Is my wife being unfair?

haberdashersmaid

Everyone has a busy life..If you love her you would do what she asks once in a while with cooking etc.....
I haven t a wife obviously but i find it an intimate thing to have a friend cook for me

In moderation she is not being unfair

Mike J

Tell her that if she has concerns and wants to argue, you will only do it during a nude wrestling match.
Then, even if you don't win, you still win.

free_angel

She should consider herself lucky that you still go home each night after hearing all her gripes and complaints.

DUNNO

welcome to married life.

AKswimr

talk to her about this! you sound like a great guy even of you don't cook that not that important! maybe once ina while you could try to make something simple though... pasta is simple and yummy and if it makes her happy...

the-hoosiers-4-life

well okay i am not a good cook myself but i start off by making time to make a little lunch like a pizza or fry an egg or boil a egg all you need to do is make some time to begin with the easy food maybe make some nice but easy dinners like pasta and sausages

Ava626

tell your wife to stop nagging and let you relax. Let her know you are doing the best you can with your financial state since she is not helping. Tell her to give you a couple days to relax. And yes she is being very unfair. Better yet, she should be the one cooking you dinner. Or tell her to get two jobs and see how she feels when she comes home.

Missie

Hell no it's not fair! She married you as you are. What right does she have complain about you now? None! I don't understand why couples do this to each other. If she would like for you to cook for her for some reason, she should be telling you that and explaining why. It sounds as though she cooks for you all the time and when she feels that it's your turn, you take her out and she sees that as a cop-out. I think that's wrong, but that's just me. I cook for my husband, but he doesn't cook for me because, like you, he doesn't know how and I knew that when I married him. I didn't suddenly expect him to do it. That's retarded. If something has changed for her, she needs to be speaking up. Let me add that my husband does make a very nice breakfast on the weekend and would probably cook "something" for me if I ever asked him to.

momof4

Maybe the two of you should find a cooking class to take...then you will have time to spend together and you will learn to cook at the same time :)

melanie_lanc

i can't say if it's fair or not because everyone has their own stories. there are things behind the scene which I don't know like your love and respect to her as a wife (although it appears financially you are providing for her).

When a husband said he is a good husband he looks at it from his perspective. My hubby did most of the housework and we both work. But I found him very emotionally distant and we don't communicate much. He thinks I should appreciate his work but to me the housework doesn't mean much to me. He thinks he loves my by doing the housework, but I think he doesn't love me because he has not bought me a present for ten years!

see we have very different ways of seeing what love is. I hope you will see your wife's needs from a different angle. I am sure you have done a lot to keep a good life for both. If you are willing to share this is a good step you wanted things to be sorted out. With my best wishes,

iwondersoiask

if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! learn it, love it, live it!

diquarry

she does expect a lot from you, doesn't she! tell her if she wanted a cook she should have married jamie oliver! seriously though, it sounds like you need to sit down together & divide the "chores". if you cook, she washes up etc. she's being very cruel & unreasonable in telling you where she finds you lacking! you have to tell her that you accept her for herself & she must accept you in the same way. if she doesn't, maybe she should go home for good & find a "perfect" partner there! be more assertive with her, otherwise she's going to continue walking all over you! good luck, diane.

Meriskie

your question seems to be about, roles and duty to each other.

As a 'couple' you should BOTH be doing your bit to make the marriage work.
It is all about 'give and take'
Marriage is not a competition to who can be the best husband/wife, it is about working together to make each of your lives easier.

It is never easy the first few years of marriage and thereafter but you need to appreciate each other and what they bring into the relationship.

Stick with it and learn to give and take.

*â™¥* donna *â™¥*

I'm with you i would much rather order in a take away than make him cook after a hard days work if i cant be bothered to do it.

Priek

Sounds like you will never be able to do enough.

The problem is a lot deeper than you jumping through the hoops she is asking you to.

debbee p

With all the problems that could happen in a marriage this is so minor. If she wants you to cook make a salad and grilled cheese. If you at least try she will be happy. Sometimes there is something else bothering a person other than what they are finding wrong with you have a heart to heart withe her.

1307

i think you need to talk to her and explain to her how you feel. Tell her its hard for you to go to work and come home and still cook for her. I think she is being a little unfair. i see where she's coming from but i think i would need to hear her side as well.

Run PHATGIRL run

It's not all about the cooking. She is looking to you for another form of affection. The time, thought, and care that you would put into a preparation of a meal is what she is probably looking at. Pasta dishes are fairly simple, add a salad, bottle of wine, and candles.... VOILA!

Sometimse as a wife I become too fixated on what I am going through and forget about my spouse's problems.

I have to add a little extra effort.

Anything worth having is worth working at.

It is possible if you give a little extra, you may get more in return.

;D

Just Joined the US Army

No, she is a fat lazy woman that needs to understand that you are a hard worker and bring home the bacon. Let her know this and that you REFUSE to do any cooking as you work too hard as it is.

plurina

You should cook. You think she's not busy either? Yet she still cooks.. Take turns. My mom cooks one week, and my step dad cooks the next week. Marriage is about sharing responsibilities.. .You should know this more than me o.0

maryd4love

You need to tell your wife the exact same thing you just said on here. The only way to resolve this problem between the two of you is to talk to her about it.

ciberpunk1

If she feels you are not who she wants you to be then perhaps she should do one of the following:
1. Stop blaming you for her decision in husbands. She needs to take accountability for her part in the relationship.
2. Change her perception on how she wants things and focus on how things are.

It is not fair how she is treating you in this situation.

lisalisa

women always complain it is thier nature.
A real man knows when to give her the way or not?

I know sounds strange but if you give your wife everything she wants she will soon be bored of you.

Good guys don't finish first.

I would say if you feel like it do it if not don't

julie

She does seem to be unfair, but what you need to do is talk to her, good communication with your partner is the best thing to do. You have to tell her how you feel, and even say that you think she is being unfair , don't be taken for granted that's all.

sasha

i am married to a wonderful man.he gave me so much and did everything for me yet i kept wanting for more,i failed to see his good qualities.till one day,he just left.i then realized that i was being unfair.i begged him to forgive me and now we are working on our marriage.one of the things i learned is that marriage is compromise.your wife should not complain if cooking is your only flaw, instead she should look at your other good qualities.nobody is perfect.

Zeltar

She's mad at the situation, not you. As her husband, you're also her best friend. That means she vents all her anger at you.

Welcome to married life. Get used to it. And, don't take it personally.

MsLoli

My husband also does not like to cook (he tried once and it was very much appreciated - but it hasn't happened again.) We made an arrangement - I'll do all the cooking, he does all the dishes. It works out fantastic for us (and sometimes I feel bad that he's getting the raw end of the deal because there are days when I think I've used every dish in the house)

Maybe come up with a compromise. Tell her you absolutely abhor cooking and because of that you appreciate how much of a challenge it can be to grocery shop, decide on a menu and then spend the time preparing it - SO if she is willing to cook, then you will be willing to wash the dishes afterwards. She spends a good hour cooking beforehand, you'll take that hour afterwards to clean up. It's only fair.

elly

it seems she likes and has control over u....maybe pull back a little, try communicating ur feelings, why hasnt she gone back to wrk?? does she do anything round the house??? and remember its nice that ur taking her out for dinner breaks looking at those 4 walls all the time..

ronnny

It is not fair but life is not. What works in your house may or not work in others. Just find what the 2 of you can live with. Maybe you need to cook a few easy meals and put in that effort and she put more effort into taking the trash out and cutting the grass. find what works for your home.

Vince C

Is she doing home and auto repairs while you cook? There's really not enough information to draw a conclusion.

Edit: Give her a choice of frozen pizzas or cold cereal every night. Tell her that's the only thing you feel comfortable cooking.

Zac

Man up ok? Tell her to shape up or go back to her "country" and stay.

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