It's backfired and now he is leaving me, help??

MRS D

let him go. No-one deserves to go through what you are going through you deserve better than this and you can do better. I think his totally ignoring you to see if you will make the first move and dont. If he trully loves you let him do the fighting for a change.
Really hope you work things out soon xx

martha jones

let him go

kiwi gal

LET HIM GO. WHY WOULD YOU WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH A LYING CONTROLLING MAN??? MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE, AND YOU CAN CONTROL WHAT YOU DO AND WHO YOU SEE. HE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL PIECE OF WORK. YOU PROBABLY DEEP DOWN DO NOT WANT HIM BACK, BUT YOU ARE AFRAID OF BEING ALONE. ALSO, GET A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER.

nendlin

so he went to his friends without restriction?why couldnt you then, this marraige is too onesided hun sorry to say.Also friends get to know where you and he are going next before you do,the man is selfish and given time you will live and breath and enjoy again with someone who deserves your affection.

Babyemz

no offence but the blokes no good for you anyway! he wont let you out without him, hes controlling and has a gambling problem! you say you've given him so many chances so leave him there! your better than that

Warren

You said it when you said "it was the final straw". This guy sounds like a big mistake. You'd be better off without him, hard as the break may be. Sounds like your daughter deserves better too.

Salsarican

Your husband will play game it sounds like to me and he will take your kindness for your weakness. When you stand up, execute and move forward without him, he will see a new you and that will be his punishment when he lost you.

Marla

I think the best thing to do would be to leave him, it seems as tho you are not happy with your situation..no-one should let themselves be controlled by another... or maybe less drastic try a trial separation and wait and see how he feels then ..it may make him appreciate you more...
couples need to retain their own identities and it seems that you are losing yours if you let him continue to treat you like he has...
ask yourself ..Do you love him still..?

Sweetnes

LOOK MY COUSIN IS BEING CONTROLLED IN THE SAME WAY THAT IS VERY UNHEALTHY. SERIOUSLY I KNOW YOU DONT WANT TO LOOSE HIM BUT IF HE DOSENT AGREE TO COUNCELING THEN IT'S TIME TO LET HIM LEAVE AND IF HE LEAVES IT WILL ONLY SHOW HIM HOW MUCH HE CANT LIVE W/O YOU PLAY THIS BY EAR TRY TALKING FIRST

Linda C

It's a mistake to think you can change someone. What you need to do is make him think he has to change. Men with controlling personalities will never think they need to change because they're perfect already. They're masters at getting their own way and his texting you is his way of doing that. You need to make up your mind what you want and stick to it. No more wishy-washy. Make a list of the pros and cons of staying. One column is stay, the other is go so you can compare your choices in black and white. Whatever you decide, it isn't going to be easy. Sometimes it's possible to be too nice, if you know what I mean. Sometimes you need to have nerves of steel.

If you still can't make up your mind, see a counselor.

Martijn Z

This guy is no good for you. I know it's difficult but you're better of alone. Don't fall for his games, just move out with your daughter.

rainbowbritemichigan

You dont want to make someone change, you cant, and its selfish to do so. They have to want to cahnge for themselves.

I dont think it back fired, if hes driving you crazy and you cant take it any more he needs to go.

You definately deserve time to yourself and you know you can just leave and go hang out, you dont have to ask his permission.

I wanted my husband to pay more attention to me, and do thing I love, go out more, hang out and have fun w/friends,
I did not try to change to him...but he fianlly relized he was wrong for 10 yrs and that i deserved better and he was gonna everything he could to make things better. And he is.

...but...my dad and mom have been married 28 years and my dad never chose to permentaly change and make my mom happy, he went thru spurts but nothing stuck.

Sit down and have a very serious talk w/him

Jorge

I went through the same thing last fall. My wife and I are still married but she lives with her friend 70 miles away. We see each other every other weekend which is pretty good. Time will eventually allow you and your husband to put these 'silly' arguements behind you. Whether or not you see them as silly will only be decided by if you fix and heal from your hurt, or give up and move on. To much in society we don't have enough patience and we want an instant fix, but all to often the answers to marriage problems dont come to till past the point of breaking.
It's freakin obvious your husband shouldn't be so controlling, I was the same way and for that I I am and was sorry for a long time. To be honest hes scared that when you go out you will enjoy the time you spend with your friends more than the time you spend with him. That and he may be jealous that he doesn't have as caring friends as you do; to hang out with.
If you love him, or you have a hard time deciding that you Dont love him, dont end it. Not only is it costly, but its personally hard. I tried going to a family therapists but it wasn't until my wife moved out and releazed out important family was to her that she was willing to change. I see now if I would have talked to a pastor things would have went better, but its unfortunate that we don't learn from others, and have to learn the hard way....

blueberry

first of all why do u ask his permission to go out? that i can't never understand, and u should be celebrating that he's moving out u should of spoken out a long time ago, let him out of your life good luck

Dani Bosco

Don't think of it as backfiring. He AGAIN is manipulating you again. Do you want your daughter growing up thinking this is the way married people treat each other? This may be a blessing in disguise.
Let him go. GOOD LUCK!!

swflsteelerfan

This is your out, so take it and get away from your CONTROLING husband. He want to control your every move and it may get worse, so my advice is to get out of this marriage now before its to late.

