Is my husband being really selfish or am I overreacting??

MOs fishin

you need to stand your ground, let him know how you feel and that you do not get to see him enough
MO

Deanrijo

Well, I see both sides. Does he have to go for the entire weekend? Can you guys compromise and he could spend the time with you and then meet his friends or maybe cut out early? Really, you should be his priority and he should stay with you, but try to compromise and see if you can make it work for both of you if you can. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Itsa Secret

Well, if he coudln't go hunting, I imagine he'd feel disappointed so, pick your poison.

eeyore6838

Hunny, my husband is a hunter also. We got married in the month of October which is hunting season here, I don't spend much time with him on on anniversary, but he more than makes up for it. I understand that you are disappointed and hurt. But all of us in a relationship need a break from life, work, kids, each other. I go with the girls every week. I have been married 19 years, and I am sure that you can bend a little on this and make plans for something else and he can bend to accommodate you. Marriage is a give and take. I really do understand you what to show the world your man, and Hunny believe he wants the same. Maybe the nigh5t before he goes you can work only a half day, or take an early lunch, and spend some time with him. My husband used to travel when we were first married and missed Christmas a couple of times with me and the kids. Good luck ....

Travis

Well, yes and no.

Coming from another guy, sounds like he needs 'his' time. Time to do exactly what he wants to do, and nothing else. Sounds like a stressful job, and hunting to him must be an incredible relaxing activity.

What you should do (this is only my opinion) is let him go. But when he's back, make sure he's all yours for the time that you two can be together.

What you should not do, is make him feel guilty for going, or give him cause to think about problems at home (like you being mad when he gets back) because then his hunting trip will not accomplish all the goals he needs. He probably needs to relax, be his own self for a while, especially being a new husband, theres a lot of stress in his life he needs to work out. If he goes hunting expecting to come back to a pissed off wife, he's going to have anxiety, and not enjoy the activity fully, therefore only causing more friction between you two when he gets back.

Let him go relax, and clear his mind and compose himself. You will have a happier husband in the end.

Valerie X has it right on!!!!!!

karamell08

Firstly, you should have decided how you truly felt before saying he "Could" go. He's your husband, not your slave or entertainment. What if he had stayed and still didn't want to go tto those holiday parties, you would have thought he was being selfish and you would still be dissappointed. Let him enjoy his time...having to wait a whole year to do something he enjoys kinda would stink! I think you are being too sensitive. It's not selfish to feel the way you do, but give him space, absence does make the heart grow fonder. I think you already told him how you felt, and you should let him do his thing. You've been married one year, but how long did you date before and how many christmases have you really gotten to celebrate together. Hunting is by seasons...marriage is FOREVER!

a TRUE American

Give him your blessing to go hunting. Sounds as if he works a lot to provide for his family, so he probably deserves the hunting trip. However, you deserve something too. Tell him in exchange for him going hunting, you get to do something. Maybe you would like to plan something special for the next time he is home. He should be willing to agree to anything.

Violation Valerie X

Be a good woman. Let the man enjoy this harmless thing.

Heck, its HUNTING! Its not like he said, "hey babe, I will be spending the weekend drinking beer and hanging at the strip club with my buddies".....

When a man has healthy interests/hobbies, a good woman will ALWAYS encourage it.

Be selfless. He will adore you all the more!!!!

And if you do not have any, find some outside interests of your own!!!!

doclakewrite

he is probably under a lot of stress... I know being away from you is hard and you knew this going in to the marriage. he probably needs a little down time with no one requiring anything from him.....
I think you should do a trade off... this time the hunting trip, next time all the time with you.
You have to compromise and I would put all the cards on the table now and see how he reacts.. talk to him about it.. Don't cry in the corner... face up and get an answer...
If he barks at your compromise you have a problem on your hand if he is being sensible then he should agree without a hitch....

ThinkingBee

eek feel sorry - your best to tell him your true feelings, but do it in a calm manner, does he have to go hunting all weekend? can he compromise n go say perhaps halfway through the weekend, n then go to the parties with you, but then again if your going to parties, although together dont you find you spend time mingling n then dont actually see each other much anyway?? its a tricky one, i feel for you.

blue316

looking at the big picture...hunting and parties are not the issue...it is a battle of wills...who will give in...if you do he will always chose hunting over you...if he gives in, you will call all the shots...my suggestion is... he goes to all the weekend parties, and he goes hunting mon. tues. wed...

ohiofirefighter42

As a guy that was married for 14 yrs to a woman that was "Offended" when I tried to do things for enjoyment....it eventually led to me totally forgoing any type of activity on my own because I didnt want to have to deal with the guilt trip involved, I stopped golfing, fishing, watching games on TV..... As years went on the resentment grew.....

