Mommy hates you, daddy?

natalia

teach your kid to ignore mommy when mommy is upset, tell him that she didn't mean those words she said whenever she gets upset. teach him that some people can't control their mouth nicely when they are upset and advice not to do so, but be thoughtful in everything that he will say or do, because you and him dont want to hurt other people's feelings

NSangel

that is very bad on your x's part. she should be made to understand that she is harming the kid by using him as a pawn this way.

it is not very responsible for her to air out her grievances in front of him either. she needs councelling. she also sounds like whenever she dint' get her own way, she badmouthed you. very immature and irresponsible.

i hope she grows up soon, for your son's sake.

jess

tell your son that that is ok for her to hate you and that it doesnt change the fact that you love him very much and then say my love for you is more important than what mummy thinks of me

beez

Sorry to hear this, but it happens a lot. Maybe you can tell your son Mommy says things she doesn't mean.

â€ God Bless You â€

she is jelous of you, she is controlling, get custody of the child, she is unfit.

Sunshinz

sounds like you may need to stop dealing with her...perhaps have a mutual person to pick up your son up. that way you won't have to deal with her.
make sure you document everything she does. and when time comes...if you decide you want to take custody everything is there. She probably thinks she's getting one over you but the only truth to it..she's hurting the child. sounds like she needs to grow up...and stop making negative comments about you to the child.

most important..she does it because you allow her to. a person can only do what you allow them to.. ignore her!

There's only one way to deal with a person like that. have someone meet her and you to pickup/drop off your son. If she doesn't want to do that..have the courts deal with her!

Xanadu

You ex-wife sounds like she's abusing your son. It's really not that hard to be a single parent. Why don't you sue for custody of your child and make HER pay support? You would win. Yes, custody battles are horrible, but they end a lot quicker than another 14 years of your wife abusing your child through his ears. She fails to understand that your child identifies with you as "yours" and thus he is "you". It's a type of deprication that will lead your child into poor self-esteem- which shouldn't be on her list of attributes she would like her son to have.

Raquel

Well she should not back talk about you to your son. Just explain to your son that mommy doesn't really mean those things that she is just angry. It's very bad for his self image to think his parents hate each other; he will internalize that into himself and think its all his fault. If your ex wife has any brains at all, explain this simple concept to her and hopefully she will get it through her thick scull. Good luck.

mamamoon

I'm sorry that is horrible for her to do. Keep telling and showing your son how much you love and support him. Never even if you feel like it sink to her level and say bad things about her to him. Your actions will count much more to your son then her words. One day this will back fire on her and leave him resenting her for saying such things.
Just be a good Dad and he will see you both for what you are.

sarlha

The first step you need to take is to begin logging everything. Every word. Keep copies of her recorded messages with a date and time stamp. And don't be biased. It looks better if you are honest in the part you play.

You need to talk to a lawyer about it and find out what you can do to force her into anger management classes, parenting classes, and counseling. Your right about the verbal abuse. That is exactly what she's doing. Not just to you, but to your son as well.

You may also consider contacting Social Services and talking to them about your concerns with the abuse. But, again, you are going to need documentation and witnesses to help prove that you are concerned about the care she is providing and the impact her behavior is having.

Don't give into her tirades. Be a good role model for your son. Tell her you will not put up with her behavior and walk away from her. Don't let her bait you into a fight. She is the one that will walk away looking bad.

TikTock

Thats rough, you can say that sometimes, mommy says things that she does not mean

Royalhinney

The only way to counter your child being told that you are a bad parent is to be a good parent. Never bad mouth his mom to him, never show your anger about her. He will remember these moments when he's old enough to make his own decisions about the situation.

lele

your ex-wife should not be talking bad about you to our son...this is teaching him that it is okay to hate people and im sure it does to hurt him to hear mommy saying bad things about his daddy...talk to the ex about it and tell her that if she has something to say, say it to you or dont say anything at all and to STOP talking about you to your son...hope all works out for you!

