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Sunshine
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I'm sorry but I don't know what you should do. But I can answer your other questions-
1) Yes I think you are in an abusive relationship.
I have a family similiar to hers that behave the same way, and I agree with you, she is communicating the wrong way. It sounds like she is verbally abusive, by calling you gay and a mother******. I am only 16, but I would never talk to my husband this way if I had one. I don't know if other people categorize this as normal or not, but I don't. It is not good communication and you should always work out disagreements in a healthy way. Plus cutting up your shirt, spitting on you, and slapping you is also kind of abusive and if you didn't cheat on her then she shouldn't have done it. Putting a bad over her head and saying "maybe I should kill myself like your brother did" is a really really bad thing to do. This person was your brother, and he probably meant a lot to you, and to joke/ mock about something like that is wrong because it is hurtful and it is talking about a very sensitive incident that happened.
2) I don't think it is something you're doing.
If you weren't cheating on her then I don't think you did anything wrong. You didn't mention what you had disagreements about but it seems like she is the one escalating it. I think if you find yourself in a disagreement, the best thing to do is to not yell and try to see her point of view, but overall, it seems like you aren't doing a lot wrong because everyone gets into disagreements sometimes but the best thing to do is to work things out and the way she is reacting to disagreements is not good and it doesn't allow anything to be resolved.
I think you should try to help her and get through it. See if you can convince her to get help for her anger. Maybe leaving her and living somewhere else for a while will help her see that she has a problem and she may be willing to get help after that. But if she doesn't change, I'm sorry, but the next option is an enullment or divorce.
I don't know if this helps but I have been in abusive relationships and it does sound like it fits under verbal abuse. I don't know what you should do about it, sorry, but I hope this helps and I hope everything works out 4 you! =) |
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gypsy g
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RUN!!!!!!
Your girl got serious issues. |
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RJ
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Get a good divorce lawyer and leave her...most divorces over "mental" or "physical" abuse get rushed in the court system. Also get a restraining order against her...and please don't have any children with this woman. |
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Josh W
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Leave that BIOTCH! She doesnt deserve you, and if that is normal behavior in her family, then her family is screwed up! People dont treat people that they love like that. of course im only hearing one side of the story but my bet is she takes you for granted. dont settle for a women who doesnt respect you, there are plenty of women out there. |
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♥ ♥Be Happi♥ ♥
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You are in an abusive relationship, verbal abuse, which could escalate into physical.
You don't hit one another, not in anger, you don't spit, you don't threaten, you don't make fun of the difficult times others have experienced.
When married you are there to be an extension of the other, the two halves which complete the circle and make you a couple.
This isn't a marriage it is a circus, and I would say get out now before you bring poor innocent kids into this mess.
Good luck! |
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William D
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I agree with you that the bahavior is not normal, is abusive, manipulative, threatening, etc. You need to see a counselor, both of you. Make it a non-negotiable situation. Tell her either we see a conselor and work these things out or I'm out the door. I'd go ahead and divorce her if she will not comply. There's something very wrong. |
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Chels
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do you really need us to tell you that what you are experiencing is not a good thing?!?!? Good lord, dude get out! She seems like she enjoys making you feel bad and gets off on seeing you sad. As long as you are not leaving half of the story out - like the part where you are an *** and slap her around, etc, then you should get out now before you 2 have any children together! |
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~Blondie~
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it will just get worse you need to leave her if she doesnt want any help |
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Troll Slayer
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I'd definitely recommend marriage counseling but I guess that didn't work. This sounds like my ex-wife and I tried to deal with it for 3 years myself. In fact, it sounds like you married her. I'd set an ultimatum that either she go to counseling or you're done. Hopefully there's no kids yet. The longer you wait it out, the more spousal support you'll have to pay. If you just got married, you can get out without paying it.
There's no reason to have to put up with abuse and it doesn't get better. |
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bionicbookworm
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I would honestly recommend counseling or divorce. Let her make the call. Personally, anyone who threatens me with a knife or assaults me is out. Period. |
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PRS
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Sounds like she has some anger management issues. If she won't go get help, the only thing you can do is get counseling for yourself. And, yes, she is abusive, mentally and physically, if there are not children involved you might want to reconsider whether you want to spend your life with this woman. |
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Velegôri
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Well I can see right away this is not a healthy relationship. Your wife obviously has some anger issues. You could always talk about it to your parents if you can. They would probably be able to help. |
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staci
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sadly i think you should seriously consider divorce. she has issues and needs to resolve those on her own and if she's not willing than there's nothing more you can do. that part about the suicide is very serious... no one should ever make those accusations especially knowing what you've been through. good luck man, i hope it all works out for you! |
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Stephanie J
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Wow... and you married her why? If this is normal behavior in her family, this had to be around before you married her.
I'd get out as fast as I could and run without looking back. |
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maddass
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Leave her, you deserve better, you dont have to put up with that kind of behaviour........... |
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himeda g
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Leave that HEFFA! Your safety comes first! Then your happiness comes! There are so many more women out there. |
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David's Mom!
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She is not willing to treat you like a human being. She will not change for you or for anyone else. Sorry, I would say you need to leave. You are in a terribly abusive relationship and should not continue. File for divorce before she can. |
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Blade_III
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Get out now. She doesn't even want to work on this stuff. She doesn't care about you or your relationship. |
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simplesongsprettywords
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you are definatly in an abusive relationship, don't waste your life with someone who doesn't love and appreciate you, with someone you aren't happy with, unless she changes her behavior you should divorce her. |
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kJ
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Yes, this is an abusive relationship.
This is not the way you were raised. She, obviously has issues. What if she gets pregnant??? Can you imagine her raisng YOUR children with HER morals and values?
Your better than that. You deserve a woman that is gonna treat you like a man deserves to be treated.
If she is refusing to work with you on this marriage, You need to end it. good luck to you. |
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mhireangel
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Why would you marry someone like that in the first place. Yes its an abusive relationship, get out of it. |
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Alterfemego
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Hire a really good divorce attorney. Abuse of any kind is unacceptable behavoir. |
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godiva4850
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Short answer: yes, you are in an abusive relationship.
Longer answer: I think I have to envoke my own rules of engagement here: there should be deal breakers and when a line is crossed, bets are off. My feeling about marriage is that once the vows have been broken, the wounded party is allowed to walk away if he/she needs to. If your wife is emotionally and physically terrorizing you, there is nothing wrong with packing a suitcase and taking some time away, even leaving. I don't see the point of staying in a relationship that is making one party miserable and doing nothing to help the abuser. If there is a way to get her help (which she obviously needs), try. If you love her, don't make that an excuse to ignore your own self respect and potential happiness. And, I am so sorry about your brother. |
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Ella
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She sounds kinda looney, I wouldn't waste my time with her anymore, the fact that she takes a serious very upsetting tradgedy and mocks it is total BS! You must be doing something to piss her off though, but still she sounds very childish. |
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Fan
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She's obviously not willing to work on her behavior. It would be best if you divorced her. This is definitely not a healthy relationship. |
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future_star106
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And you married this person. Leave immediately before something bad happens. I know you may love her, but some people just need to be loved from a distance. |
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kristilkleer
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It truly sounds like she has some anger issues. No surprise she didn't want a counselor pointing that out to her!
I think there is something wrong with someone who clearly intends to hurt someone by using their past that they have no control over (your brother's suicide). I also think there is something wrong with someone who can't get mad and express their anger without using personal attacks.
I don't have a suggestion for you other than to get out if she is unwilling to work on these issues but you do need to consider this trend in her family. Do you really want to live like this and possibly bring children into this environment? If she is unwilling to recognize and then modify her behavior, it would seem this is the only solution.
She could also have some sort of mental issues, these commonly run in families (meaning they are usually genetic) so that could explain why her family behaves this way as well. The problem is, you can't get her help if this is the case without her realizing this herself. You're in a very bad predicament but you still have to do what is right for you and your well-being. After all...it might take you leaving (or enough people leaving as no one would want to be around someone who acts this way) for her to realize she has issues.
I would also have to asks, and I mean no disrespect, but why would you ever marry someone who spit in your face? |
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cinnatigg
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I hate to tell you what to do, but first off, do you love her? If so, just do to her what my hubby does to me when I go off on a tangent. It works, it pisses me off, but it works. Either hold her until she calms down or sit on her until she comes down. If you do the sitting, you have to sit on her where she is totally helpless and she can't scratch you. It works better than the holding and works to call you down a whole lot faster than the holding. It is a mental issue thing, you can threaten to leave, but it won't have as much as impact on her unless you respond in a way she understands. And this is better than slapping the crap out of her because you won't be hurting her. |
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amanda r
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I would say this IS an abusive relationship. Emotional abuse is still as hurtful as physical pain. I could see how hard it would be to live like that.....and think..if the two of you don't have children yet....can you imagine the confusion and fear a child would experience??!! I hate to say it, but if she refuses to see the truth and work on it in counseling, I would leave. |
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that's interesting
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Why in the world did you ask her to marry you? Did you expect her behavior to suddenly change when the ring got on her finger. You are in for aVERY LOOONG and unhappy marriage. I'm not an advocate for Divorce, but all the signs point to that. It's not just a communication problem. You knew exactly what you were marrying, so don't try to sound surprised now! You may need to speak to a counselor to work out why you would choose to be with someone like that. Your should be in counseling and you should be attending church. You need God's guidance through this thing.
Also, PLEASE DON'T HAVE KIDS UNTIL THIS IS RESOLVED. Don't subject innocent child to unneccesary abuse. |
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Been There
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Yes, sadly you are in an abusive relationship. My ex did very similar things to what your wife is doing to you very soon after we married too. It was a total shock to me as I wasn't raised that way (like you) and had no idea what to do. I tried to get him all the help possible (tried loads of different options) but despite him saying he wanted to change, the abuse all got worse. You cannot change them, you cannot help them, but you can help yourself. It sounds scarily like what I had to deal with before the physical abuse started...I wish I had known then what I know now, that my ex was suffering from a Personality Disorder and I was not able to help them. Its very sobering, but from one who has been through it, I have to say, get out and save your sanity. Your psychological health and recovery depends on it! Take Care |
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