Marriage and Affairs? Help needed?

i'm back again

listen to me i am a experience guy older then you. sit down and make a list of things about your wife and then the next time you meet this other woman you talk to her about those things. Then you take your foolish young crazy a*s*s home where you belong. Everyone you meet will seem perfect haven't you learned anything in life yet. That person is only perfect because the situation is perfect you have got to be smarter then that.

Aaron

Dont be tempted man. Stay with your wife. You have been together 10 years and will probably share many more great years together. Leave her for this girl and u could stand a good chance of loosing everything. How do you know the relationship isnt going to fall apart a few weeks later. Stay with the woman you married.

Nicole

It is really easy to make an emotional connection with someone when you are not living the "real life" with them. You don't have to talk about bills, schedules, kids or other mundane issues. You can talk about your interests and the newness of exploration is exciting. It also isn't real. It's a high just like a drug. You heard of the term the grass is greener. Well, generally it really isn't. I'm sure you thought the same thing about your wife, once upon a time. The newness is worn off and you want to flirt, want someone to find you attractive, it's fun. It is a fantasy. You don't have to deal with real life with her.

My advice, work on your marriage. Set aside time to talk about frivolous things with your wife. Start dating her again. Spice things up at home. Don't talk to this woman, it is a recipe for disaster. Also, check out website Marriagebuilders.com. It has some good articles, there is one specifically about how affairs start and why.

Good luck!

Shannon H

What do you think your wife would do if she met a man along the same scenario lines? How would you feel if you knew that she was thinking about it? You say you have been married for 10 years almost...is it possible you missed your "7 year itch" and are going through it now? Maybe you need to let this girl go and determine whether you're unhappy with your marriage or yourself - because it sounds like you have a great wife. 2 weeks is NOT enough time to break what you have with your wife over a girl 10 years younger than you. If she's 10 years younger, she's probably not really looking for a long term relationship (considering she's giving you the impression she'd be willing to jeopardize it) - especially with an older, marriage man. She probably wants a fling. Are you willing to jeopardize everything you have built with your wife for that? Are you willing to hurt the woman who built your life with you; shared in all your memories? Get over it - you are fantasizing and you need to get your priorities straight...sooner the better.

Angel2007

Tough one....I had kinda the same thing happen to me. But, in the end ended up staying in my marriage because it turned out to be just a physical attraction that changed over a few months. If you just met her...you hardly know her. Why would you give up a marriage over a "crush". Sure she is younger and "fresher" but the grass is not always greener on your neighbor's lawn. You need to give this more time and see if this is really your "soul mate". Sometimes marriages become sedinatry and somewhat boring and the first people that are like us, are attraqtive and interesting, we misinterpret it as something "special"..... Stay friends and defineity give yourself time (at least a year) to examine your true feelings. You have a lot to lose. There is someone who loves you and you need to remember your vows.

teddy

This is transitory and in time will pass, you have made a lifetime commitment to your wife so stick to it. Easier said than done, but the heartache you will cause will be insurmountable and if you have children then that makes the situation even worse. You feel flattered, younger woman and all that,i am not suggesting you are having a mid life crises but perhaps you are suffering from a hitch which can happen in any marriage. I think that if you break up your marriage to be with this girl you will regret it for the rest of your life.

a new me UK

Well I believe you and this girl suit each other -probably are soul-mates because you are both prepared to lie and cheat.
You must have expected that as an answer. If you want to stop this then you need to grow a back bone and not arrange to meet her, the time you are wasting with her could be spent improving things between you and your wife. If you are in any way an intelligent man you will know this is lust and infatuation, and as for saying you would be less comfortable if you left your wife - what the hell does that say about you? Maybe you should start thinking about how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot and you were in danger of losing your wife to another man - start looking at her as your soul mate again, after all she has put up with you for 10 years - warts and all.

SEJ71

I saw my ex fiance go through this, yes when we were together he fell for another girl and the minute they met I just knew it! I saw that spark. So for starters don't think for one minute that your wife doesn't suspect something!
now think about her finding out? I almost killed myself when the truth came out, the pain was too much to bear, he was my life and I trusted him implicitly.
You need to feel for your wife again, imagine her pain and hurt, what does it make you feel?
Sometimes people come into our lives to test us, to shake the apple tree and see what falls out.
You love your wife and you should be content with that, some people can't even find what you have, don't throw it away mate, it's not worth it. I suggest you stop all contact with that girl for at least 4mths and concentrate on your marriage.
What if your wife told you tonight she had met someone else ...how would it make YOU feel?
THINK about your WIFE! You're committed to her, not this other woman!

