My Husband Wants to have a...?

mamaerin@sbcglobal.net

You need to have an honest conversation with him about the concerns you have. Mention that having 2 kids is a lot of work and he doesn't have time to spend with the ones you already have. Let him know that you would feel really stressed adding a 3rd child and taking care of all of them by yourself. Let him know that you need to see that he can/will/and desires to participate in the family you already have before you are willing to have more children. You should also let him know that it hurts YOU that he isn't involved with your children. They are now very much a part of his life and he can be a positive influence or a negative one...and you need to see that he will step up and be the positive influence.

I've been here and it's hard. Having a child of his own may spur him on into being a more active part of the family, but he needs to know that his behavior is hurtful and makes you resentful of him.

Good luck.

superbad~honeydip

why is he your husband when he obviously doesnt accept your kids? Why would you marry a man like that, let alone have a kid with him?????????

itsmyopinionsothere

Kids are a two way street. He has not accepted yours as his so I would be wary of another child with him

grapeshenry

Imagine his behaviour if he got a child of his own. How would your children feel if he treated his own better than yours? This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

No responsibility, no kid.

Alice K

just be carefull, your own kids might feel a it left out

green goblin

no becuse he will only pay attention to his kid, and will put aside your kids.

solver

if its only up to you then i would advise not to have another.
Reasons:
1. he doesnt look enough responsible
2. he wont love the step children
3. it might create difficult situations for u: as ur current kids will feel neglected.

princess

maybe he needs to learn how to be a father. have you explained to him about how you feel? men generally are not born nurtures, show him what it means to be a father then see if he can do it and decide from there

ciberpunk1

Tell him of your concerns about him being a father. Personally, I would wait. If he is having issues around your children, who is to say that he would act differently if they were his own?

HBIC

Nope. Tell him how you feel, and if he can prove hes a good father then maybe. Until then..Nope.

Just_Me

i think u should talk to him and tell him what u said here...
maybe he will change w.ur kids.Just tell him how u feel.

shadowsthathunt

A good indication of how he will act with a child is how he acts with the ones you have. You had them when you got married... so they should be an important part of his life, if you dont see that, then another child may be a mistake. What does your heart tell you to do?

Stormrider

i would say no, why would you want to creat a child when your mind has such strong doughts about it.

teach

Only if you want to carry his child 9 months and raise it on your own. Maybe he'd be a better father to his own, but that wouldn't go over well with your other two kids...

Poppet

No. Just because some people can breed does not mean they should. Get on birth control, just in case he tries to pass one by with faulty condoms.

dymps

Actually this sounds tough; but I wouldn't suggest it because if he is a less than satisfactory step father, there is no way he will become all of a sudden a good father (in the manner of what you discussed above)

Let's say you have another child and he is ecstatic, if he starts to treat his own child better than the other children, how would it make you feel?

Hope this helps

Lovable â™¥â™¥â™¥

well maybe he will change when he has his own child. and also talk to him and let him know how you feel. Best wishes.

wish I were

Read what you asked! Now should you have another kid?????? You answered your own question in the second and third statement!!! Why are you even with this man??? Don't your kids deserve better???

SND123

I think you alredy have the answer. Depends on how many children you can handle at one time. If he's not helping with the two you brought to the table, I doubt he'll help with any others, he might just see it as the woman's job to take care of the children.

all unknowing

if he's not a good stepfather now, if you do have a child with him, he'll give it ALL his attention, he'll end up just treating your other two even worse... i question how you can love someone who isn't a good father.

Krysten O

hell NO!

Empress Lucia

No. If he isn't even a good stepfather he won't make a decent father. Why didn't you two discuss this before you got married? Couldn't you tell by the way he interacted with your kids before you got married that he would make a crappy dad? Why would you put your kids in a situation like that?

KISH

Things would be different and may be for all the kids! Having own kid would have him learn affection for kids in general!

Discuss and take a call as you only can decide!

jjayferg

You could show him your question and all the answers later and then talk about it. So what if he gets his feelings hurt, you're talking about a major decision here, one that is going to require a lot of his help.

nakjns75

OH WOW! I hate to say but i am in a similiar situation, I have a child, same thing like you said, he also has 2 young sons younger than mine, he only see his kids maybe on sundays sometimes, but in a way i do want another baby, good luck with your situation.

sara

it's according to u,if u feel u can take care of another one then have another baby,if not then u say no untill he shows u he can be resonsible.

*never give up*

damn girl you just bashed your husband to everyone. being a step parent is hard. my husband is and if youre the one running everything, then how do you give him a chance to be good. give the man a child!

how would you feel if you wanted one child of your own, and he wasnt really feelin you?

benz s55

It is really up to you and your husband. I can honestly say that things will most likely be different when he has to care for a child that is his own. He will have different feelings for that child. The reason for not having a child with him shouldn't be because of the way that he treats your kids but a better reason not to have kids would be because it might cause a huge division in the family once he has one of his own and he really won't be there for your kids.

chaotic_mum

No. But ultimately, it's up to you. You're the one that has to carry them. If you see traits in him that aren't attractive when it comes to how he acts with your children, go with your gut. Tell him two is enough.

Sugar

No, If that's the way it is. Explain yourself to him. That child would suffer.

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