Kyle

Document those things and get her for parental alienation. Women can lose their kids over this sort of behavior. It sounds like you very much ought to be having full custody.

sylviasombrafree

First of all don't divorce because your child might have a bad life. 2-Go to a counceling place with your wife and leave your son with a baby-sitter. See what the councelor can do if it doesn't work out the go seperate for a while and if that doesn't work then divorce but your child will have a bad life. sort of.

letterstoheather

I had an ex husband like that, and he really confused our child....

I was affected, felt angry and the whole nine yards...

If my son came up with stuff like "daddy hates you" i would just say oh... or how do you feel about that? I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but i didn't act as stupid as my ex husband acted... i just let it go, but made sure i cared about my SON'S feelings... it hurts kids when the other parent says mean things, that's for sure.

kids seem to be the victims in divorces, don't you think?

your ex needed to find a babysitter instead of acting like a fool... she has emotional issues -- very immature young lady, if i do say so myself!

gather your dignity, act like a gentleman and take care of YOU.. that's your best bet...!

wedgy_13

Ok, i have never been in your situation, but you are most certainly not a bad daddy. In fact, you seem to be a rather good one, and sane at that. Because your son is getting to the stage where he can understand things better, you must sit him down and tell him that mommy is only saying those things because she is angry with daddy, but that of what she says is not true. Don't let it get to you, because your son will definately know whether you are 'bad' or not, by the way you are with him :D

Lunaeclipz

Console your son by telling him that sometimes Mommy says things she shouldn't when she is mad-and have a conversation with your ex about the impact of her behavior on the child-hopefully she will listen-but she'll probably just be inappropriate as usual-good luck

yaktur

Gee, with an ex like that, don't you just wish a UFO came along and vacuumed her up and away!

Maybe you should be documenting this and if she takes you to court, counter her claims with her abusive nature and back your word up with proof.

She sounds psycho.

â™¥

You sound just like my ex...

marriage/relationship is over, automatically you're the perfect daddy and mommy is crazy. Can you honestly sit there and say that you've NEVER, NOT ONCE, said something bad about her?!?!?! I understand the importance of not saying things in front of the child (my daughter with the ex will be 4 next month), but NOBODY IS PERFECT. For all you know mommy could have been in the next room on the phone venting and your son heard her. I highly doubt she was talking to your son directly and pumping his head full of "hate your daddy" bs.

If she was, then you have issues... but can you prove that? What comes out of a childs mouth can't be taken as proof... they are aware of the situation and will use it to their advantage. Also, you say her reactions are common... and Im sure you had NOTHING to do with instigating them or encouraging them when you were together? Or even now for that matter? Ex's know what makes the other tick... and even years later one sentence can set the other off.

Honestly, I think you just need to chill out and stop trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. As long as your son knows he is loved by BOTH parents, and knows that mommy & daddy love HIM very much, but dont necessarily like each other, then all is well.

Kuroy Kumo

Take her to court, get evidence as well, and if you prove the psychological abuse she is inflicting onto your poor son, then you can take full custody from her if you want, so he won't have to endure that again. My mother made me hate my father all my childhood, when I didn't even know him, and now I hate her and not him. It will turn out that way if this carries on. One of my brothers still hates my father and is very adament about it. Would you prefer your son to turn out like my brother and refuse to see you, even at your deathbed? Fight for him like I would've like my father to have fought for me and prove to your son that you are the best father he could ever have!!!

atheleticman_fan

Sit down and document as many of these tirads as you can. She sounds very unstable and you need to have documentation.That is the beginning stages for PAS parent alienation syndrome: where one parent "bad-mouths" the other to the child and the child is forced to favor one parent. Then look for a Father's Rights web site for your state. You can learn a lot from those sites. I would suggest you start reading about your states laws.
This woman is dangerous and hysterical women always are. Other things which you need to either change in writing depending on you divorce aggreement, is pick up and drop off. You need to protect yourself by NOT being a) in her home B) alone when making the pick up /drop off. Even if it means driving extra miles to meet in a public place because she may accuse you of pushing her or call the police and you will be arrested even if she initiates violence.
There is no justice in the judicial system but the party who is the most prepared has a better chance. Good luck and let us know how it is going. Remember you son has the right to have a loving relationship with his DAD!!! Be strong and never give up the fight!