marseillelangres

Dear moodyGlen,

What you are experiencing is not unique. Just because we are married doesn't make us dead to the world or find another attractive and desirable. It happens probably to most people in all marriages. I'm sure they don't let the world know their emotional secrets. You didn't mention how you met this girl.? Your marriage sounds like it could use a lift. The other girl might find you fascinating because of your financial status. Most girls see that first and foremost in a man. Much of us tend to expect it from an older man. I seriously doubt that if she had to be with you and watch you start your life over from scratch, she would turn and run.
Just start to see your wife as you once did. There must have been something there that made you fall in love with her? Hopefully it is still there. You need to stop tormenting yourself over a girl that isn't and shouldn't ever be in your life. A good marriage is a rarity these days. Don't play a fool and throw it all away. I don't think you will be happier with a younger girl. Let her sow her wild oats with her own kind and with people her own age. Don't confuse her more than she probably is.
Stop calling and tell her that you are no longer interested in pursuing this relationship, because you decided you wanted to put all your efforts into your marriage, and mean it.

Good Luck,

Sincerely,

Marseille

Jason Las Vegas

So up until 2 weeks ago you were happily married, and now, after two weeks you are willing to throw away a relationship that has been in marriage for nearly 10 years? I'm sure that when you met your wife, during the first two weeks, you hit it off straight away, were very similar in your likes and dislikes, and were like sole mates. Thats what happens when you first start dating. You aren't into this girl, you are trying to relive a a moment that you had in the past and hoping to make your future new and exciting. I'm not going to attack how you feel, because how you feel is how you feel, and if you and your wife were having problems before hand, then things would be different. You should use your head on this one, not your heart. When you are in a relationship, you should never end it for another person. Your relationship, whether it is dating or marriage, should end because you aren't happy with your significant other. If you end your marriage now, start dating this other girl and possibly get married, there is a good chance down the road you may meet someone else like this girl and want to leave her as well for someone else. I've only been married for nearly 4 years, but there were reasons we got married and it wasn't because I was waiting for something better to come along. The grass may seem greener but thats because you don't have to get dirty everyday to help it grow.

My advice, stick with your wife and don't talk to this girl for a little while. Let the fantasy take a reality check. Chances are good that if you end your marriage, which by all accounts was a good marriage, you will regret it for a long time, especially once this other girl leaves you. We all wonder when married after a while whether or not something might be better out there. The search for a new relationship should have ended when you said "I Do" and I cant' think of one plausible reason to end your marriage when you have no problems with your spouse. Best of luck to you.

Rick H

Dude... I hope you read this very carefully. You are getting involved with a woman who has no objections to wrecking her long term relationship as well as yours. If you go ahead with this I'm sure you realize that she had no problem cheating on her spouse and she realizes that you cheated on yours. Just how much do you think both of you will trust each other realizing you are both cheaters, liers and capable of hurting other people. What you sow will be returned to you. History has a way of repeating itself.

janetrmi

Thre grass always look greener on the other side of the fence. If you left your wife and hooked up with this girl, all the similar likes and dislikes will start to grate on you and then she will no longer feel like your soul mate.

The first thing you need to do is cut off all ties with this girl. She is not respecting you, your wife and your marriage. If you left your wife for her, what's to keep her from leaving you for someone else? The Bible says you reap what you sow. Satan wants nothing more than to tear your marriage and family apart, not to mention taking you down to hell with him for defiling the marriage bed..

ffiondove

Put more effort into you your marriage and stop seeing this girl. Marriage is a very long contrct and it is totally unrealistic to think you will never be atracted to someone else, you will. The trick is to sidetrack these feelings by putting more time and effort into your relationship, as that strengthens the other person will recede from your thoughts, it's just infatuation, it's normal.
Please try and spend more time with your wife doing things that you both enjoy, remember why you married her in the first place.
I have been married for 31 years and have been through it all, take my advice it works - Good Luck.

spazzydee17

This new girl can't be as great as you think if she is willing to be with you even though you are married. Is she worth breaking your wife's heart over, or are you and your needs more important than your wife and her needs?

ANU U

Never Never leave your wife.This girl is only a passing phase of your life,and this phase comes in everyone's life at leaste once.Just enjoy this feeling without hurting anyone.

brkshandilya

If you have read other answers, then you should have a fairly good idea about the general opinion about your situation.I don't know what meaning you assign to a word like a soul mate,as till few weeks back you had some one else for a soul mate or an equivalent to it.What you are under going is a kind of an infatuation,which is the result of popularly known as a 7 or 9 year Itch,in married couples.Nothing strange and quite normal.So how does one go about in dealing with it?One way is emotional and likely to land you in difficult situation.The other is a hard core mature way in which you weigh the pros and cons and take a bold decision.ONLY you can decide and but must take responsibility.In your place,I for one would have stayed with my wife for obvious reasons of peace,stability and my commitment towards my family,her and others.One can always have fun and relief in side of a marriage.if required.

