Married and unsure what to do.?

Bozema

I'd ask why she wants to go on her own but not necessarily worry if everything else in your relationship is OK. She might just want some alone time with her family. I take off to visit family on my own - my sister and I like time together on our own - and so does my husband. Mine is off on a weekend trip with one of his friends this weekend. It's not a bad thing. It's about trust.

kelly e

Did she say why she doesn't want you to come? I'd ask her and say it would upset her to be away from the two of them.

When we had our son I was a little wigged out by it all and needed a break - so I'd go home too -
I'd tell her you'd be upset to let her go without you and perhaps she'd fess up to what and why she wants to go - perhaps she just assumes you can't take time off work.

heart o' gold

If she wants some time with her family without you present, let her have it. Adjusting to marraige is hard enough. Throw in a new baby, probably a new home too and you've got a lot of changes really fast.

A man who won't let a woman do things on her own can be a sign of great insecurity, also a preindicator of future violent behavior. You will likely disagree with either of those applying to you. So let her go - your relationship will likely be better for the break - you'll have time to miss each other.

Best wishes.

crazylegs

There is nothing wrong with your wife and son getting away on their own to visit with her family. She may be feeling a bit stressed and just need some down time. If however she had wanted you to take time off to spend some time with them she would have asked you to do so. But it sounds like she needs some down time with her clan so please allow her this time. Who knows she may return all rejuvinated and with a new outlook on many things. And you may actually enjoy being along for a week also so you can do some things that you haven't been able to the past couple of years. Certainly you'll miss them both and they you, but trust that she is comfortable being independent and you should be also. Best of luck.

Tiggerfrk

Let her go visit her family. Time apart from each other is a good thing, and if she was doing something shady I hope she wouldn't bring your son. Just tell her how much you'll miss her and if she has never given you a reason not to trust her, don't start now.

mp3

i would find out why she dosen't want you to go...sounds shady

ohhhdear

First, you need to find out why she believes you should not accompany her. Find a time when she's calm, not hungry, and your son's asleep so you can talk undisturbed. Gently ask her about her reasons.
If there are money issues in your family, perhaps she feels it would be better for you to not have lost wages. Are there any difficulties with you and your in-laws? It could be she feels the need to just have a bit of time away with her family (nothing wrong with this) and you wouldn't be as interested as she would be in just getting away. If her family hasn't seen your baby in a while, they will love having him to enjoy for a week.
From experience (I have four sons) it is very difficult caring for a little child. Having family around to help with him, even for a week, will refresh her and make her happy.
You may want to evaluate your feelings... are you jealous, or feeling mistrustful of her or her past relationships before you married her? Remember that marriage survives on trust and love as well as the committment you made to each other.

If you can't take a whole week off work, then send her to her family for the week and join her for the last few days of it and come home together. Compromise :)

organbuilder272

Are yu so posessive that your wife cannot visit her family? Are you so unsure of the quality of your marriage that you don't trust her to come back?

Why don't you have a chat and find out why she does not want you to go. You should not force the issue either.

It sounds like you are not telling the entire story here. She wants to visit family - that is natural. Take the boy - she is the mother and should be caring for the kid while you are at work. That is also natural.

She does not want you to go. Why not. Is there friction between you and her parents. Is there worry about loss of income from your vacation? there must be some reasonable concern. But it is HER family and not yours.

I have the feeling that there is more than you are telling. But this is the advice based on your presentation.

Jill C

I dont' see a problem with her going to visit family without you. My kids and I visit family often without my husband, simply because he's in the military and spends a lot of time away from home or can't get off of work. It isn't that I don't want him to come with us, it is simply because if I waited for his schedule to clear up, I'd never see my family.

But I would question the reason why she doesn't want you to go. The reason will answer a lot of questions.

Either way, you can't prevent her from leaving, and you shouldn't. But you should definitely talk to her.

George

Your question is not a hard one. If your wife says that she want to visit her family with your son alone, let her do as she wishes.

She may regret her choice to have gone alone and then many of your future visits to her family will be taken... (as a family!)

heidi

She needs some time away. You should let her go.. You'll be doing a good thing. She'll miss you terribly.

Madison

I think the main question is why she doesn't want you going to visit her family with her. Have there been any other problems lately? She may feel the need to have some alone time and that is why she is going to visit her family. I would let her take the son with her since her family probably doesn't see him too often and that way he doesn't have to be in daycare all day while you are at work. Have you asked her why she doesn't want you going? Try telling her you'd love to go and can take three or four days off work.

MZOrr

Let her go on her own at for a few days then see if she would be accepting of you meeting her up there on the weekend or for a part of the trip. Or maybe you can talk her into going to see her family for a bit then take the rest of the time as a family vacation at an alternate place without family. It is possible that she just wants some time away, she may be feeling overwhelmed and doesn't know how to express it, so she wants to go home where she is used to being taken care of, not that you aren't fulfilling that need its just a different type.

needlewings

There's nothing wrong with her wanting to go see your parents with just the kid. But if you feel that you would like to go as a family, then discuss it with her.

tickerspam

Talk to her about it, sit her down and tell her that you all are a family now and you do things together. You are ONE now and that if there is a problem with you going somewhere with them then she should not be going there either. Married couples are suppose to take up for each other. If there is somthing wrong in the marriage and she is trying to get away from you for some fresh air tell her that she can't run away from whatever the issue is. You guys are married you need to work everything out TOGETHER!

BeautifulOne

Prayer changes things. It definitely seems suspicious but the thing is, you can't change people! You can't even demand for her to stay home and not take your son to see your in-laws. Sounds like you need to communicate with your wife and openly ask what is going on instead of talking to "us" (yahoo! answers) about it. If there is trouble in paradise, take some time to figure out how things can be made better. Believe me, when two people are apart they really start to realize how they could have done things better but if they are apart too often, it becomes burdensome. This may be a nice break that you can use to your advantage. Just make sure that you guys are talking about everything and stay in unity together. Marriage is unity, you two are now one.

Maybe you guys need a vacation to re-ignite your "loving feeling" or maybe you two should speak with a marriage counselor. Good luck, it will work out.

xyz

yap...why not find out the reasons. maybe she just wanna spend time with her family alone to talk. so find out and if the reasons are acceptable to you, let her go. if not, discuss it and insist you would love to go also!

lourdes r

first, you have to ask your wife the reason why she does not like you to go with them to your in-laws' place. from there, you can both compromise on the next step to take.

charmed4life64

do her parents know you two are married ?? i would ask her why . maybe she just wants time alone .. when u ask her dont be mean about it just ask her nicely and if she wont tell you or does tekll you why try to comprmise with her , if that dont work , then just let her go , she'll be back .

sarell

No problem She may need a break from it all not you. Let her go so long as she comes back and tell her you will miss her and would she like you to phone her. Tell her that youwill pick her up when the week is over.

Zoletta

It's important to know WHY she doesn't want you to come along. There must be a reason. Maybe she feels you don't get along with her family and that might create tension, or maybe she feels she can't 'be herself' with them when you're around, or perhaps she just needs some time away to relax without being in a 'wife mode' (not to imply she would cheat, just to say that being in 'wife mode' is very different than just being herself.) DO NOT force yourself along. That would be the worst thing you could do, it will make her uncomfortable and she will resent you for ruining her time away. Even women who love their husbands very much need to have a few days here and there where they are allowed to reconnect with their roots and rediscover who they are. It may also be that she just simply wants to spend more time with her family than your days off will allow. As a compromise, can you go with her for the first couple of days and then leave without her and go back to work, allowing her to spend more time with her family?

Bryan M

I think you need to confront your wife and tell her that it's not right for her to be able to take your son with her, but you not to go. Because you are your son's father.

Also it sounds fishy why she would do that.

Take some time off work and convince her that you should all go. It would be a nice time for the family.

I think she doesn't want you to go either because she doesn't want you to miss work, or she may have other reasons. Not sure.

dollbaby2407

Try asking her if there is a reason she want's it to be just her and the baby. Let her know that it hurt's your feeling's that she does not want you to go .. And let her know your willing to take time off of work to go and see her family... Thats what I would do..

Carmy ^

Why doesen't she want you there?..maybe she is an independent woman and she just want to be free for a week....I think you should let her go but ask her why without you....

YUMMY1

Take the hint, she is trying to get a break from you. Let her go and when she gets back she will have missed you and be excited to see you. Stop being insecure.

Fo Sho!

Well if you can get paid time off, I'd say go with them. Take the vacation days, and explain to her you aren't losing money, and you'd really lke to go with her and your son.

(I know you didn't mention money, but for most married cpls that a big issue....Its just an idea to reassure her.) :)

â™ªMsz. Nenaâ™«

Why doesn't she want to go? Is it because of money or something else? (You should elaborate on that one).
But anyway, if she's visiting family, seeing that you're her husband, you should be apart of this trip!
I'd discuss this with her, find out why she doesn't want you to go, if it's not a reasonable explanation.. then you definitely should go also.

randi_jenik

Why doesn't she want you to go? That sounds kinda weird. If it's money issues, then I don't think she should be going either. Or maybe she just needs time by her self. I think if she doesn't let you go, she shouldn't be going either.

billf59

let her go

markar

Hello,, is the issue about how much time to be spent with them? Perhaps this week of being with her parents is just that and you want to be the enforcer of what she can and cannot do. I suggest that since you suggested changing the venue of the time ,you just stay at home and get caught up on your honey do list. That will allow her some time to think and enjoy her family without the pestering of you. I know where you're coming from ,so to say, I was married and had to be in control of everything. That did change after the squabble over trivial things like this. After you get done with lawyers, child support issues and alimony, you have a sudden change of heart towards the attitude you express.

a lady capricorn

maybe she wants her alone time with her family. but you guys are married so i would get a little mad too. ask her why first of all, but if she doesnt want you to go, just keep in mind that it may be uncomfortable for you. i would probably end up letting her go on her own.

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