Is it unreasonable to expect a man to come home after work and clean?

Jay Sharky

After a long workday, I'm usually too tired to help around the house. I'd rather just unwind by watching some tv or check email or answer questions! I'm more willing to help before going to work when I'm not as tired. Try asking your boyfriend what he would prefer. Maybe he'll help out more on his days off?

stanno

If you both work then you should both do some housework.

yesyou

Do you work and if you dont then no it isnt reasonable.

Wicked Stepmother

If you work too there is nothing wrong with him doing his share. If you don't work then you should be doing your share by keeping the house tidy, etc.

Blake

if he's working full time and your not working at all you should give him a bit of a break. He should clean up here and there but every day when he gets home from work would be quite a nuisance.

opetke

Not a silly question. A very good question. And most couples get it wrong. So it's good that you asked.

Look, here is the straight dope:

MEN DON'T CARE ABOUT A METICULOUSLY CLEAN HOUSE!

We'll pick stuff up so other people don't step on it.....but we DON"T CARE about dusty corners or vaccuming under the couch.

When we come home, we're tired, we're stressed, and we don't want to clean the house.

Now if you're also working, you're tired, you're stressed, and you don't want to clean the house alone.

But you still want a clean house.

This leads to a conflict. You're angry that he won't help. He's angry because he wants to unwind. And both of you are more focused on your OWN wants rather than your partner's.

And that is when break ups happen.

So here is what you do: While dating, you can't solve this problem.

No force on Earth will make him WANT to clean that house. And no force on Earth will make you NOT WANT a clean house.

But, if and when you get married, plan on staying at home. That way, you'll have adequate time to budget, cook, clean, and care for the children. You'll have all day to clean the house and keep it cozy.

Meanwhile, when he gets home, he's thankful that the house is clean and he can rest. He feels safe. He feels unstressed. He is happy.

And you're happy because the house is clean, your husband is home, and the both of you can spend time together (no running around the house, frantically trying to catch up with laundry and dishes).

Seriously, in order to be happy, one partner needs to stay home and the other needs to have a job.

That is why more and more women (even educated ones) are opting for domestic engineering. It really makes everything better.

Give it some thought.

Good Luck!

Megafunk

Well it depends how much you do also. If you don't work, and your boyfriend more or less "keeps" you, then no, I would not expect him to do anything when he comes home from work, every household thing should be done by you while he earns the dough. Now on the other hand, if you also work a full time job, then yes, I would expect the household chores to be shared. Its only fair.

Scott L

If you are not working then that should be your contribution. if you are then it should be 50-50

Dgetch

I think that depends. Do you work? If you don't then I think it is unreasonable for you to expect him to clean around the house when he gets home from working all day. You should take some responsibility.

If you do work, then cleaning around the house should be expected of both of you.

Looseyâ„¢

I can totally relate to that. When I get home from work I am so tired, I just want to vegetate. But, there's a sink full of dishes, and tonight is garbage night. It's only fair I help with stuff that needs to be done, so I do it. But yeah, men just want to unwind in front of the computer or tv when they get home. I know I do.

Nosy C

no it isn't if you both work, but a little help occasionally goes along way, if he moans about it remind him how much you actually do in your house and offer to swap the jobs you do with the ones you have asked him to do.

It is not unreasonable.

amyâ™¥baby

Not a silly question. However, I think most people want to come home from work and relax. It's good that he helps you "most of the time," but you should divide the daily responsibilities so you're not doing all of them. For example, one of you can do the dishes and the other can take out the trash. One of you can move the clothes out of the way so the other can vaccuum! It's a give and take situation.

eveve112

It's not unreasonable, but then again if his mom raised him doing everything for him that may just be how he is. Most men do just want to relax when they get home, but there should be some type of agreement so you don't have to feel like you are asking him all the time. Make a schedule a couple days are your days to clean and a couple days are for him. I hope this helped

Shane D

well..if you are roomates basically ..he has to do his share..are you home all day doing nothing? or do you work full time as well..
how is sitting infront of a computer considered relaxing?
of course it is not unreasonable for his to be a normal guy and clean up..,,but if you are home all day,,what are you doing? not that you need to be his maid..Iam not saying that...i have no probalem at all cooking dibber or doing the laundry,,until i put her jeans in the dryer and shrunk them..so i stick to my clothes and towels,and she keeps her things seperate,,smart call on her part..its called a living mutual respect for each other..