If he not want you to go out with friends and drink, then WHY is he allowed too? Again, this is a sign of a very controlling husband.

Andre

this is it, sweet heart. Its time for the crunch. This is when cowards crumble. What have you got? are u all talk? dont be silly, now is your chance

Paul C

he is playing games with you, make up your mind wot it is that you want and stick to it, its not healthy for your daughter to see this all the time i had a partner who did that and in the end i had to get out for my sons sake aswell as mine, or if you think hes worth it then tell him and get some pro help, sorry babe but you have to make that choice on your own but we are all here for you in any case, good luck sweetie, i know you will do wots right (if you leave he may just get the help he needs)

ThinkieWinkie

get a lawyer 'nuff said
<3

#2 in the oven

It sounds like he is over it and you should get over him. He is texting you to have a record so he can seem like the good one for divorce. Text him back and ask for things like marriage counseling. Also go get an attorney now.

RPRAJANAYAHEM

Leapords never change their spots. Just forget this incorrigible person. Your whole life is before you. You will see a greater person. Don't beg him to stay.

But you should understand one thing. All relationships are generally pathological. You have to be either a boss or a slave. There is some kind of exploitation, no other go

meko76

You can't change people. The only thing you can change is yourself. Good luck with your future. Life is what you make of it.

SWEETYPI

You should have never told him you didn't know if you wanted to be married to him anymore. That was a HUGE mistake if you didn't mean it.

He has now spent the week processing what you said and may have decided that was Fine with Him!

You can suggest counseling, and really dedicate yourself to your marriage. Ask him to get some help on his controlling issues.

Instead of worrying about your pride in having to beg him to stay, if you want him to try, then you need to stop acting childish and beg him to stay. Only you know what you want from him.

I am flattered my husband and I do nothing alone. I love that we choose noone else we would rather spend our time with than each other.

babydolly

so let him move, infact i think you should confront him about what he his friend girlfriend and let him know that he is free to move.

dingding

He is trying to control you. If he tells you he wants you back and you do it, he feels like he wins, and the whole cycle will start over again. You need to separate for a while, actually live separately, so you can decide if this is worth it to you anymore. Some individual counseling is a must, because he has beaten your spirit down. You didn't do anything that "backfired", dear, you were right to say you'd had enough.

mrs_endless

I would suggest to him that if he really wants the marriage to work then he must go to counseling with you. Maybe through counseling he will see that he is controlling, and see how that is making you feel and change for the better. Other wise it is like the others have said......being controlled makes for an unhappy marriage and the end result will be divorce eventually.

Sparklepop

You think you were bluffing when you said that you deserve more and want out of the marriage.

But deep down, you KNOW this is the truth. You didn't mean it when you said it - but you should have done.

You are right - if he did love you, he would fight for you. He's not fighting for you. Texting you isn't good enough. He needs to fix his problems, for a start.

Any man that controls you does not truly love and respect you - but thinks of you as his property. How can anyone respect something that they think of as their property? If you let him control you, you are showing him that you have no mind of your own. You are telling him that you are a weak person who does not respect herself. You're telling him that you have no life of your own. Who would respect and love someone like that?

But if you walk away from him, you will be showing him that you are a strong, independent woman, who won't take any crap and knows she deserves better.

Then if he loves and respects THAT woman, he will make a move to change his ways and win you back. But he can't do that whilst you are together.

Take the break. Let him move out. Separate for a while. If you are meant to be together, you will be.

DMH

sounds like to me there is a major connection issue between the two of you...why would a married man sleep in a different bed then the one his wife sleeps in? This is your decision, your not there to be controlled...and your not there to change him. You and your husband are supposed to help one another not change one or the other. Hope that helps.

Meme

A verse from a good song

"im not anybodys girl and i will not come home, and i wont play that good girlfriend u pushed around before, cause im not anybodys girl thats hows it gunna be, cant tell me what to do or say or who to be and the only one il ever answer to is me!"

Let him go!

C M

You need to come to terms with the fact your husband has a gambling addiction, control issues, and other problems. He needs help. You sound like you have tried to support and help him. However, in reality, he is not open to your help, and honestly does not appear to care about your emotional health and happiness. This is an addict. Even if he loves you, his needs come before yours.

You need to separate yourself from him for a while and see how he does. If he genuinely misses you and wants to make it work he will do what it takes. If not, then it was not going to work anyway based on the depth of his problems.

Stay strong and resolve to get on with your life, with or without him. You will only hurt yourself if you weaken your position. I wish you the best.

BreakingHeart

Sounds to me he is very manipulative. He is playing mind games with you since you have always been the one to take the blame, to apologize, to do whatever, he has come to expect that. You need to stand your ground with what you want in life and how you deserve to be treated. If he wasn't giving you the treatment and respect you needed prior to you standing your ground chances are he is going to do at anytime. You can't change a leopards spots. If he wants to leave, let him leave. You will be surprised at home much better your life could be. Its not going to be an easy road but it can open the door for someone to step in and show you how you really should be treated. Best of luck.

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