Wildflower

First, I am sorry that happened... your child is too precious to have to hear things like that...

I would have started by listening to him.. asking him, "well, how did you feel about what mommy said?" and leading him to talk about it... I then would have said that sometimes when people are angry they say things they shouldn't say - things that are sometimes hurtful and for him to remember how he felt when he heard mommy say those things, because when people say hurtful things when they're angry the other person feels just like he did.

Then, I would try to talk to the ex and tell her about the conversation with your son, how even when she is very angry at you, it is very hurtful to him to hear things like that. She'll probably blow her stack but, at least you tried to talk to her about it.

Just keep loving him and don't talk bad about mom back... One day, he'll understand and will love you the more for not putting him in that position... because children know they are half dad and half mom... if one of you is "bad" then that makes him "bad" in his eyes...

Lulu

Its to bad for the boy that has to be tossed around like a toy with a phyco mother and a dad that complains about having him seven ot of eight.

the only victim here is the boy...bad parents that prefer to go out than spend time with there own child.

sad sad sad world

maverick

my mom used to say a lot of really mean things about my dad when i was growing up. the thing about that is that it back fires on her because i resented it. my dad is a part of who i am. i still love her and she said a lot of mean things to me too. actions speak louder than words. dont respond to it, just tell your kid the same thing. even if your kid starts to listen to the abusive mother, he'll come around.
maybe you could mention this abuse to a lawyer. ask them to interview your son.

m s

benifitis

Preggers Again!

I was never the Mommy in that situation, but I was the child. I know it seems terrible for your son to hear these things, and it is. Saying these things in front of your son is not only wrong, it's irresponsible of her. I would have a talk with her if she was more rational, but it doesn't sound like she will do anything but yell. I had to hear my Dad saying bad things to my Mom, and I hated it. He also said things about her when I was visiting him, and it hurt me. He would say she was a cow, she was a tramp, and sometimes even deny that HE was the reason they split, she cought him in bed with another woman. I was there when it happened, and at 8 years old I didn't quite understand.

I guess my point is, your son might not understand yet, but you didn't mention his age. If he's repeating these things, he's getting to an age where this may affect his opinion of you, or his mother. Be careful, and realize that saying this about her in his presence just brings you to her level. Don't do this, and you are the good person in the relationship.

As for actually doing something about it, save the messages she leaves you. Make sure to save them all, and if she ever tries to 'do' something about you not taking your son at the last minute, you have proof of just how nuts she is. Document the nights you have your son, and if you want, you could even have a case worker or lawyer get involved so you can do something about this, and your son isn't hurt or affected in the long wrong. The last thing you want is for him to think you are, as he said ... a Bad Daddy.

Hungry soul

She is just frustrated with her situation...

-See if you get witnesses for her reactions
-Retain all her hateful voice mails
-Save any evidence that you can get of her hatred, it will help to show to court if matters get out of hands

In the meanwhile YOU do the following:

-Be good to your son
-Dont even let what she says affect you
-Dont say bad things about her to your child
-Ask him not to defend you in front of her

Remember, what you need now is your SON and take care of him.. That is all

Ballerina Butterfly Queen

Dear One,

I can tell you this. Your ex is out of control and needs help. She sounds bi polar or emotionally unstable. I would do two things if I were in your shoes. I would begin the process for full custody of your son. Then I would do everything in my power, take whatever steps needed to see that she gets the help she needs. Now, on the flip side, if she only ever acts like this with you....well there are always 2 sides to every story and I'm only hearing your side...but if she explodes like this in everyday life, in everyday situations where she becomes displeased, angered or frustrated then she needs help and won't be able to help herself. I can say that she is harming your son terrible by not only letting him hear what she says to you, but repeats her hatred of you on him over and over....very damaging!

Good luck and God bless!!

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