Marriage and Money Question?

vettie

What the hell is with this your, mine and never ours? You know that's what happens to a lot of people, you start to draw these fine lines because one make more money than the other and yada yada. Use CASH to buy gifts!! If the other spouse make more money who gives a crap so does the couch become HIS because he bought out of his paycheck and the blender you wanted become YOURS because that was all you could afford with your portion. I am sure this is a common thing for married couples...that's why they are all now divorced.

Money is a thing...is amoral. Is not good or bad until someone wraps their fingers around it and it becomes like that person. You are an asset manager of money that was given to you by God. Why not use it like it is not yours and God's instead and take care of the things that need to be taken care of first. Tithe and do the helpful things you need to do TOGETHER. If you treat money like it runs the household you are doomed and you will not make it. Finances is the number one reason for divorce...how many of those people treated money like it was a part of the family.

Nunya F

I think that if they are personal accounts they should be just that....personal. You should both only have access to the joint checking and not each others personal accounts. Good luck.

Tryna-Hyde

it's always good to have a little something of your own, without the hassle of having someone monitoring your moves. i realize that you won't necessarily be doing that, but he works for his money just like you do - he should be entitled to spend his 40% how he feels. if he learns that he's not being responsible, then he'll have to clean it up himself.

good luck.

â™¥â˜†Mrs. Roseâ˜†â™¥

I think your husband is right. You should have your own checking accounts. the only reason you would need to be on his is so you could snoop and see what he's buying cuz I'm pretty sure he's not gonna let you spend the money in his personal checking account.

Knowslots

i say iwould be ok with it. Sounds like after awhile he might want to change his mind. There really isnt a need to have access to all three, iw ould let him have it that way. Thats how i would want!

silly_duck96

It is not weird. And I would be ok if my husband said this. I mean, if you ever wanted to leave him, you could save up 1000s without him knowing and get the hell out. I am not saying that is what he is doing..but people need privacy, even when married.

Mr.Kick

Its so much easier to just handle your own money and when rent is due just both pay half the rent or mortgage, and spend your money left over on what you want. I say have separate accounts just to simplify things and it can avoid arguments about why this or that was spent here or there. Don't worry its not like its going to affect you in any way.

kpopp

This is a matter of trust. My wife and I - we've been married for 40 years - have only one account. But before we put our earnings into this one account, we set aside 10% of our income and invest it. This can be an IRA or other tax protected investment. So you see, trust is an essential ingredient in any relationship.

The idea of three accounts strikes me as an effort of either one of you wanting to hang on to a monetary privacy that really does not exis

Fisher

I think it would be good if you both had access to all three accounts. But, marriage is a two way street. Both have to give a little. You have only been married 4 months- it might take more time to feel things out with each other.

My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We have always combined all the money into one joint checking and one joint savings account. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine. This has worked well for us. You have to remember that a marriage has to be built on 100% trust. I know that she will not spend on something unnecessary without consulting me first and vice versa. Of course we always do have to spend money on little things here and there- even unnecessary things from time to time- but the trust is there to know that neither of us will take advantage of the situation.

Klathorn

Makes sense to me. I am married. The wife and I have separate accounts. We did make a joint account which does not get used.

We are both employed and spend our own money. The line is I make significantly more than she does so i pay most of the bills. Works for us, I don't think I should have access to her money, or her mine w/o asking.

Rebekah05

I have been married for 2 1/2 years. My husband is in charge of our finances because I am horrible with money. He pays our bills and I pay for extras. We have a joint savings account, which I do look at the statements occassionally to see if he is tapping into it. We each have separate checking accounts which I used to think was weird but now I think is perfectly fine. I think it's good to have something that is your own even when you are married. You just have to trust each other. I think as long as you have 1 joint account that is still "coming together as one"

Hope this helps.

TryingFor#2

No, it's not weird, it's very normal and perfectly fine. I encourage it. My hubby and I have been married for 17 years and we tried at first to do a joint checking but he would forget to give me receipts and then he would forget if I told him I bought something and then checks would bounce. Then we each did separate checking but he's so busy that he had me balancing his book and keeping track of both of ours anyway. So if your hubby balances his own checking, God Bless him! Let him do it. Your system is smart! It's a great idea. Don't change a thing and leave this one alone, you don't need emergency access to his account. I think you're just wanting to keep tabs on him. Marriage is about TRUST.

sleepingliv

It's not weird at all. Many problems in a marriage stem from money issues. Keeping one account together and the other two seperate is a wise choice. I think it is important that you maintain some finances on your own that are yours alone to do with as you decide.

If one of you becomes incapacitated, being spouses would allow you access through power of attorney doc's.

â„¢ILikeShinyThings

I think its good that you two should have seperate accounts that the other cant have access to. Then one where you both contribute money. You two should have discussed this before you two got married. Couples should ALWAYS discuss finances before they get married among other things. You have to make sure you are both on the same page with everything.

lovepreschool

Personally, I believe in joint accounts. I do agree that when you are updating the checkbook, you lose a lot of the surprise element when you see the price on the gift and where it's from.

In case of injury or death, it makes sense for both of you to have access to the other's account. You don't want to have to wait for a death certificate to be able to get access to the rest of your money. Depending on the laws of your state, the money in these single accounts could become awards of the state if there is no will.

Now, yes, this is very weird. I'm on my single adult kids' accounts, but I never check on their accounts unless they have asked me to do so.

Joey R

If you truly did trust him then it would not be an issue. You should change it though. 60% for all bills, then 10% each into a separate joint savings account just for emergencies, and finally 30% into your own accounts.

S H O U Aâ™¥

i think it's a good idea what he's thinking.. one joint and one each of your own... he's confident and trusting you that you will be wise in your spending and him in his.. this shows that he respects you to want you to have YOUR OWN... it's nothing to make a big deal out of.. that way when he's out of money he can't come running to your acct and take out more money then what he spent already vice versa..and this will show how responsible you guys are in managing your own accts but having all the bills paid for already with the joint acct...
have a little faith and see how it goes..if you find it not to be working out then rethink the situation... but at least respect him enough to give it a try =)

ablex

That's the whole point of having your own accounts. You have access to your account and the joint account; he has access to his account and the joint account. Otherwise, you could just have the joint account and be done with it.
Personally, I think his system is the way to go. That's the way I did it when I was married - we calculated the household bills and each contributed half of what was neccessary for our joint expenses, and we each had individual accounts for our own expenses (personal credit cards and such).

PATSY E

Apparently you two didn't have the money talk before you married which is very common. Nonetheless, now that you've had the money talk and negotiated the percentages, the trust question is on the table. How romantic. Either you need to have the marriage annulled or you need to happily abide by the agreement. Maybe you do have a reason to doubt his secret expenditures or maybe he's telling the truth. This is your husband and the good book says The two shall become one. It depends how much one you wish to be.

Davion2308

You should have discussed this prior to getting married. Money is a huge issue and will lead to many problems unless you get everything out in the open.

My wife and I have one checking account, one credit card apiece, and one savings account. She pays my bills, so she can snoop if she wanted, but I've never bought anything that would cause concern. We figured if we had our own accounts, that means we're not going 100% into the marriage.

RUBY

WE HAVE A JOINT ACCNT WHERE WE PAY THE HOUSEHOLD BILLS. WE ONLY PUT IN ENUF TO MAINTAIN THE HOUSE EACH MONTH. CERTAINLY NOT 60% OF OUR INCOMES!!!!!!!! WHAT WE DO WITH THE "EXTRA MONEY" IS NOT EACH OTHER'S BUSINESS-- IN OUR MARRIAGE. I TRULEY BELIEVE A WOMAN NEEDS "RUN MONEY"-- JUST IN CASE... AND I AM IN A SECURE, LOVING MARRIAGE.

Lupita's Cleaning

Its common. Have your checking account for you two to have access to, and your personal account each one has their individual access to it.

pixidoas243w

whatever you do, have it in writing, signed and notarized. so in case of any bad future events everyones covered and theres no my word vs your word thing

hello

i dont think its strange at all.. especially if u say u rly trust him... theres no reason to think its strange. i dont know if my husband and I will ever have a joint account. im still in school though so well see when im actually making good money lol.. he has a good job so i dont c why he would want to join accounts..not fair lol but anywayss i think wut ur husband wants is perfectly normal. i wouldnt wan tmy husband to know how much i paid on a gift for him or wut if i wantd to surprise him with an expensive like trip or something and i bought it like 3 months in advance.. i wouldnt want him to know about it.. so yea

Mother of 3 Boys!!!

Oh it's fine I was the same way until we had kids and found out through the wills and probate court that if one of us die that money in the account will automatically go to probate and the courts take half.

So I gave in and we put our names on the others personal accounts, just for the security of death taxes not taking our money, but he promised not to look at my account statements, and I love him and trust that he leaves it alone.

But I just wanted to hang on to something that was my own still that is all, selfish yes but I wanted something private so he wouldn't see what I spend on gifts, on my nails (which I don't get done anymore) it was my money to go to a bar or casino or whatever.

Anne

I got married this year--we decided to only have common accounts. We did keep separate credit cards so I have no access to his to see how much he is spending or what he's spending it on. If I wanted to, I could look at our checking account and see how much the credit card payment was that month but I've never felt the need. That way we both have a little independence but still pool all of our money in the same account.

Good luck! Money is so hard in marriage, especially getting used to having to share it and not make all the decisions. I would agree the checking accounts should be joint accounts at least legally--its fine if he doesn't want to give you a checkbook or ATM card but your name should be on it just in case.

Bob B

idk

Æ¸ÌµÌ¡ÓœÌµÌ¨Ì„Æ· Lillie TTC # 1 Æ¸ÌµÌ¡ÓœÌµÌ¨Ì„Æ·

Honestly I would be a little upset over this as well, He probably has good intentions of just hiding how much he spends on presents but it always comes across women's mind on what he really wants to hide. I also think this is the whole point of separate checking accounts is to have your own money. He probably just wants something of his own and means no harm by it.

Brittany B

no if i was you i would thro a fit that maybe his intentions now to just keep christmas presant a secret but later it could turn in to credit cards you dont know about, if i was you i would explain to him that it is important you have all three,what if theres a big emergency, god forbid but i would make sure he knows when you got married its important that nothing is kept personal.

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