Jealousy Taking Over
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Jealousy Taking Over
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I met my wife more than 20 years ago. At the time, we were teens and she has a close male friend. They had dated in early high school, but nothing serious (never physical according to her). I've always been jealous, but I have also tried to be cool. Regardless, she continued to speak with him over the next 20 years, but from work or when I wasn't around. I don't call it hiding because I behaved so badly when she would speak to him in front of me that it was just easier. Recently, we have had some issues and have been seeing a therapist. Her root issue is the fact that she hasn't been assertive enough in our relationship. Now she wants to be and one of the things she is doing is being more open about this friendship. I recognize that I've not been the best husband and I'm open to working on most issues, but this one is tough. I do not have any close cross-gender relationships, in part due to my committment to her and my belief that if I don't like her having close male friends, I shouldn't have close female friends. The talk maybe three times a week and communicate electronically more often. Before my wife explained approached me about working on our marriage, I tried to be open to her seeing him. I don't want to control, but I don't know if I'll ever be cool with this especially now that I've given it so much thought (may be part of the problem). Most of my friends take my view. However, she is not my property and I don't feel that I have the right to dictate her life. She explains that she understands how I feel, but is unwilling to give up the friendship. And while I'd be thrilled if this friendship disappeared naturally, I do NOT want to ask her to give it up. Again, I don't want to control and I don't want her to resent me. Guess I'm afraid I'm starting to resent her! Can somebody give me some guidance? I trust that it isn't a romantic thing... they've had opportunities in the past and have not pursued them, but in my heart I worry that things could evolve there while she and I are working on our problems. Am I being irrational?
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The ultimate soul tooth fairy
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No, you are totally rational.
Stop worrying about your situation.
Prayer is the only solution in this case. :)
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