Is it worth it to be with some one that can not even give you the things that makes you happy?

Allison

You should talk to her about why she really wants you to give up music. It could be the time commitment, that she is jealous, that she wants you to prove that you love her. Find out what the real problem is and go from there.

Do not give up your music. You will only continue to resent her and eventually it will be too late to salvage your relationship.

mack

She needs to realize that you have to have something to do that you enjoy besides spend time with her. Does she not like music? Have you tried inviting her to come with you to practice sessions/performances? 1 or 2 times a month is definitely not too much to ask. Sounds like she has some serious issues that you are going to have to deal with. They are HER issues not yours but it will affect you all the same. I feel for you man. Take care.

frfs

Man, you must have really loved her to stop doing something you like.

In my personal opinion, if you haven't talk to her or if you have talked, talk to her again. Let her know how much you LOVE music and it is not fair for her to ask for you stop music for her. Do you understand why she doesn't you playing music? Are there women in your band? What kinda of music do you play?

I believe that In order for us to be completely happy we have to fulfill our dreams and our wants, besides being with the one we love.

I found out that love is not the subtraction of one person. (meaning you shouldn't stop being who you are and she doesn't need to change). Love is the addition of two people's difference. (meaning there should be mutual respect) Sometimes we should do some give up certain things to be with the one we love, but the one we love should also give up certain things. We should also learn how to like and respect the things our loved ones do and like. Our loved ones should also learn how to like and respect the things we do and like.

If you married her, you married for a good reason. Think about this reason, let her know. Don't just walk away. Ask for her understanding. She should also want to make this relationship work. You are a pretty amazing person. So far, you have respected her wishes not to play and you are worried about what do you. I know people that just don't care and leave their wives at home to go out with their friends to bars and whatever. She is lucky.

I hope she finds a way to understand you soon. I hope you can play music again. Good luck.

Jane D

Well thats not fair for you .. she is trying to change you to what she only wants. tell her to get a dog if thats the way she feels. you are a person. its not like your gone weeks at a time leaving her behind. as you say its soemthing you enjoy and like to play with the guys a few times a month. This is not fair. you need to sit her down and have a chat. and let her know how your feeling. not with anger not with yelling. try to let her see what it means to you.

marheather

You must not give up your music. If you wife insists on that ,she is a selfish uncaring woman. If you allow this to happen. You will regret it all your life

Dwight S

You're at a crossroads. Your marriage or your music?

I'm with marheather on this. If your wife can't give you 1 or 2 times a month to do something you truly love, that's just waaay too controlling. Try asking her to give up something she really enjoys : )

tma81

No it's not worth it - it seems like she's insecure - is there more to the story? Has she been given reason to want to take something away from you? If it's as plain and simple as in she just doesn't want you to play music, then no that is a selfish act.

Danielle

someone told me if the person you love keeps you from doing what you love there is always someone better out there for you so i say the same to you.

kim h

No I could not be happy here. She is taking from you who you are if you let her.

Heisenberg

sounds like control issues or serious insecurity. either way, it's her problem, not yours

sucessmgr

Sure it's worth it...if you don't mind being miserable.

Debra Erics

You've made enough sacrifices. She doesn't love you. A person who loves another, also wants to see them happy , content, and enjoy doing things like. What greater gift can a mate give than freedom to be you as long is hurts no one.

Leave now, or later, before you grow to hate her. Time passes far to fast to be miserable. or regretful that you waited so long to finally enjoy your life.

I wish you filled with music at your leisure.

tara b

No, it's not worth it. end of story.

Shannon

You have to have some freedom to do things you enjoy.
Once or twice a month seems reasonable.

She could engage by touring with you or at least supporting you playing. Actually this is critical for a solid relationship, she has to support "your game", whatever it is you do in your free time. The ideal case you she enjoys it too and does it with you but music seems like a really big part of your life, a lot to give up.

You need to talk to her directly about it. Maybe she feels like she needs you to spend more time with her - are there other things you could stop doing or do more efficiently (*cough* get home from work on time *cough*)?

As the other posters have said, better get this sorted out now than later once you're bonded for life by children.

This could be a tough conversation though; be patient and don't reciprocate with anger if she gets angry. Don't end the conversation angry. Don't be critical of her feelings; she can't help how she feels. Don't make demands/ultimatums, for it to work out she has to choose on her own what to do.

fnyunj

Her security is more important to her than your life, your happiness, your personality.

People are often driven by fear. Fear is a very primitive emotion, and often other feelings and behaviors come out of this basic fear. Sounds like your wife has a tendency toward codependency, and is trying to control you in order to feel secure.

But what about you, and your needs, don't they count? Why would you waste your life sharing it with someone who does not care about you?

Memory

Tell her that you feel she is making you choose between her and your band. Warn her that you are about to call the marriage quits. If she cares anything for you this will make her lay off.

needsanap

You have the right to be happy and if this makes you unhappy, you should leave. Don't be with someone who makes you feel like hell or who takes away the most precious things.

ralph h

when a woman truly loves a man they put the mans ability's and desires ahead of their own. She should even offer to help you with your band. You are attached to a controlling and selfish woman that is feeding her desires only. That type of behavior will destroy your love for her in the long run. You need to lay down the law and if she leaves that is your answer. Better now then later in life. Life is short.

Siege

Well, since you married HER and not your music, I would have expected that SHE would be what you loved "doing" the most. For a guy, you are pretty overdramatic. The only reason a woman would ask a thing like this is because she feels she is second place in your heart to music. (And from your question, she is right). If you want to be a real man and live up to the word that you gave her at the altar, you would just drop the band thing for a season and give her some more attention. It sounds like she desperately needs some. Stop being so selfish. The moment that she is convinced that she is the thing you "love to do the most," she will have a lot looser grip on you. She will probably be the one to urge you to get back into it. We wives don't want to kill your fun, guys. Be it sports, nights out with the guys, poker, music, whatever. We just want to know that we matter more. It would be stupid to leave her because that is how every woman is, deep down. The grass definitely won't be greener on this issue.

baby come back

I recently marriages fail cuz when we get married women change (hormones, weight aging etc.) And women try to change us. We r content and don't like change. From my experience this is dead on. I didn't change and my wife recently left me and I still don't know why but I am slowly starting to see her side but unfortunatly it seems to be to late. Follow your heart and evaluate your priorities. Hopefully you won't end up like me wishing you wernt on here trying to figure all this stuff out when its to late. Good luck and god bless

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: