Is what I did unforgivable?

hunterman

Not at all, live and let die...

hoarfen

Im afraid that your relationship is over. The fact that you told him is commendable but it did ruin your relationship because I can promise you that he will never trust you again. each time you dont answer your phone, or are out with your friends he will think you are screwing someone else.

You should not have told him....sometimes honesty is not the best policy.

247

You Always.. Always must try and place yourself in the other persons shoes. Number 1. Your ex- was completely inappropriate to play on your sympathy and ask you to do that. It doesn't matter that he was dying. Good guy or not, he knew you were engaged and he disrespected you and your relationship and knew what the consequences would be. The sad part was that he knew he wouldn't have to bear any of the responsibility since he was dying. (sorry but it's true) No. 2 you were wrong to accept the invitation for obvious reasons... you accepted a deep commitment to being married. No. 3 You need to give your finance time to heal from this tramatic experience and it will take a great deal of time so don't push it, be patient. No 4. Would you forgive him if he did the same thing to you?

Seriously let that question marinate in your mind for a while before answering. Picture him rolling around in bed, making love to his ex-girlfriend.. touching, caress, expressing himself in a manner that's very familiar to you, and then picture him being touched, kissed, and other very personal things being done to his body by her.

I'm sure that just blew you away. Now he asks you to forgive him and says lets still get married because he loves you and hopes you understand. Well, it's really not that easy or simple. Your emotions and trust level not to mention the once close connection has been shattered and it will take some time to repair it. It's possible for him as it would be possible for you to forgive and hopefully forget. But just like when you receive a deep wound in your flesh, it will hurt for a very long time and will eventually heal, but that ugly scar can remain for a life time.

Miricles can happen and the scar can eventually fade away to the point where it's hardly noticable... That will take some praying and some emotional heart surgery to repair. Pray that things will work out the way they should. But be strong in case it doesn't and be understanding in case they don't.

viper

time will heal. you had to do what you had to do

thanos

Sure it's forgivable. Everything is. The question is, is this man, who you are not married to, man enough to do it. You are not married to him yet. Infidelity did not occur. If he can't get over it, count yourself lucky that you learned that BEFORE you said "I do" you can still go on with your life.

If you were married, my answer would be different.

lildevilchild_87

This is very forgiveable. I would have done the same thing my dear. Just tell your fiance how it made you feel and ask him to forgive you. Ask him what he would have done in the same situation...the exact same situation if he had a friend like that and if he cant forgive you then he has a major jealousy issue!!

Keith W

I can see where you are coming from. Put in the same position I may well have done the same thing. I think maybe your fiancee needs to calm down and accept it has happened, then you can move on.

marrissa

I think he will forgive you but it takes time and for you to fulfill your ex dream was true so don't feel bad because its in the past now.

freeman3905@sbcglobal.net

at times in your life you get in a spot like you did you did the right thing with your ex .it was wrong to do you told the mew man that was wrong to do that hurts. a lot you have to stay by your man talk let him know you love him leave little notes in his pants tell you love him don't bring that up no more i hope it will work out for you good luck to you and him

David

nice story , I don't believe it .
he was dying and could do it with you ????
he died and you told your fiancee ????
last wish was to get you ????
I love it , I hope we can be friends before I die .

april j

I think you did the right thing. As hard as it may have been. I believe I would've done the same thing. It doesn't change your feelings for your mate at all. At least I don't think so. Just stay honest with the man you love and it will work out. The problem is most people can't handle hearing the truth. Stay honest and true to yourself if for no one else.

Queen

what if u were him????

flow

i think ur ex before he died wnated to see if he was really loved? by the people who had professed to love him! do u think u are the only one he had asked of the same favor or favors ? i highly doubt not saying that ur ex was not nice but when dying u would proboably want to find out if u would be missed and this is how he found out. no offense but u sholud not hav e done it but comfort him some other way . however im glad u told the truth to ur fiance u will work it out if he forgives u but everything would change cause he sees it as betrayal. if everyone of ur ex asks that favour where would that have ur fiance In the background? think clear he is ur fiance and u would not like his ex to ask him that favor so dont repeat that ****!

Nadia Miller

Wow that's pretty complicated but if i were you i would listen to my heart, if in the beginning you were not sure you were doing the right thing or not, well then it should be not right thing to do coz if you know you do the right thing you wouldn't left in doubt. Gain his trust if he's willing to try but he has the right to know the truth and finally make decision either forgive you or not.. good luck!

mustihearthis

If he's willing to work through it then hopefully he will. That's entirely up to him and there really truly isn't anything you can do to get his trust back except to demonstrate trustworthiness to him. If you are, then that will be easy. You can't erase the past, but it still is ultimately gone - try to stay focused on right now. And be very, very patient. If you really love him you will force yourself to be patient. But don't put up with anything abusive from him, emotionally, mentally or physically.

cheetah7

I think that your fiance will come to realize the reasons why you did what you did and eventually forgive you for it, though he will never forget it. It is a tough situation but understand it from his point of view. The trust is broken and it's going to take time for him to get it back. What you need to do now is give him that space and time to work it out. You can help him by letting him know that you love him and want to be with him. Don't just say it, show it. You also have to show patience. You can't rush him or tell him to just get over it. You have to allow him to proceed at his own pace while he goes through the rebuilding process. I believe you two will get over this. I wish you luck.

sweetnsexy

That is a tough one. You will have to work through it, and it will only work if both of you (you and your fiance) commit to forgiving and forgetting. If he really loves you then he should be able to forgive - but it might take some time. I know you must feel terrible and confused. Sometimes doing the right thing is the right thing and the wrong thing!

shine

im really sorry about your situation you probaly shouldnt have told him . Trust is very hard to get back and let me tell you time is the only answer to that one time heals all wounds but your relationship will never be the same again. dont take it for granted that he forgave you, because hes hurt, you betrayed him so hell never fully trust you ever but the one thing you do have on your side is honesty atleast you told him the truth so your trust might be saved i guess it depends on him

pisof49

sorry for your loss dear...i think you did the right thing and gave the man his dying wish. your fiance loves you and understands that

Petey

Here's my motto. "Put yourself in your partners shoes, before doing anything!!" Meaning, how would you feel if your partner did what you did, and how would it affect your relationship? It's too late for you now, but live and learn!! Trust takes a long time to regain!! Good Luck!

Eva

Your friend obviously really valued your friendship. What a friend you are!! It obviously was a hard thing for you to do because of your fiancee. I know if i was in your situation i prob would have done the same thing. I would do anything for my friends. Even if it was going behind a fiancee's back.

Hopefully he'll realise that you were doing it for your dying friend, and not for your satisfaction.

It will take a while for him to trust you again. But hopefully he will and you'll be able to enjoy your life together.

All the best with your fiancee, i hope it works out for you.

Southern Girl/ deal with it!

i see your delemma but i really don't know what to say except maybe some counceling might help, and course prayer always helps. good luck

ssbn598

While I understand why you slept with your dying friend, I cannot condone it. I would have the same problem your husband does.

Good luck.

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