I have since divorced, have remarried, ....The wife I and I have a fantastic relationship....... we both root for each other when either gets an opportunity to do something they enjoy....isnt that how it should be? ......Shouldnt it make you happy when he gets a chance to do something he truly enjoys?......

You have your entire life left to be together, many more xmas, birthdays etc......, you shouldn't stand in the way when he gets a good opportunity and he shouldnt stand the way for you. .......

As far as being selfish......look inside yourself....isnt it selfish for you to say..... "I know you would really enjoy going hunting, but if you go then I dont get what I want" ........ I can guarantee that in the future there will always be some type of scheduling conflict, the next time it will be a birthday, a friends wedding, family visit, etc, etc, etc,...and if you insist he pass on his hunting trips he will end up resenting you for it........

If you truly love him you would never even consider asking him to give up something he enjoys, you would be ecstatic that he gets to go. I myself would never ask my wife to pass on something she wanted to do just because I dont want to go somewhere alone...to do that...would be the ultimate in selfishness

your husband is acting selfish. Putting something like hunting over spending time with you shows that he doesn't put your first in the relationship.

Kris L

Let your husband go hunting. He oversees OIL RIGS and he DESERVES to do something 'fun' for him, and even though you are 'newlywed' you MUST understand that for him to wait a YEAR to go hunting because you want to attend some 'parties' with him is YOU 'being selfish' ... you married a man who must 'be alone' and apart from you for weeks at a time, but that isn't the same thing as his 'hunting trip' once a year. As for 'celebrating Christmas' together ... the 'date' Dec. 25 is 'arbitrarily chosen' by the church fathers hundreds of years ago. No one 'knows' when Jesus was born, so you should be able to 'move Christmas' to an 'easier date' ... sometime in January ... and have that 'newlywed Christmas' TOGETHER. YOU can 'enjoy' this Christmas with your friends and have a 'second Christmas' with your new husband ... which should be the 'beginning' of a 'new view' of the world ... the 'old single you' with your friends and the 'newly married you' with your husband. THINK ABOUT THIS ... and let your husband go hunting ...

firegirl0514

skip the Christmas parties and go hunting with him! Marriage is give and take.....so compromise this time and next time he will be more willing to do the same!!! Good luck!!!

~*Bri*~

He should know how you feel but you two should try to compromise a little. Tell him he can go hunting for one day and the rest of the time you want him with you. You can't always have things one way or the other so find a happy medium.

undone

You cant make him suffer just because you changed your mind. It is normal that you want him with you, but since you already flagged him as ok to go hunting, you should let him go and enjoy his company when he gets back.

kiwi

I think you are over reacting. A few days of hunting is a good thing. He wants to go, and he should go.

kittykatsback

This is a tough one.

I mean he does need HIS time too, right?

Am I wrong?

You need to figure this out, I am sure it will come up again. I would just let him go to save the peace and then FIGURE IT OUT! This is his job, this is a BIG part of your marriage!

GOOD LUCK!

crabbyone

I would be really upset too and I don't think you're overreacting. I would probably say the same thing you did, but hope he'd change his mind and want to spend time with me instead. How about telling him that you know how much he wants to go hunting with his friends, and that if it were any other weekend you'd probably be supportive of it, but that you've barely seen him at all this month and it would really mean a lot to you if he would postpone his trip and be with you this weekend. I really hope he does the right thing.

emma

Why cant he hunt in the morning while you are at work and party at night with you, its call working it out so everyone is happy, you'll be gone all day he can hunt all day problem solved

lunatic

Sounds like another example of a woman knowing just where her man stands as far as priorities go but has the expectation that he will "CHANGE" after marriage.

Why do women delude themselves into thinking that?

MissE

Would it be possible to split the weekend? Go hunting for a day and spend a day with you
Alternatively join him on the hunt
Or if nothing else works tell him go but to make sure you receive a very nice christmas gift

Girl you knew the man when you married him and you already agreed to it.

ndnqt1966

I think your husband is being selfish...evidently he would rather wait until next year to spend his first Christmas with you as husband and wife as opposed to waiting til next year to go hunting....You can't make him change his mind....just tell him exactly how you feel....maybe he will chang his mind and come to his senses....Don't ask him to go to parties....just that he spend the time with you....

tom t

drop it

Laura

Drop it. It's not worth spoiling your time together to be upset about something like this. Men really don't see Christmas parties as a "must-do" thing. He probably doesn't see why you'd mind going alone.

Be the big person and let him go hunting, and make up your mind to enjoy spending time with your friends. This is probably his way to unwind.

fedfanforever

he should be spending more time with you

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: