Me & my gf are supposed to getting married soon but we are having probs. what should i do ?

la buena bruja

Honestly, I don't know why you put up with such poor treatment. She doesn't talk to you, her children hit you and say that you're not part of the family, she wastes money, and gives cash to her ex. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Run while you still can!

Jacob W

If what you say is true, there is no basis for marriage. You should not need anyone else to tell you that.

.

Twizzle

jack jack jack... whey do you keep posting the same questions? Are you just HOPING for one person to give you the answer you really want to hear?

I think you even KNOW what you really should be doing but you love her and are hoping maybe that marriage will make everything better. it won't. unless these problems are solved first, they will just continue and then turn into even more problems.

why don't you both go to pre-marital counseling? then you can maybe see if you can work some of these issues out.

bonbontaj007

hmmm, it seems 2 me if she doesn't wanna talk bout da problems then y'all shouldn't even b gettin married cuz there has 2 b communication! her behavior towards her ex seems downright fishy... plus she's allowing her kids 2 disrespect u that's a no-no! she should definitely put her kids 1st but if ur da the man that's providing 4 them then they should show respect & appreciation 4 u but how can they when it seems she doesn't? they damn sure shouldn't b hittin u though the 2 yr old it's probably an accident but the 7 yr old knows better plus she should b tellin them not 2 hit u! if u guys can talk about this then try ur best 2 work it out but if not well there's other fish in the sea! good luck

Rudy DelRojo

Take marriage off the table. Problems don't get better once you get married - instead, they get made permanent. Communication problems are a big red flag.

Having a relationship where there are children from another relationship is extremely difficult, for both men and women. Unfortunately, some single mothers feel a great deal of pressure not to be alone, and sometimes they will find guys to provide for them.

If it's something you really want, commit to solving the problems. If you have doubts - make sure you understand why. If you feel backed into a corner, you really need to hit the brakes.

zombiehive

Beware. You are very fortunate to have this come up now as opposed to after getting married. If I were you, I would end the whole thing without any regrets. I don't mean to be cold about it, but it doesn't sound like this is going to be a positive thing in your life...in fact, it looks like you are headed for a train wreck.

Barbara

This does not sound like a good bet for a happy marriage for you.

Do you feel that you really love her, or are you just staying with her out of habit or a kind of guilt you might feel about leaving her?

If she's not willing to discuss these very serious issues with you, I guess there's not much of a chance that she'd consider going for couples or family counseling with you, either. Without this, I'd say the prospect for a success in this marriage is not good. I hope you can find a way to extricate yourself from a very difficult situation here.

Good luck to you.

Travis M

Dude, I gotta say it looks grim for u if u marry into that.

U need to get away for a bit and do some massive serious thinkin man.

To me tho it sounds like they (all of em) are usin u to the max. If it was me, I'd be gone warpspeed man.

Schwinn

Leave.

Midway 56

LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't need this in your life. You deserve way better than the situation you are in. If you stay you will regret it and you will eventually leave anyway. Don't waste any good years of your life on this "relationship". Move on, you will be so thankful that you did later in your life. The "right" woman for you is out there, maybe just around the corner. Go and find her.

the need to know

time to move on bud, I think you should move out, Tell her that your marriage is delayed for a wile until you work this out. She should be telling you stuff about money and her ex. thats not fair.

John H

Why would you want to marry this broad?

Katie

Dont walk away, RUN.

American Beauty

Do not--repeat--DO NOT marry this woman. You will be making a huge mistake! You are indeed being taken advantage of and the problem can only get worse. Don't do this to yourself. No matter what anybody else says, be wise enough to get out of this relationship. You'll be saving yourself a life full of misery!

goldwing

This is a no brainer...does the word, "Bye" come to mind? What the hell is wrong with you that you would take this kind of abuse? If you have any extra money, go out and buy a spine, try it on for size, and wear it. This woman is not only not for you, she ain't for anyone. You could be arrested for Statutory rape with this childish person. Find yourself a real woman with like goals ... there is a world of them out there. I have no idea what is going on in your mind, but in mine, I think you are somewhat foolish. Be my guest to a life of misery, or cut yourself loose and find a life. Good luck and peace.

darjar1

She sound extremely immature . But you sound like you have your head on straight but in love,which messes with even the most level headed person. I would say even tho you may love her this relationship won't last.You need someone who is more mature . Too many games left in this one. Sorry :(

violet1656

Tell her about the issues you have and if she doesn't respond or acts as if she doesn't care you should leave. Your not in the relationship to get treated like crap right?

miesh

She's hiding something. If you care slow it down. Tell her you are and why. see what she does. Because she might be rushing you so she can keep you on a leash and be financially obligated to her or if she doesn't care like you said then she won't even think about it. Which either option isn't good. If shes not sticking up for you to her kids then thats also a sign. and giving her ex money, she may still have ties with her ex that should have long been broken. Communication is a big factor for any relationship married or not and i think you've already answered your question.

zajucomom

You yourself said she didn't care. Quit wasting your time with her, Find someone who cares.

