Mother who does not want her adult age children to see their father because he cheated?

Kristiane-Cubical ninja

As sh*tty as it is that he cheated on her, she has no right to come into his relationship with his children. That is spiteful and childish, and it is unfair to their children.
That said, the children are grown adults and can tell her point blank "Mom, we love you, we are sorry that this happened, but it is between you and him and not us. We will no longer allow you to try and make us choose between you and there is no longer anything to discuss. If you bring it up we will change the subject. If you choose to miss out on things in our life because he is there than you are allowing spite to hurt your life, not him. That is like cutting off your nose to spite your face."
And then stick to it. If she mentions him be firm and say "No, not discussing this with you" then change the subject. Say it as many times as it takes before she stops bringing it up. If she doesn't want to go somewhere that her ex husband is invited to, that is sad but her choice.
Good luck, that is a crappy situation to be in.

bandaid_46

If the children are adults they should decide how to handle it in the way they are most comfortable with. She sounds like a very bitter, controlling woman.

Lela A

Adults make therir own personal decisions on how they should handle family situations..

shoes_717

Adult children have to make their own decisions. Your mother-in-law may be harboring some resentment. What's past is past. Their relationship is over and mother-in-law has to let go. Rules apply with underage children. These are adults you are speaking of. It is 2009 and blended families are the norm. Old resentments of this kind can split a family apart. And if little ones (grandchildren) are involved, it sets a poor example. If you've raised your children and treated them well, you should not put them in this awkward position and compete for their time.

Jas B

Your husbands mother is obviously still very bitter and angry, maybe with reason but she has no right to try to stop him seeing his father or his father's wife, this is being selfish and only considering her own feelings.

For her to include all of his family in this shows how deep this resentment is and how unreasonable she is being.

Your husband has a right to have a relationship with his father and his new wife if he wants to.

My mother acted much the same when she and my father divorced and I did not see my father or get to know his wife for many years. These are years that I could never get back and now they are both dead I deeply regret those lost years. In the end I decided that I had the right to know them and although my mother was unhappy about this she came to terms with it.

There will presumably come a time when you have your own children and they to should have the right to know their grandfather and the other members of his family. It is a difficult situation but hopefully time will make her less bitter and see that is unfair to her children to make such conditions.

shaytx32

that is something that the children have 2 decide on there on.no 1 can make up there mind who 2 not care about n love.

Swedish woman

Well first of all it is not you MILs right to tell her adult children not to see their father. She has no saying at all when it comes to the relationship between her ex and his children. And you have no obligation to tell her when or why you see your FIL.

But you on the other hand have to respect that she don't want to have anything to do with her ex-husband. So when ever there is a family reunion you have to decided if you are going to invite your MIL or FIL. Have relationships with both of them, but keep them separated.

That is my advice, that have worked for me. My parents divorced when I was 11 y.o because my father cheated on my mother. My mother have never tried to push me away from my father, but she has clearly stated since I became adult that she wants nothing to do with him. And I respect that, and therefor I never tell her when I speak to him or see him. He will not be invited to my wedding, I have explained why and he sees my point. I am not that close to him nor is he to me...

video production

She needs to let it go, they are adults and should still have a relationship with their father. After all it is their father, and she should encourage them to have a relationship with him. You can't let her dictate who you have in your life and who you don't.

Natalie

Sounds like she is using her kids to get back at him. I would tell her the following: "I know you will be upset with what I am about to tell you and I am sorry. However, he is part of my family and I need and want to have a relationship with him. I will be having him over for major occasions as well, so please try to be civilized when you see him. If you decide not to support my choice, I would feel like you are punishing me for his sins and that would be unfair to me."

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