Cutie

It is not that unreasonable, unless you overdo it...I'm not goin to lie but most men hate household cleaning...but if u both work then u both have to make sure everything is clean...if that's what u want !!!

life goes on

if you both have jobs he should help;
if you are home alone all day no he shouldnt have to help

notyou311

Do you both work outside of the home? If so, you should set aside time for cleaning, perhaps on the week-end. If he is unwilling to do it, hire a cleaning service using money from both of your funds.

maryannmccarthy2003

Depends. If you are home all day, there is no reason he should have to come home & do much of anything but eat, shower & chillax. But, if your both working, well of course, he could & should help out.

Mary in Camden, MI

Martin Pedersen

I do laundry, dishes, and take out the trash (as well as tend to our kids), but often I don't do them until they far exceed my wife's tolerance for things piling up.

Generalizing here, but I think guys just aren't bothered by dishes piling high in the sink. I know I'd rather do a half hour of dish washing every week than spend five minutes every day.

As far as expecting him to clean right when he gets home, yeah, that's expecting too much.

Peter L

I think most people want to unwind and some just want to keep on moving. Don't forget that people are different and also have habits. I certainly like to unwind when I get home but I also help my wife at times but on my days off I clean the house so I help out. I'm sure you know what he does for a living so if he's on his feet all day or does lots of physical movement, take that into consideration as well.

So your question of it being unreasonable depends on other factors, not just a yes or no question for me.

Erick Hernandez

Hell no, i would help around the house, but i dont know, thats just me. But some guys that i know, told me that they like having girls in the house just so they can clean, not saying that he is a type like that, but just telling you i just heard. Just have a serious conversation with him and tell him that you cant do chores around the house all day and you want some help. In my perspective I would definitely understand.

HellaGood

Hi There
I think you should talk to him about this. Living together does not mean living in a hotel or with your mom. Ask him for a walk or go biking with him and tell him in a friendly yet honest way how you feel about it. A good way to work on this is having a chart in which you rotate the cleaning tasks. For instance, you do the dishes but he takes out the trash every day. Picking up the clothes should be a no brainer, tell him that it bothers you, Remember that the way you live and the order you have in your house represents the order of your thoughts and your psychological state.
If you are not currently working he might think it is your job to do all the cleaning; If you have a job too then you are both considered as having equal levels of after work exhaustion; Make sure you do not replace his mom chores::: He is your partner not your son::: you shouldnt have to bug him:::
Cheers

***no more juggin***

If you stay at home then I would think it's your responsibility to take care of the house. If you both work however, you should share the chores equally.

Realtorific

Most men need to unwind for at least a half hour after work. If you give them that opportunity, they will be more open to helping out later. You should do a to-do list with agreed-upon chores specified for both of you. That way there is no arguments. Guys don't tend to notice things that us women notice. You're smart in getting this figured out now. Whatever you do at the beginning will outline what will happen from here on out. Believe me, if you don't work this out, there will be lots of arguments and resentment from both of you. Good luck!

Kiraâ™¥

Eek.. Tricky question. My suggestion would be to not get upset about it. Just remember he was at work all day, working very hard to support this life for you two. It sounds like when you ask, he does it! That's wonderful. Ask him nicely, and say thank you when he finishes. He may be more excited to do it for you the next time :)

toimagine84

This depends. Is he working 40 hours a week at a 8-5 job? or is it more? Do you guys have kids? Do you work the same amount of hours as he does?
If you guys work the same amount then you should split the same amount of chores, including cooking. If he works alot then maybe you can cut him some slack.
I suggest you make a list of everything that must be done in a week and then figure out who is to do what. The clothes thing... I'd suggest buying a small clothes basket or hamper and put it close to where he usually drop the clothes and train him to put it in the basket instead of on the floor so that way you can just pick up the basket when it's time to do laundry.

poodle mom

when my husband comes home from work, i would not DREAM of asking him to clean. thats something i would be so ashamed of.

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