Mother in law from hell?

bloodycorinne

NOTE: Iâ€™m going to refer to your hubby as â€œStanâ€.
You are under NO obligation to keep certain people in your life, family or not. There is no law stating you have to. At the end of the day, you have to take care of your #1 first -- YOU. It's called self-preservation, my dear.
With all due respect, your mother-in-law IS acting like mean-spirited, selfish, evil *****. She is jealous because she feels that you have replaced her as the #1 woman in Stanâ€™s life. (Newsflash for your mom-in-law: You are Stanâ€™s wife. You are supposed to be his #1. Moving on...). Her feelings towards you are not personal, per se. She would act this way towards whomever your husband married (hence the reason she has hated you from day one. She didnâ€™t even know you and she already hated you because she doesnâ€™t like your relationship with â€œher sonâ€ Stan, not you personally).
Itâ€™s unfortunate that so many mothers-in-law feel this way about their sonâ€™s wives. Maybe it has something to do with the motherâ€™s identity. Older generations of women were more likely to give up their own identities to become caregivers for their families: â€œJohnnyâ€™s Momâ€ or â€œMikeâ€™s wifeâ€. So in the event that they feel this key role theyâ€™ve played for the past 20+ years is no longer the center of their family membersâ€™ lives, they feel as if everything they know as normal, the very core of who they are, is being threatened. And whomever or whatever they blame for disrupting their peace, will become the target of their ire. In your mother-in-lawâ€™s case, itâ€™s you. In her eyes, by marrying her son Stan, YOU have undermined the very role that has defined her for half of her lifetime. You have stepped on her toes and have moved into her territory. And she is ready to fight you tooth and nail to make it very clear to you will never replace her. She will never let you forget that â€œYou may be the new ***** on the block right now, but you can never replace me because Iâ€™m his MOTHERâ€. (Completely ridiculous. What wives who want to be their husbandâ€™s mom instead, anyhow? Eww! Clearly an irrational fear).
Granted, this is an explanation for her actions and the way she may feel but there IS NO JUSTIFICATION. She owes you the respect of being the woman your husband has chosen for a wife.
Question for you: Where is your husband when these incidents occur? It is his job to stand up for you, HIS WIFE. Regardless of who is attacking you physically or verbally, your husband is supposed to defend you and your feelings. THIS SITUATION SHOULD HAVE NEVER GONE THIS FAR. Your husband should NEVER have allowed it. PERIOD.
You say that your hubby became involved when he jumped in the way of your mom-in-law attacking you. Sweetheart, your husband became involved the very first time his mother insulted you. Your husband should have dealt with it back then. If he had, it would have never gone this far.

It is HIS job to defend you against his family. YOU are the one he has chosen to have in his life. YOU ARE HIS OTHER HALF. NOT his mom, NOT his sisters, NOT his cousins. You are united as one through marriage. If they offend/insult/attack you, then they are doing the same to him. He needs to start acting like it.

...She may be trying to bait you into reacting to her attacks so she can have a reason to hate you. She may WANT you to fight back and call her names so she can say that you called her a *****" etc. Be very careful. These are grounds your husband should be treading, not you.

A bit of â€œTough Loveâ€: Stop being so sad!! You KNOW what you are entitled to (respect)!! You KNOW how they should be treating you!! You KNOW that what they are doing is WRONG!! Damnit, girl, get MAD!!
Use your backbone!! If your husbandâ€™s balls havenâ€™t dropped yet and he wonâ€™t step up to the plate to defend you, DEFEND YOURSELF (â€¦and then get on his case later for not â€œman-ing upâ€ to his responsibility). Donâ€™t take that sh*t from ANYONE, whether itâ€™s your mother-in-law or the Pope.
â€¦And donâ€™t ever let someone call you on YOUR phone, that YOU are paying the bills for, to curse YOU out. HELL NO.
From one woman to another: HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS. You know what you have to do. If that means cutting them off, then so be it. Their loss. Cut them off and donâ€™t look back.

â€¦Best of luck to you.

jelle

Accept it and let it go. Hopefully you have the kind of husband who will support you in spite of his evil mother.

Mrs HarleyBrat

obviously your mother in law has proven she can act like a 6 yr old in public (how fitting for an adult) If you MUSt be around her at all - ever - stay far away - but civil - ugh - or tell your husband to get her to behave like an adult .............. give her enough rope and she'll hang herself :) By that I mean not literally but everyone around you will see her horrible behavior and see for themselves how deranged she is .

until she can promise not trying to smack u on the phone again, stay away.
dont feel bad.

butterflygirl

I would just stay away from her. If your husband is fine with that then there is nothing wrong with cutting her out. She sounds monstrous.

free_angel

You need to learn how to rip *** too.

Charlotte

watch monster in law ahhahha

TeKe

Your husband needs to -manup-and stop this...let him talk to her and keep you out of it...you are his wife and he needs to let her know that she has to respect you.

I feel for you. Your Mother in Law is a ****** and needs mental health care. Your husband should do what husbands are supposed to do and put his Wife above all others as stated in your marriage vows. Sounds like Mummy Dearest is having separation anxiety. Too bad, so sad. The next time she threatens you with a phone, let her leave a mark and have her arrested for assault and battery.

~â™¥~Bella~â™¥~

Um....what's your question? She sounds like a horrible person. Are you just telling us or do you need advice? If you need advice, I would say stay away from that evil woman.

chiney cheeks

Well I think she hates you because she thinks you're out to take her place in her sons life and also because she may be mentally disturbed.

paul m

Sound's like she is jealous of you.
Steer clear of her in future.

pura_rosa

I suggest you move and move far! But really the problem here is not you or her it is him, he has to lay it on the line, and punish his mother (Maybe by not visiting her for quite some time) for her behaviour.

