Just found out my husband...?

Myth

it was wrong to keep you in the dark about his friendship with this woman in the first place...it hurts more if your husband doesn't trust you, i know...

But you need to calm down first and give him the benefit of doubt...it wont be proper to jump to any conclusion if he says there isn't anything to it. But, well, don't take your relationship for granted...that's the reason you two are together in the first place right? Keep it going, coz if you felt this way it indicates that you feel something is missing. Try to find it out and work things out with your husband.

Also, have a good conversation with him, letting him know how much he means to you...it may sound a little weird saying it, but trust me, people do like to hear it!

And finally, good luck...

M S

If he isn't sleeping with her it is his next step.

[Gone]

Yea you should feel hurt. He lied. He is covering up, not mentioning he became friends with her.

cin_ann_43

You have every right to be upset. This is how affairs at work start. Yes they start of innocent but soon they turn into a affair.Maybe hubby does see it this way. or its all ready turned into romance. you too need to talk and insist this stop now..

Turkey Bowler

talk it out

nebulaenova

This is is a warning bell that you should hear. It hurts for your husband to cheat on you but it hurt even more if he has an emotional relationship. And you have every right to feel hurt because he has betrayed your trust.

However, this could be a sign of an underlying problem. It seems that your husband is looking for an emotional relationship. Have you guys been communicating? And when I said communicating, it's not talking about kids, the household etc. When did you guys go out and have a romantic date and just talk about each other? If you guys are not doing this, he might just crave the attention. I suggest visiting a marriage counsellor to see if you guys can talked it out.

My prayers are with you sister...

burner

This does not bode well

scarlet_bat

people hide things and keep secrets because they know what they're doing is wrong.....odds are it's an emotional affair

walkat1122

He is right the "friendship" isn't the problem if that is all it is. Him hiding it is the problem. Yes you should be hurt,

SEXY 818

Sorry to say this but there is something other than friendship happening or about to happen. If he is keeping it secret then there is something to hide. And yes it is a problem.

Surf n' Snow

he needs to not hang out with her. he's only allowed to see her at work. that's it!
or relocate!

Mr. Avatar: The Last Airbender

TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT

reidradionc

He needs to bend her over, and deliver the sausage.

trubabycakes

If it is so innocent then why did he feel to hide it, didn't he think it would make it look like there was something up, worst then it supposedly is? If that was my husband I would be beyond hurt, I would want to see what was going on for myself. That is just not right especially that you are married. You should ask to meet her, tell him you want to meet her and maybe help her as well, and do it just to see his reaction.

gtn

You have every right to feel hurt.

Tell you husband if they are friends, he should invite her over for dinner either with or without her husband. You want to get to know her. Please don't be mean to her. That way you could keep an eye on both of them.

snowcoveredtree

Omissions are lies!
He's been keeping this from you for two months, it's almost like a secret life!

I would be upset and I would confront him...
He needs to start respecting you and your marriage...
Him keeping anything from you [aside from maybe a surprise birthday present] is NOT ok.

say something!

Adrienne

I can understand both of you. Yes, he should have been honest about this. But then again, he knows you and probably wanted to avoid a conflict. Of course it was stupid and hurtful of him to lie about this, especially since lies always surface - sooner or later. He should have been aware that when you find out you will think that he kept it from you because he was trying to hide something. It's quite possible that he isn't hiding anything. But he should learn that in a marriage honesty and trust are a must. And you should consider why he feels the need to hide these kind of things. Ask yourself: how would you have reacted if he had told you. Would you have understood or would you have been hurt still, suspecting that there's more behind it than just friendship.

Brandy

I would feel hurt and somewhat betrayed. If she is just his friend then why has he been hiding these things, right? And why would he erase these messages? To make sure you don't find out. Yea, I'd be very upset!!!!

