Is my mother about to cause me a divorce?

Over the past year, my mother and sister moved in with me and my family. She was struggling financially, and we were pregnant with twins. There was no way we could afford day care. Long story short, this is how she moved in. We pay her for caring for the kids, we pay for her (and my sister's) health insurance, we also pay for a cel phone for her and my sister. She had agreed to give us the money for the cel phones......it's been a year, and she has never given us a penny. One time, my sister went over the limits and I told her. My mom was pissed, but gave me $39.08 "because I went through the bill and that's all I owe you."

Over the past year, she has been evaluating how we raise our kids. She constantly let's me know "you are doing it wrong, you will see the end result." You know? Like predicting that her grandkids will turn out wrong and stuff. Anyway, I am a Christian and have been coping quietly. It's hard to hear my own mother say these things. Well, she talks about my husband behind his back all the time. "Steve didn't do this, Steve forgot to take the trash out, Steve is so dumb" It's gotten crazy with her. My husband hears her sometimes, but he doesn't say anything. Last night he said that he would never say anything to them because they are my family and he'll never want to hurt me. Breaks my heart, he works really hard to pay for this home and to keep. THEM comfortable

The worst part of it all, is that they can be messy and he has NEVER said anything bad about them. Not a thing...I am amazed at how loving he has been; but enough is enough. Well, today it hit the fan!

I had a conversation with her. Told her that she doesn't respect my husband and that he has never insulted her like she does (sister included). She went ballistic "don't you dare disrespect me!" It was horrible. I told her that my priority are my kids and my husband, not her. That didn't go well. Long story short I told her that she either respects him because he works really hard, or she can leave. She went on to say "thank you, you will see how you fail. whe he leaves you; you'll be coming back to me begging. Today, you left your mother homeless"

What do you think? I think I went too far.. The thing is that my mom has always been like this. Her way or the highway. There's no listening to others; she has never been happy because she is always judging. She has nowhere to go! She said that she doesn't want to work, and she rather stay here or that I pay an apartment for her...don't know what to think

shy2008

You didn't do anything wrong. Your mom seems a bit self righteous and doesn't care about anyone but her own comfort and rules. She might not have liked what you said, but it's true. She may be bothered by what you said, but you did what you had to do. You're right...your husband is an absolute angel..your so lucky. Any guy I know...mine included would have had me in the middle trying to be the peacemaker by now. He deserves some peace in his own home. if she chooses to leave, then she and your sister will have to figure out who's going to work! I think it's best if they leave...for your sake and your family's. maybe in time she'll cool down and then you can visit grandma...like most kids do. I know it's hard to have to tell her what you did, but it had to be done. Again...you did nothing wrong. Hope this helps...

titania_woodland_fairy_queen

You did not make your mother homeless! You gave her a choice. IT IS HER CHOICE to be homeless. She needs to be more appreciative and respectful.

Your priorities of your kids and husband are correct, she has to know that. Don't pay for an apartment she is mooch.

IF she would rather be homeless then give someone who is helping her some respect and her daughter caring then she deserves where she will end up.

kim h

You did not go too far. She is unwilling to quit being a pain the the ***. She is making things harder for you. She lives in your house and she is the one that needs to learn respect. If she chooses to leave over being decent to the people that support her, she is making herself homeless. You have to let her live with that decision. You cannot continue to let her treat your husband or you like this.

kitkat

You most certainly did not go too far. You should cancel the phones (those are luxury items and people who don't want to work can't afford that luxury). Just tell her you can no longer afford to pay for them. You should also tell her that it is time she and sis get their own place that it is time you raise your children by yourself. Let her know you appreciate all she has done to help you but it is time. Don't let her push you around your family should be too important to put up with the nonsense you have dealt with. Good luck.

letterstoheather

You didn't go too far -- limits and boundaries should have been set before your dear mother moved into your home... apparently they were not. Now they are. Your house, YOUR way!