Aurora

Sounds like she has the upper hand in your family. How did she get to do that. I am a mother-in-law and while I get respect I would never interfere like this.
Can you not stay away from her? Tell your husband it is either you or her, make him choose.

EDIT.

Why not print all this, your question and all our answers and give it to her? Let her see what you and we all think of her. : - >

roland j

give her some sleepin pills and she'll shut up for a while

DEREK L

How long were you engaged?

Did you not get on with the MILFH before you married the man?

You've got yourself to blame, Girlie. You chose your man, and the family comes with it!

Sorry to say it, but don't look here for sympathy! Tough luck Sweetie.

Passionfruit

Stay away from all of them. Do not go to functions where any of those people who treat you badly will be there. Just stay out of their way.

Your husband saw what your mom did so he will understand. Dotn let anyone talk you into trying to mend the relationship with them, they dont want a relationship with you so why even put yourself in harm's way?

You cannot change her, you only have responsibility on how you act and what you say. you'll be a much happier person without people like them in your lives.

Steph

Lol, My mother-in-law just after 2 months of marriage made it very clear to me that no one will love her son more than her and she will always be his mother and no one can come between that. I replied "I don't want to be his mother, I am his lover!", she then carried on to abuse me, lol.

These kind of mother-in-laws should give this kind of attention to their own husbands or get a poodle or something.

Proud mum to Tyler and Riley.

if there's no reasoning with her, and your husband cant reason with her on your behalf, avoid her. It may be she's jealous of you for "stealing" her little boy away from her. Not everyone ever gets on with their mother in law, so dont feel bad. If you cant talk to her calmly to find out what her problem is, then leave it, and let the air settle. It's down to her to hold out the olive branch. But do try to get someone to intervene, if you cant yourself. Once all avenues have been exhausted to no avail, then your duty's done, and your conscience is clear. Leave the bitter woman to her misery. Because she will be once she's lost her son.

shortbreadtin

Sounds to me like you all love a bit of drama (you almost fainted coz she was shouting? get a grip) and therefore deserve each other.

If you want a stress-free life, lighten up and learn to laugh at people like her - after all, if she's that stressed out about it, she's the one that is suffering, why let it get to you?

michaelyoung_airforce

I had a mother-in-law from hell too. We had to call the police several times. She hated the fact that her daughter was growing up and didn't have to answer to her anymore. My wife and I were married adults and we stayed out to 2 a.m. one night and her mom wanted to kill me. She was WEIRD! I've since divorced, but my ex-wife can't even stand to be around her mom anymore. It's really sad.

Mary Contrary

The woman is toxic, and the daughters, who allow themselves to be manipulated so, will soon be just as toxic. Cutting yourselves off is the only thing to do. I don't think your husband wants to have them around either, and he is the one who will have to put up with the occasional phone call, because she IS his mother, after all. Be extra kind to him whenever that happens.

perrygreenwich

OMG--You've been talking to my MIL! I don't know what the correlation is between In-laws, especially Mother In Laws; I have a love-hate realtionship with mine; latley mostly hate. She is a person that is divorced and bitter and she wants everyone around her to be the same way. I get paranoid that she is always badmouthing me behind my back; slandering my reputation with my wife......

Ü§Ü¨ÜÜ˜Ü›Ü§Ü™Ü’Ü˜Ü˜

personally i wouldnt let it bother me, and if she gets shirty with you again, just remind her "mother in law" in an anagram of "woman hitler".. take it all with a pinch of salt, this will annoy them more as whatever they say seems to have no effect on you. remember, you married your husband, not his family. chin up!!!!.......

Â§mile---- it confuses people!!!

cowgirlclub

if he is willing to cut them out of his life as well then i wouldn't worry too much about it. it's sad that you have to go through that but what can you do with crazy people? try hard to put it behind you and just love the family that he has that still talks to you and likes you and enjoy them being around.

Cassius

Get preggers that shuts most mothers in law up.

littlelady2340

How about having your own mother treat you like that?
It was so unpleasant that l just stayed away.
It took me years to realize that l didn't deserve this treatment, that it was her deranged personality, that nothing l did caused it. My father always backed her.
My story turned out very sad because my parents, not my ex, turned my kids against me and now they are adults they are lost to me, they treat me like an imbecile, a dangerous witch they want nothing to do with.

l sense in your post a question, what am l doing to deserve this? What can l do to stop it? Nothing, and nothing.

You have to accept this is her problem not yours, if your husband visits them occasionally you can live with it, but l suggest you simply refuse to have anything to do with them. If they want your company they will know where to find you, but you need to make up up your mind that you will take absolutely no crap.

The bottom line is that you deserve exactly the same measure of respect as they do. Would you associate with anyone else treating you like that? Set your boundaries and stick to them. Your husband is either your ally or he is no husband.
All this is tough to do, but adulthood means being tough and marriage is for adults. If you accept being disrespected now, you never will be in your life. That's something no one, no woman, can afford because consequences are great.

Corinne B

I had one of them lol .What i did is just stay away from them after all he married you and you him not the family.and that what counts

msktty7

Well I would suggest get some backbone and get ready to fight or stay away from them. His mother is disrespecting you and shes jealous, and if its for no reason you have every right to tell her off. If it was me I wouldnt bite my tongue. Stand your ground if you want respect, but it sounds like that might cause a fight you dont seem like the fighting type so just stay away from them.

NadeemNawaz

Im really sorry. There are people like that and my family is full of them.

You can choose your friends and spouse but you cant choose your family and relatives

My advice is ignore her and avoid her because shes not going to change

HandyMan

Sounds like you need to keep away from that family, but quietly. In other words, don't stir up anything more than is already active.
It's good your husband is on your side, but be warned - don't force your husband in any way to go against his family, as this may have repercussions down the line.

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