Is this actually a good thing?

happy mom

I'm sure he loves you a lot...but he is definitely VERY honest with you. That is a good thing...most of the time. I always like the advice: "go into marriage with your eyes wide open, and after you're married keep them half closed". In other words, be very picky about your partner before you marry them, but once you make the commitment, pick your battles.

Just tell him from now on that you don't want him to always be SO matter-of-fact about the future that it inhibits enjoying your time together now. Also, let him know that marriage is about commitment and work...the future isn't determined for you...your actions have a lot to do with what happens in your future.

lane b

Don't kill the messenger but I think the dude has commitment issues. Marriage is supposed to be for life not un tol you decide someone else is better

Willbewill

That is an acceptable answer if divorce is an acceptable answer.....you two make that call together. Its a subject worth talking about

gjames

Kudos on your man for saying the truth.
BUT that is not what he should have said... yes we know its the truth. We don't know what the future holds for us, but all you wanted was reassurance.

If its bugging you that much sit him down and talk to him about what was said.

Sprechen Sie Douche?

not OK IMO

Kat H

I think he was being honest and I think that is a great thing. He probably didn't word it the best way, but I wouldn't get too worked up over it. He said he loved and that he wanted to work as hard as possible on making your marriage work. All that sounds good to me. :)

DantheMan

Even though he was honest, he said the wrong thing...probably shouldn't make a difference in your relationship though

Tag23

He's telling you up front there is a chance I'm going to cheat. I have married friends and they leave the house love you honey and jump the first skirt they see. Got tired of all the bs now my friends except 2 are female. and I love it.

craig b

Look on the bright side...........now you know how he really feels about a PROMISE!

Myth_Understood

I once dated a recovering addict who told me that he couldn't promise he would never use again because he can't predict the future. The next words from my mouth were, "What bs! Are you seriously telling me that you would throw away all that you have accomplished because one day you might wake up and think 'today's a good day for a fix'?"

That's what you should have told your man when he said that. Is he seriously telling you that he might decide to leave you one day because he met someone else? That's my idea of him stepping in his d**k.

I would have some major reservations, hon. Yes, you should be glad that he was honest with you - because now you can decide whether this is the man that you can trust to not divorce you in 5 years because he met someone else.

I don't know if I could marry this guy ... but that's just me.

I'd definitely have this talk a few more times. The more defensive he gets, and the more he tries to make this your fault for not letting it go, the worse it should look for him.

Best of luck *big hug*

marina

I wouldn't worry about it. He was probably thinking that it is actually possible that you guys could divorce etc...he doesn't want that but realistically, he knows it can happen.

He either thought too much or didn't think and stuck his foot in it.

Forgive him and forget it. He loves you, is marrying you and that is what it important.

Gary

i think this is ok and a very good move on his part as he has laid all of his cards on the table before the marriage and then there wont be any suprises later

tammee

Go with your gut. He's NOT COMMITTING TO YOU!!!!!! He's guttless. Imagine yourself 10 years down the road when he's having an affair on you. He will say, "I told you that before we were married." He's then off the hook!!!!
Don't let him off the hook!!! It's your life, your commitment!!!! Please don't let him do that to you. Everyday you'll be wondering if today is the day that he stopped loving you.
What an A$$!!!!

KRIS

this guy is a horses ***!!! if you think he will change, forget it. he will be an *** forever!!! and you picked 'em.

Puppy Bunny

I think it's a good thing he was as honest as he could be.

Sarafina

Sounds like he's not making a commitment for life! Actually, it reminds me of the Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston situation. He told her the same thing. I'm sorry.

Brokenhearted

What he's saying is true, however is he really stressing it that much?? It's like he wants this info as an "out" later if he chooses. He might want to be able to say "I warned you". If you two are in love and feel ready to commit to marriage I would recommend some premarital counseling. Not necessarily by a counselor, there are great books out there. I've been married almost 17years, and it's a lot of work, love is NOT the only issue that keeps it together. People change over time and trust me, you have to change together and keep it fresh. You have to wake up and start each day as a team. Having a family will put stress on your relationship even though it is a great bond you can share. Be informed, be ready, keep your eyes open. If you treat your relationship and vows as though they are as important as they are and work together, you'll do great! Remember, communicate, communicate, communicate. Congrats and Good luck.

goinsgirljenny

its great that he was honest but keep in mind that marriage is something that is supposed to be for life - forever and ever. if he is commited 100% to your impending marriage, he should have no doubts about how long he will love you. it seems that he is not truly commited and has conceeded himself to the fact that you may not be together forever. in his mind, he is being up-front about it so that you can't blame him when the marriage ends. it is good that he is being honest now before you are married because now YOU can be the one to decide if it is okay with you that the marriage will very likely be temporary.

jennabee10

In my personal opinion, he should not have shared this with you. I am wondering if he is having doubts about the marriage, because isn't that why we get married; to spend the rest of our lives with the person we love?? It sounds to me like he is just setting it up to fail! I'm sorry, but when i get married i am going to make DAMN sure that I want to spend all of my life with the man I am promising my life to, and no one else. I am not going to say, "well, I'll marry this one but who's to say i wont find someone else better down the road." Thats ridiculous!!!

Yes, I do think things can change. Yes, no one really knows the future. He's right about that. But this is one of those things that TOTALLY does not need discussing!! Thats something you two can handle IF, and i mean IF, it ever happens. Right now, life really should be all about you and your fiance and there shouldnt be a single other person even in the shadow of your future.

So I can totally see where he is coming from and why he said it. he is a guy after all and guys tend to just say things without really thinking of how it EMOTIONALLY impacts a girl. So my advice to you is let it slide. I'm not going to say its ok, but I am going to say that as long as he is all you want him to be and he loves you and treats you right, there's no reason why the two of you cant get married and spend THE REST OF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER!!!

Good luck hun. And congratulations! I wish you nothing but the absolute BEST in your future ahead!!!

chauntele k

love isn't about what you WANT to hear...remember that

Monty Python's Flying Circus

he was honest, but ask yourself: is he truly the "ONE" ?
the one who YOU want to spend the rest of YOUR life with.
to me, he's copping out on you. he's giving himself a way out of your marriage, in case he wants out or he cheats.

rissa

This is completely normal for you to go through this because you are going into a large commitment in your life. I think you should think about if you want to spend the rest of your life with this man and look in your heart and trust yourself.

dawn

Interesting that this bothers you!
My husband said the exact opposite thing to me, that he will never be with anyone else no matter what.. even if I died and THAT bothered me. I feel like that is such BS!!

At least he is being honest with you! And it's healthy to remain open minded.

Toni H

WHAT. No way did he say the wrong thing...this is exactly what you need. you need him to say that he loves you and that he will always try his hardest to make your love for each other to last. that is amazing! and yes he is honest. that is what every one wants in their marriage. you should not be worried. it sounds like you have an amazing catch and you should keep with him. He is realistic and honest and WANTS TO BE WITH YOU! congratulations.

LaLALALA

wow if someone said to me I would take it as ok so your not going to stay faithful to me.

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