2kids
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it happenes |
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cherries
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i belive so |
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Jakob the Liar eats Gumbo Shrimp
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I suppose it is possible. But love is much more than what she thinks, perhaps. It may be she was infatuated with you for a long time, as many newlyweds are. Once this fades, perhaps some think they are no longer in love. But that's not true. All couples that have been together for decades say this happens, but you have to ride it out and realize you're in love, but some of the newness of it all is gone.
Otherwise, maybe she married you for the wrong reasons and never realized it until now. |
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horrible wife
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its not that you actually fall out of love with someone but that is sometimes how one thinks especially out of anger, hurt, or even and im sorry to say it boredom. and if she is willing to go to coulsling with you shows she does love you and she is willing to fight for you. thats a def plus. but you guys in the mean time need to work together to find out if there is any problems in your marriage and work on them together. you guys need to sit down and figure out what the p roblem is and what you both can do you to fix them. remember it takes two people to fix a problem not just your working on keeping your marriage together. Good Luck. |
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charlies mom
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Have you ever heard of the seven year itch? It does happen. If both of you want to save the marriage, you can. But it won't happen over night. Just as falling out of love doesn't happen overnight! |
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uncledad
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Mental illnesses come in many forms and from many causes.
I am glad beyond my ability to express that you two have identified yours and are able to take the actions needed.
Has she also had one on one with a good therapist... as my only fear is that she may be 'playing' happy for everybody...
Other than that it is great to hear happy endings(I know there are more but few ever follow up with a thanks or the rest of the story- thank you and for those that follow up(email etc)) |
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kelsey
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good for you |
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krazy4hd
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stuff happens, and there's always a reason. i've been with my husband 18+ years (married almost 14), and i realized about four years ago that the magic was gone. we've tried and tried to make it work, but it just ain't happening, mostly because the things that were/are making us unhappy are things he refuses to acknowledge are problems. even his friends think of us as the perfect couple and don't understand how i can be unhappy. maybe that's what's happening with you & your wife? could there be "issues" that are being overlooked because you don't want to see them?
bottom line...you need to have a long, heart-felt talk with your wife, and if she can't or won't give you a proper answer about her feelings (which you deserve after seven years of marriage), it's time to think about moving on. love absolutely does not have to last forever (and rarely does, in my opinion). |
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cristanine
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Looks like there must of been some kind of warning and you knew it. You can't possibly tell me that you didn't see it coming.
Now that she has had the courage to tell you how she feels, that doesn't put you in a very great position with children involved as well and she now is less intractable.
She has found fault in you or has found joy in someone else. If you want to try to keep that marriage alive, your going to have to make a 360o turn around and you best show it if you love her and really want her and have no fault in her otherwise it will not work.
If you have loved her so much and done so right, why would she want to leave a Man that treats her like a Princess is just one way of looking at it. |
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Mike
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Oh yeah, it happened to me. During the course of life, people are affected by their environment. Kids, jobs, hobbies, friends and everything in general changes a person. I know I have. My wife and I just slowly drifted apart. No hating or fighting, no drugs, alcohol or money problems, it just happened. We let day to day life come between us. If you don't put each other first - above all else, kids included - the gap between you begins to widen. And sometimes, before you know it, the love's gone. You become unhappy room mates. When that happens, I don't think you can make someone re-love you. You are who you are, and you're both simply at where you're at in your lives and relationships. I believe everything happens for a reason. If she won't go to counseling, go yourself. It may get you some answers. Good luck. BTW, don't post your comments afterwards, we / they won't see them. You have to hit reply. |
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Van_Wilder
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Hey all power to ya!!
I think its awsome that you want to work it out! |
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jimrich
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that she has 'no answer' tells me there's something she won't/can't say about it. sometimes it takes a little practice and training to speak our truths.
have you always been a good listener? |
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