Lost that loving feeling?

After many years of putting up with verbal and emotional abuse from my husband, I finally broke down and insisted that we go to marriage counseling. So now he is starting to improve a little bit, he does not attack me verbally the way he used to.

He says he is sorry and he really loves me. However, I don't seem to have any feelings for him one way or the other. I told him that my feelings right now for him are neutral and I don't know if they can ever change.

He then pleaded with me to try to love him, and put forth some effort by giving him hugs every day and I agreed, but he thinks that means that he can hug me and put his arm around me any time we're in the same room, and when we get in bed at night he wants to pet for an hour and it's making me crazy.

All this touching does not feel good, it just
feels weird and kind of makes me mad.

Should I just keep going along with this?
Will this make my love for him return?

Please - serious answers only.

elisavann

Sorry to say, it seems like it's over for you. His effort is too little, too late. Don't keep going along with it, you're wasting precious time in your life being unhappy. Time you'll never get back.

Try a separation. If you're happier/ more comfortable without him, you'll find out this way. If you miss him and the feelings return, there may be hope. I beleive that a trial separation is the best choice now. You or he move out, limit verbal contact, no physical contact at all.
Then you'll know for sure, and will be able to proceed with a divorce in good conscience when the time comes, if that's what you decide.

Belle

You both need to learn how to speak each other's love language. Obviously physical touch is not how you receive love. I suggest reading a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It will help you discover what your love language is, and your husband can learn to speak it so that you will start feeling his love. Once you know that he loves you, it will be easier for you to love him back. It's a short book and won't take very long to read, and it will probably help immensely. You aren't feeling loved by him because he's speaking the wrong love language to you.

Lorraine

Think back and the time you started with him, what made you fall in love with him.
Write down his good qualities, and write down his bad qualities, and concentrate on them, and think if you would really live without him. Because is changing for you, that means a lot.
And pray let God help you and guide you.

Paz

Complicated... What can I say? You have a relationship that not goes right! So many fights, so many offense... If your love is over, there's nothing he could make to change this! Well... Along the time, the feellings change! If you two haven't anything to share, it's better to finish all!

There N Back Twice

Think about this long term. Twenty years from now, do you want to look back and say "man, I'm so glad I stayed in this loveless marriage" or "wow, I'm so glad I was brave enough to step out of my dead marriage and find true love and passion in my life"? I like the sound of the second one.

Robert

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Bill C

If it feels right, it is. If it doesn't feel right it isn't. From what you are saying here, it doesn't feel right. In fact, it probably feels like he's forcing himself, and that makes it feel 'fake'.

Another point is that he is making a choice to behave this way. If that's true, then why did he also make the choice to be abusive? It's all for what?

My sense is that it's too little, too late.

Farrah

wow, i was here before, once it was gone for me it was gone forever, so i guess try and do things to spice it back up and bring the love back but if the damage is done and you're to the point of no return then thats his fault and you've got to move on

Horoscope G

get rid of him

Kennady

get rid of him.
he doesn't seem to deserve you.

it is his fault.
not loving feeling, you can't help it.

you can't make yourself LOVE him.
make sure you amke the right decision.

good luck hun!

Christopher W

If it bothers you to do it, ask him to stop. It will not magically make your love return for him. Most likely it will just drive you away from him faster. Tell him that you are still confused about your feelings and that for now you need some physical space, that being if you still want to try. Love is strange, most of the time though it seems that once it is gone, it is gone.

Good luck.

Tanaya O

dump him

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