Billie

Don't get married, THis relationship is doomed. Sorry. You just needed to hear it from me.

Nikki

You can always start by trying to work it out. Tell her what you have written here and explain because of this you are starting to have doubts. See what she says, see if she steps up. If she doesn't then you need to seriously consider if you can live this way for the rest of your life. Usually when you feel your being taken advantage of you are.

Scott

My advise would be not to go through with it. If she doesn't want to communicate like an adult and you feel taken advantage of, you are not starting out your lives together in a good frame of mind. I have friends that have either gotten divorced or are getting divorced who have been in similar situations to yours. Save yourself some trouble down the road and call it off now.

HeHe its ME!

Re-consider maybe think take it slow maybe reschedule

T.J.

Just my opinion, but I personally think life is to short. If she doesn't want to be honest with you or talk to you like a grown woman should I'd leave her. I'm 32 and went through some health problems myself and at first my fiance had a problem talking with me about certain things, so I told him how it was.
I said that after a few of these health problems I don't have time for someone to be selfish or irresponsible there are people out there and more caring than you. So just let me know what you want?

stewieg101591

i would get help. my brother married a girl with a kid already and at first they did like each other but now they do. Don't force the word dad on them. Be like i know i am not your father. Have them call you by your first name if it makes them feel better. They went to family thearpy and this made it easier.

angelique_clinton

Honestly wedding come with a lot of stress and it adds when there are children (step children) The children think of you as an intruder trying to replace ther dad. It doesn't help that she isn't making them behave. For that issue YOU BOTH need to sit down and explain -you let them know you are not trying to replace daddy, and that you love there mommy and you even love them. The mom needs to let them that they must listen to what you say because you are trying to help her out. she needs to let them know there will be consequences if they do not listen to you. And you need to let them know that hurts your feelings and makes you sad when they say mean things and do mean things.you even might remind them of a situation they were in that made there feelings get hurt.
as for the fiance, let her know how you are feelings and your concerns and that there is no marriage without communication and honesty. Remind her that if you guys get married the money is shared equally and there are no lies or hidding things. Let her know you are concerned about the money she loaned her ex, and let her know how you feel about the kids and your concerns with her. You BOTH need to sit down as a couple and make rules and consequences for the kids, as well as chores and rewards. Put there names on a board and let them know they have to EARN there play time (not ALL there play time but like computer if you have one, video games if you have one etc) for every good thing they do put a sticker up for every bad thing take one down. They are seeing that mommy and you are not communicating and they see a problem so what mommy does and show so will they especially the 2 year old. The 7 year old might be feeling left out. Try talking to the 7 year old ALONE, then once you earn his trust then it will be easier to earn the 2 year olds. the seven year old has PROBABLY seen guys in and out of mommy's life so he is thinking you are doing the same. Let him know what your plans are. Hope that helps.
Remember NO relationship is perfect, EVERYONE makes mistakes. It is just owning the mistakes and fixing it that is the hard part, noone likes to admit they are wrong. And if she isn't willing to change let her know it is not going to work and tell her you need time away from her to see if this is what we should do . Distance makes the heart grow founder and if it doesnt with her then she probably just wanted you there to help support her kids and be a male figure in there lives. LEAVE ONLY IF SHE ISN"T WILL TO CHANGE. BUT ALWAYS TRY TO SAVE WHAT YOU LOVE.

walker9842

Listen to an old timer, who has been through very drama you can think of.

RUNNNN GET OUTTTTTTTTTTT

Seriously, You don't deserve that, and if the kids are disrespecting you now, that marriage certificate won't make them any better.

If she allows her kids to disrespect anyone, let alone the soon to be dad of these kids, you need to get out.

If she sin your place boot her and baby's kids
If your in her place grab what you can and go, but do it the first chance you have to be alone, and only take what's yours. Because if you try to leave with her there, she'll call the cops, you'll go to jail, and they won't let you LEAVE WITH ANYTHING.

Pack like the house was on fire, take the most valuable out first and so on. So if you have to go your not leaving the best behind.

P.S. Don't take nothing that was hers before you both got together. And have no contact with her at all.

Jennifer S

Don't you dare get married with all this crap going on! You'll be divorced in 2 years, guaruntee'd.....
If you want to marry this woman--y'all better get yourselves into counseling ASAP. And them kids too!

Kelly

Think about it, do you really want to put your self in the situation to have to go throughthis for the rest of your life?

Tutto Bene

At least your finding out about these issues now before a serious commitment. You need to sit down with her and put the skunk on the table, tell her exactly how it is and in some way tell her your going to give her a trial period, maybe 1-2 mths. If there is no change then walk away my friend because if you don't your problems will multiply

undone

LEAVE! RUN! IF she is acting like this now, it will get worse, MUCH WORSE after you are married. I guarantee she will run up debt that you will be responsible for ( legally ). She is a financial nightmare! She has NO control over her kids and WHY would you want to be the b*tc* in that house. She has no respect for you, otherwise she would not let her kids run all over you and lie to you with regards to her ex. GEEZ MAN RUNNNN!!!!

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