Is my girlfriend being treated unfairly?

I hate long questions in this section but this will take some explaining...My girlfriend has two children, early-mid teens. We have an alcohol-free house because she has had alcohol issues in the past (when still married to her abusive husband) but has been doing very well for the past year. This past weekend, she slipped and sneaked a few beers - she was tipsy, not falling down drunk by any means. Her and I went to pick up one of her kids (I drove) and the kid realized she had been drinking. My GF and I had to run an errand for an hour and when we got back the kids were in the process of moving to their dad's until my GF joins AA or gets counseling. Their dad drinks like a fish, passes out 4 or 5 nights a week, never cleans, doesn't have any food in the house for them and leaves them at home alone for hours on end. In our home they are fed and supervised in what has been (up until now) a fairly happy home. My opinion is that the younger kid is manipulating this because she prefers to be at dad's and be alone with her boyfriend for hours on end. Also, the younger kid has been extremely difficult to live with - sullen, uncooperative, rude, etc.

My feeling is that we should turn the tables and not let the younger kid back in our house until SHE gets counseling. The kid pretty much caused the whole thing with her overreaction and dragged the older sibling along for the ride by exaggerating and lying about what happened (the older kid never saw my GF intoxicated, it was hearsay).

My GF feels very guilty about breaking our promise to be alcohol free. She is inclined to seek counseling for herself but I don't know if she will back me up about making the younger kid go to counseling. I think if we don't make her do it she'll think she runs the house and be even more difficult to live with. Given the facts, I think my GF is getting screwed by the reaction of her kids and I am very p*ssed off about it.

sexzykahne#9

Wow, sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation, but it has to disected in order to deal with all of the issues.

First your gf has to deal with her relapse and how she is going to get a handle on that asap before things get out of hand and if she needs counseling and it sounds like she knows she does then she should get it asap.

Secondly, if the kids chose to go and live with their father then they have to live with the consequences of their decision. They know how his household is and if that is where they want to be then let them deal with it. It seems unfair that they will go to a house where their father drinks and is not in AA or seek counseling...probably because he is to drunk to realize what they are up to and at your house they are monitored and misbehavior is not tolerated...they think the grass is greener at dear old dad's, well let them stay there and deal with it. That is what I would do. So your gf had a few beers, she isn't out on a full fledged binge and mistreating them.

It sounds like they wanted any excuse to go to their dad's and now they are there. More than likely they are going to be begging to come back home and then that is when the issues with the younger child and her behavior can be discussed, I doubt if her mom will shut the door on her b/c that is her child, but the kid would not come back into my home acting as if she is running anything b/c if she didn't agree to counseling for herself and work on her issues, she would stay right where she is. Kids in these times tend to think they have the upper hand and try to rule the adults or act like adults, so if she wants to act grown, leave her grown *** with her father...if your gf is willing...I would be pissed off to and make sure your gf is aware of how you feel. Don't be mean, just be honest.

Good luck to all of you.

bandaid_46

I think maybe your gf should follow through on getting some help for her drinking problem, and that you should not get involved with the drama with the kids. You are not the father, or the stepfather. You are the bf, and have no standing here, really. These kids have been through a lot of crap with two alcoholic parents, and cannot be expected to make mature decisions. Your gf broke her promise to remain sober. To a child, that is a big thing. A betrayal, if you will. Perhaps they see her behavior when she is drunk more threatening than their father's. And yes, they might like being unsupervised, as would many teens, given the chance.

I think you should be more p*ssed at your gf than the kids. I think the kids might be better off in a foster home than with either of their parents.

Clarity

let her kids go to thier dads.. they will be coming right back soon enough. maybe they have preconceived ideas about thier dad. let them see him for what they are.

when they come back dont hold it against them tho. that would be the time they need to see what good people you are.

if they dont come back... well... theres always holidays and you wont have to put up with their sullen moods...

at the same time, your wife SNUCK the alcohol. so she knew what she did was wrong, and she did it right before she was picking up her kids. that doesnt show clear judgement to me at all. it sounds like she might be falling off the wagon.

be there for her

support your wife

give her honest adive and your true opinion.

good luck

Elated

You have no idea what the kids saw in their past before you. This could very well be what you think it is, but it also could be behavior borne from fear. With that said, I agree that the kids and mom all need to be in counseling together as a family.

Shannon

No she is not being treated unfairly. She is suffering the consequences of her actions. Unfortunately, the younger child saw her mother drunk and knows that her mother has a problem with alcohol. The younger child now has an advantage over her mother, a really big advantage. She is definitely taking advantage of the situation and she definitely needs to be put in her place. Counseling probably won't do much for her. She needs someone to discipline her and that someone should be her mother. Your girlfriend needs to be an adult and take control of the situation because it has obviously gotten way out of hand. And I dont' mean to be rude by saying this but your girl friend is the one that let things go this far. She needs to get her act together and be a responsible parent who has the upper hand. She is not being treated unfairly.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: