Make or break decision- totally heartbroken- can you help me?

if you love someone enough, can you overcome a huge problem in the relationship?

today i have to decide if i want to leave my boyfriend of 18 months, we live together. he suffers from great great depression that stems back to when his parents abandoned him and he never got over it- he is 42 now. i am 28. i give him so much love and offer help and try to sit and talk to him about how he feels.

now, i feel as though some sort of barrier has come down over me and i am so sad. its like i cant help any further, i dont know what to do.

last night i stayed at a friends and did not answer his calls etc so i could think. today i went home and he is devastated and doesnt want to loose me.

he admitted that he thought i would always be there, to accept how he is sometimes. i think he got a shock.

he says that the thought of loosing me is toomuch to bear, he tried to hold me but i moved away. i guess i am just hurt about things.

but inside, my heart is screaming out to stay. but my head says i have to show him i wont be treated badly.

its tearing me up, how can we work it out?

how can i help him? could our relationship become stronger if we tried to get through this bad time?

need some help! xx

jude

if u really love him and he loves u, and the problems don't stem from a betrayal, there is always a way to work it out. if he is depressed he should go to the dr's, he could have a chemical imbalance and antidepressants could be the answer. if he is worried he may loose u, he might be open to some therapy along with something for his depression. lots of people suffer from depression and medication is the answer.

Starliquid

I am struggling with a similar situation myself with a boyfriend struggling with alcoholism. I am guessing you will get a bunch of answers saying "leave him" or "move on". Obviously that is not the answer you are looking to hear. I am finally coming to terms with the decision I do not want a life where I am treated poorly. Its not the sort of decision all people can make in a night or two. If you believe he is the man that can support you and bring you joy 5, 10 yrs from now - go to counseling with him. If deep down you are staying because of a fear of starting over or being alone start re-evaluating your life, read a new earth by ekart tolles (sp?), write a list of the things you want out of life (family, success etc.) and get some distance from the situation. Sometimes in long term relationships we put up with things we would never put up with had he shown that behavior in the first few months.
Sadly I don"t think you can fix him, he needs to work on himself and the best you can do is be supportive.
Good Luck
p.s. until you have worked this out make sure you are vigilant about using birth control.

drjaycat

Depression is a medical condition, not caused by his parents abandoning him and equally not fixable by counselling. If he really HAS depression then presumeably it was professionally diagnosed and is being treated with appropriate medication. If it has NOT been diagnosed then he may well be using it as an excuse for his behaviour. If it has been diagnosed but he refuses to take medication then he must accept responsibility for that.
If he can't, then I think you should probably leave as nothing will improve.

Katrina

It's hard to be with someone who is depressed. He needs to be in counseling to help him resolve his issues. It will take a long time and you must be willing to be patient with him.
For you, you must decide weither you want to stay with him because you still love him, not because you are afraid of how he going to take it.
I don't have enough information as to what things are making you hurt and how he's treating you badly. You didn't expand on that. It would depend on those things as to weither you stay or leave also.
Good luck.

â™¥The Mrs.â™¥

Leave. Love worth staying for suits your head first then your heart.

candi redd

If he refuse to let his past go even w/ counseling that you are 28 and life is too short to concern yourself with a man who may not change.

marriedandamom

Being with a depressed person will bring you down, as you have discovered.
He has to take responsibility and want to try to get well. There is counseling (church or secular). There are many medications and activities and support groups.
It is unrealistic to expect that you can be his cure. It is unfair that he depends on you for some level of happiness.
This relationship is unhealthy and you both need some help to get through the rough times.
If you love him, can get some healthy support and a break once in awhile, sure - you can make it work but you have to work together. The burden must not rest solely on your shoulders or it will burn you out.

honest girl!

It seems that your partner is depending on you solely to get him through his depression, when really the only way he can get through this is by him seeking the right professional help.

If he does love you he would then make every effort to sort himself out, and it is not fair on you to take on his burden. Be firm with him and tell him what he needs to do..

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