Harriet

That's not a good situation. If you do anything with this young girl, then at least have the decency to break it off with your wife first. Actually cheating would be worse. And don't go thinking you're smart enough to have a few shags with the young girl and nobody will find out - it very rarely works like that, somebody knows or somebody wants more and it goes wrong.

Sounds like an infatuation that wouldn't last, just think about where you would be after it's finished with the young girl and then it's also over with the wife? If you can handle that both emotionally and logistically then break up with the wife and chase the young chick. It'll probably all turn sour, but that's your risk to take. Whatever you do try not to hurt your wife, k?

Spell check and if you and your "sole mate" are so great. Get a divorce and starve together. It's a fling and you know it!

alan h

The question you need to ask is how much your marriage is worth. Not in terms of cash,though you plainly rate that highly, but in all that has been put into it over the years. Is it wqorth jeopardising that for this young bit of fluff, who clearly is hanging on to her longterm relationship.
Be honest...you know what you ought to do. Love or lust. The choice is yours.

H_Chick

Youve answered the question for yourself if you can see yourself and your wife in your golden years - dont go blowing something really good over an infatuation.

redlucky7

You sound like a smart guy who has really thought this through from present feelings to whom you would be happy growing old with. You never said how you felt about your wife and whatever problems the two of you are having at the moment. Ten years of marriage is a pivotal point for most. You have been together so long you take each other for granted. You look for something to liven up your marriage..but in this case you looked outside the marriage instead of inside.

Think about this, and i am in no way saying that this new girl isn't the one for you...but you havent known her but 2 week or so. She apparently has issues with her current relationship. It's always easier in the short term to start caring for or even seeing someone else INSTEAD of dealing with your problems at home. But the fact is home should be the first thing you try to fix. You will have to face it one day whether you decide to stay or go. Give your wife another chance...sometimes love isn't gone its just been misplaced. Find it again and consider the new girl a sort of indication that you are still alive and yearning for a closer relationship. Maybe she came along to make you see that... not to make you choose her over what you already have with your wife.

elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom

well, here's the thing... she is probably faking alot about herself... you may think you have alot in common... but, she is probably lying to you about most of herself... she is lying to her significant other about you, what makes you think she is not lying to you??? love is a choice and a commitment... many people have alot in common in this world, does this mean we should pursue all of them? nope, your vow was to forsake all others, and you are not doing that...! may I remind you about child support and alimony? you should be working on your marraige, not your personal interests...

Dragon

mate seriously dont go there I am trying to win back my wife after messing up and cheating on her with a woman I had convinced myself was my soul mate she was fun happy exciting and she always made me laugh and feel good we could have conversations about anything she was never sad or angry and she just had this spark about her.
She had been what my wife had not been for quite some time but the 1 thing she wasnt was the woman I love with all my heart after watching her tear my wife to shreds through blogs on line I finally realised it was just a power trip for her and Id been used thats not why I chose my wife over her though when I saw my wife totally destroyed and realised it was my fault I knew I had to fix what Id done.
Dont put your wife through this do not see this girl and start putting more effort into your wife trust me this is 1 path you want to steer well clear of.

Mr. Wizard

Two words: unrequited love: you feel for someone who evidently doesn't carry such feelings to that level, albeit she's everything you want and then some. Best to let her go. If you think you're "sick and depressed" now, imagine how stressed out you'll get trying to maintain an affair......it's not worth the loss---trust me.

Cold shower time, dude--doubts exist you'll score the touchdown w/ this hottie. But the experience does educate one about themselves.

It appears you're not happy in this 10 year marriage; if you were, you wouldn't be seeking this potential mistress.

Can the marriage be fixed? Should you see a counselor who can guide you to finding this out? Divorce is a pretty big step--just like marriage.

Clear the head, ask yourself the questions and seek out the answers---alone.......unless you want to tell the wife what's going on (something I don't think should happen right now).

Pitstop!!

My God, same scenario, I was married for 14 years and together with the guy for 21 years, he fell for a friend of mine who was 10 years younger than him, he was/is obsessed with her, he walked out on my kids and me to go live with her, he tells me he has never been so happy (wish I could say the same for my kids). It's upto you, only you know your relationship with your wife and if your willing to give it all up for something that might not last.

Samantha W

Get real! This younger gal is only a fantasy for u! Get back with your wife and make her happy

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