Now it can be your way or the highway. Don't put up with her ****, and dont pay for her health insurance anymore. Why on earth are you doing this?

If she wants health insurance she can do what the rest of us do - get a job.

Jose R. F.

You mention Your are christian, there is a passage...Ephesians 5:31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" you have your own family now is the one you have to put in first. Your mom will be always your mom no matter what but you have now your own family to take care. Your mom will continue with here life now you are working for your marriage and your kids which are and have to be your main concern at this point. You did good.

(WOMAN)

Agree with everybody, she is totally using you And disrespecting you. How can you afford to pay for everything and everybody? anyway, you are 100% right and i'm glad you stood up to her. Your husband is going to appreciate this so much since this is been going on for too long and nothing had been said in the past. Sometimes family can cause you a LOT of trouble, unfortunately that's life. My husband would've taken care of this long time ago, he doesn't put up with too much s**t. You did the right thing, don't worry and don't let her make you feel guilty either.

Garnet Glitter

1) She has crossed the boundaries
2) She should be working
3) You are under no obligation to support her.
4) Time to tell her it's YOUR way or the highway because it's YOUR HOME.

Either you tell her she needs to move out, respect your marriage, home & husband, or agree to attend family counseling...the situation cannot continue. Warn her that if her disruptive behavior continues and your marriage ends because of it.....the Family Court will only give YOU maintenance & child support and order the family home sold so she will be out on her rear end....I don't get it...where's your father? Does she get SS checks, maintenance, a pension-where is she getting her money?.....good luck.

Legandivori

It is high time you and husband make a plan to toss them out of your home ASAP, meaning two weeks. This is not funny!!!

They are destroying the financial, emotional and spiritual fabric of YOUR family. That mean your nuclear family.

Your mother is a nut job and is deliberately trying to break this up. You are not disrespecting her by telling her to start to pack. You are an adult trying to save your soul. You owe her ZERO now. You are grown.

If you allow guilt to overrun your thoughts, you will lose your family, meaning they core one: husband wife, kids. That is What you MUST focus on.

Mother is a serious undiagnosed mental case, and this excessive spending has been inexcusable for you to tolerate beyond the end of this month. Incidentally, what you are paying for mother and her daughter is obscene, really.

It has zero to do With Christianity. God does not want us to be abused. Mother is not the matriarch who is the boss, BUT you and husband are allowing her to be this way, which is so destructive.

She and sis must be out in two weeks, If they refuse to pack, you pack, or call the cops and tell them you want them out. No more pay, not more food, no sheets, no blankets, no pillows...etc. She is absolutely destroying your moist important thing: YOUR nuclear
family.

Many of us including me have had to dump parents forever because they refused to be respectful to us.

anonysquirrel

Excuse me for being blunt, but I think your Mom should shut the hell up and go get a job at WalMart. Maybe then she and your sister can get a place of their own.

Now, after that tough talk, I must say I feel sorry for you.

Katie P

first of all your mother is a con artist, she knows exactly what to say to make you feel guilty, I'm surprised your husband hadn't left you, I can't believe your mother, is she handi cap? is that why she don't want to work? if she is not then she deserves to be on the streets and so does your sister, you need to make a decision, your husband and kids or your mother and sister? if I was you I'd choose your husband and kids and get rid of those free loaders you have staying there.good luck...

spider

Sorry but the truth of the matter is you need to tell your mother to hit the road; her and your sister can go get an apartment and jobs like most normal people do; sounds like she is a free loader and expects to be taken care of. Your husband must be a saint. I know even though my husband would be much like yours and not want to hurt me. He would not tolerate that kind of behavior family or not. You mother does not only disrespect your husband but you as well. I would probably pay for first and last months rent for them and let them go on there own merry way.They will survive. This is not a good environment for your children either.

Rosessis

they need a place of their own & to get some of their own kool-aid+

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: