Me and my husband argue but marrage counseling doesnt work for us. Any ides?

Lisa G

You have to use the five second rule!

You must pause for five seconds before speaking.

This gives you time to think before you speak, and
allows you to think of a nicer way to get your point across.

Another great tool is to discuss what is bothering either of
you without making it an attack on them.

eg. I wish that you would ___________.
Instead of "you always _____________.

It hurts my feelings when you _________.
Instead of "It is all your fault you stupid _______".

Name calling and degrading eachother should never
be permitted.

Instead of responding defensively...you should both
respond with an affirmation. This way the other knows
that you were listening by acknowleding what happened,
and how they will try to change.

eg. I do not like it when you refuse to take your plate
to the sink.

You get upset when I do not take my plate to the sink,
so I will do my best to start cleaning up after myself.

Best wishes

ouragon

Marriage counseling DOES work, but you have to want things to get better and be willing to try new things. If the two of you won't even admit when you're wrong, how do you expect to make any progress in counseling?

Lucia

If you are young, or even if you are not - and if you have tried everything possible to make it work, cut your losses and get on with your lives separately. The children can't be the reason you stay together - it isn't fair to them. They would much rather have two parents living apart and happy than two parents living together and miserable. Good communication is so important to being happy together. You only get one chance at life - make it what you need it to be. A new house is nice too, but it can't fulfill anything inside of you - it is just material.

â™¥The Mrs.â™¥

Just shut your mouths. You know you are different, you know you have different ideas....so why argue about them? 95% of issues are issues you can let go (Willow issues), for the other 5% (Oak issues), you both need to learn how to compromise, fight fair, and put your relationship (and more importantly your children) before your selfish pride.

Poppy

Seems you are headed for divorce whether you do it now or you do it later. Sorry

Dominique

Hi there. It sounds like this is a difficult situation for you both. It is possible for two different people to live together in harmony but it takes some compromising. Firstly, it may be useful for the both of you to write down a list of what you like/appreciate about each other and exchange those lists. Try to remember what brought you together in the first place. If you feel you can be open as well about what drives you up the wall, do these lists as well. It sounds like a good dose of honesty will not hinder your relationship if it is already on the brink. See if you can find common grounds where you complement each other rather than where you collide. Easier said than done I know! I am not sure if your arguments have themes, e.g. are they around the same topic each time? This could be an indication of what may be missing in what he does/doesn't do and vice versa. See if perhaps you can write down what you would like him to keep doing/change/stop doing and he does the same for you. When you have children it is difficult to find time as a couple and communicate, as the stresses of life take over as well as the day to day worries. Making time, even if only 10-15 minutes per day, can make a difference. Once you have shared all of this, you will get a better idea of whether you are meant to stay together or you are too different to work as a couple. It sounds like you really want to explore every avenue before parting so give it a go and se what happens! Good luck to both of you.

Douglas B

What you two should admit to is that this marriage was wrong, and it is going to give your kids a bad environment to grow up in and end up giving them problems of their own. Love is about compromise and you would easily gravitate towards it if it was love. Lust is about what I can get out of this and it seems that is where you two are at, you never made it to the love stage. It comes from the same place just different results.

Adivser

MY MY!!! how did you two manage to have children,? life is for living and to enjoy what you can when ever you can, not to spend 95% of it falling out, i bet you fall out over stilly things, why dont you try making love, and when you have done that try talking to each other about what you like and how you like it !!! get what i mean, if you can't talk about that then please one of you must move out, think of what all this is doing to your kids, and yourselfs ??? i can give you loads of advice but at the end of the day it's what you all as a family want ? good luck, if i can help any more ask me

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