Going crazy in WI

When your husband can not be honest with you, there is something wrong. If he is concerned with how you will react, then he could be hiding something. I have recently gone through the same thing. My husband was confiding in a woman at work about issues at home but not talking to me about the issues, for fear of my reaction. It would also worry me if they are talking by phone and text messaging so often during the day. Ask yourself, how is your marriage doing? It is likely if this woman is talking with your husband about her issues, that he is doing the same with your issues. Now that you know about all the conversation they have been having, does he still erase text messages? I don't want to get you totally discouraged, as you may have nothing to worry about. The best think is communication right now with your husband. This is the thing I was lacking with mine. Feel free to send me a message to chat more...as our situations seem so similar.

shenango valley gal

well if hes just talking to her i dont see any problem. but if the messages are x-rated then yinz guys need to have a talk. my girlfriend knows i talk to other women and knows that i had two affairs, and weve gotten over it and were still together. but the question is... are they good friends or are they 'good friends'? still talk to your man about this and talk to her and her man about it too.

shamansway

Yes you should feel hurt because he has been keeping things from you and that is not healthy in a relationship. It was the beginning and the end for me. My ex wife cheated on me for 8 months behind my back while she was still sleeping with me. First they met through work and then the phone calls started which i found on the phone bills. So we went to marriage counseling which obviously didn't work because she started cheating and now we are divorced. Be CAREFUL.

LOLITA

okay! You two are married he has a moral obligation to absolutely be honest with you. If it is only a friendship then he should have nothing to hide right or does he? He is not looking at this from your point of view, You have every reason to feel hurt, when you decide to commit your life to someone that means that there is certain common ground that you two always walk on. lately he has been playin by his own rules. It does not matter what so ever what this lady is going through. You come first and if he doesn't agree then unfortunately you are gonna have to reevaluate the morals that you thought he brought to your marriage. It is never okay for a grow married man to befriend a grow women. whether it is her or even him there obviously something more going on here then he wants to admit.You need to demand that this end or you will reach out to the women yourself and ask her what her intentions are with your husband. for all you know since he has been lying she may have a different story than he is leading on. Married or not men sometimes just aren't that bright when it come to matters of the heart.

sscott12414

I think that you have a right to be upset. Him not saying anything just makes him look bad. If all it is friendship then why haven't you met her. Ask him to invite her over for dinner. If they are just friends then it should be a problem. Also ask him how he would feel if it was you with a male friend with marriage problems and you were talking to him every chance you can.

Tony

I can see it from your perspective and would be upset too. I understand his explanation but he's still in the wrong. He should have told you about her from the start. Being open and honest to your spouse is a good thing......it leads to suspicious thoughts and tensions if one spouse has secrets....as you already know.

Glad you caught this early.....There might be something more to this and then there might not be. But it's still workable. Good luck.

red1967

I would text message him and act like I am her and see what he has to say. You can also cancel his phone account. He should tell you everything unless he is hiding something.

luvlisteningtomusic

Yes it is a problem. He was hiding you from her. If there was nothing going on he would not be so secretive he would tell you every detail. You might want to hire and investigator and see what is really going on. If it was just a friend he would not erase the text messaging, he is only doing that because there is things that are typed on there he does not want you to see. Something smells rotten if you ask me.

Chronic Observer

He is either doing her or planning to do her. It's time for you to have the "It's me or her " talk.

fogofwarcat

This is going to lead to bigger problems. You need to talk this out, or even see a marriage counselor. If he won't go with you, go on your own. You can't force him to end this friendship, but he needs to know WHY this friendship will threaten your marriage. The result can go either way. He may leave you. He may wake up and understand what a marriage is meant to be, and then he may pay more attention to your feelings. You have every right to feel hurt. You must explain it to him. Good luck.

Abby

I had a married male friend once. He also was having problems in his marriage and we use to talk about it often. We even started e-mailing each other then we started having lunch together. Then we ended up sleeping together. You husband and his friends relationship sounds similar to what I had with the gentleman I spoke of earlier. he's having an affair and if you love your husband and value your marriage you better step in and do something about this. Think before you attempt anything.

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