My Marriage is falling apart and he says it's my fault. Is he right?

My husband and I got married 3 years ago. Before we got married he had a problem with my weight. I promised him I would lose it and now 3 years later it's still here. He is totally fed up and doesn't want this marriage anymore.
Now that I made him look good, here is the nasty part. Everytime I start a meal plan to lose the weight, he goes into this stage where he's down and it spoils my plans. Last year September, he left me and when back to his home town to live with his parents. He left me under eviction, no job, no nothing. I begged him to come back in town to renew the lease for me and he didn't. He hooked up with an ex- girlfriend, who is pressuring him to divorce me, now she is pregnant and he is back home. He said he wanted to work things out, but he is still on me about the weight and saying that this whole mess he created is my fault. He claims, if I lost the weight a long time ago, he wouldn't have another girl pregnant. Is he right? Is this really my fault?
Additional Details
O.K, I didn't promise to lose the weight for him to marry me. We were together 4 years before we got married. I promised him during our 2nd year. The reason I told him I would lose the weight is because, I did't like the way my body looked either and Whenever I have a problem with him he works on it, so I thought, why not work on the problem we both have with me. I was just trying to be fair. Months after we got married, he would always tell me, that we have to keep our body looking good for one another, because we are married and we are the only people that get to see each other naked for the rest of our lives. I thought he had a point. I just wish I had already lost this weight. Not for him, but for myself. Just wanted to clearify that the plan wasn't, I lose weight for him to marry me.

April

Why would you agree to marry someone under the condition that you would lose weight? That is a big red flag right there - he should love you regardless of how much you weight. What happens when you get older? Does he not want that either?
Sounds like it is his problem, not yours...let him go and be happy he left.

Big Momma Carnivore

OK ready: Your weight has nothing to do with this. Leave the bum already (he impregnated another woman!). This is not your fault and he is using emotional blackmail to cover his own bad behavior. Once you leave him and get settled, you can work on getting in shape and work emotionally on having a positive relationship with a man.

jrex

wow are you serious? please find someone new.

Life ain't always easy

No, it isn't your fault on the weightloss. The only think I would say is your fault is for not standing up for youself and saying I am not marrying a man that is so shallow. Get yourself out of this situation because he is a piece of sh*t

Undecided

Don't let that idiot come back. He sounds to me like the type to keeps your self esteem low so that he always gets what he wants from you and punishes you when he doesn't. Get rid of the bum.

Hokie_Pokey

What's your fault is that you promised to lose weight and you allowed this to be a 'condition' of your marriage.

This guy sounds horrible to even make you promise such a thing before you married. He obviously does not love you for you. I think you should be happy to be rid of him.

Once he's gone for good - drop the weight, find a man who accepts you for you and flaunt your new happy life in front of the ex.

Good riddance!

TeKe

this guy is stuuuupid............get the hell out of there

jess h

well if he dont like you the way you are then, he might not love you its not all about looks,

its not your thought

1912 Hudson

if he married you at the weight you are now, he must have loved you enough that it wasn't an issue. true love is about more than physical appearance. he sounds like a loser.
I think you should dump him, focus on yourself and lose the weight for YOU. Your best revenge will be to show him you can do it for yourself.

SimpleGirl

It sounds like you had some serious self esteem issues by promising to lose weight like he wants.
He sounds like a loser, and you sound like you don't love yourself.

This marriage is totally over. Just leave, and improve yourself for you, not for anyone else.

kittykatsback

Hate to say it, but yes.

You should have never agreed to lose weight in order to marry him.

Look inside yourself, seek counseling, you will realize this was probably the best thing for you.

perfectvelvet

Uh, no, it's not your fault. He should not have married you if he had a problem with you, and it seems to me that he married you so that he could control you and belittle you and feel better about himself.

I'd file the divorce papers, the reason being mental cruelty. He sounds like a pretty terrible person to treat you like that, and I hope you find yourself much happier after this.

marina

He's a liar and a cheater...not to mention a control freak. These things are not your fault and no longer your problem.

Let his ex have him. She's pregnant by a married man. Sounds like they deserve each other.

You, on the other hand, deserve to be with someone who loves you for you...not with strings and rules attached. Get yourself together for you, give him a "good riddance!" and things will work themselves out.

Cait Z

Oh my god.. just stop calling him...if he calls you tell him you are divorcing him..serously..he is cheating on you and will never give you the respect you need...he is messing with your head

Nicks

he sounds like a complete ***, end of.

Angel

First why would you marry someone when they have a problem with your weight?
Do you not have any self esteem?
I don't mean to sound mean or harsh but you need to get to the problem here and it starts with you....

Why have you allowed this man to treat you in this manner?

Why did you beg him to come back knowing that he had an affair and got another woman pregnant?

Did you think that he had changed from the time he left, had the affair and you begged him to come back?

NO, ZEBRA'S DO NOT CHANGE THEIR STRIPES, and neither will your husband...

So after reading this, why do you have such a low self esteem and no self respect in yourself?
Because it starts with you..

Others treat you in the manner in which you feel you deserve to be treated, and you continue to accept the mental, emotional, verbal abuse from this man and now let us add adultery..

Seek counseling for yourself before you continue down this destructive path you are on.

Best of Luck

â‚Sun_Is_Shiningâ‚

The only weight you need to lose, honey, is him.

Nena S

It takes two to tango in a marriage.

You blew it by not losing the weight you promised...and he is being an idiot by saying your weight problem is what forced him to cheat and get another woman pregnant.

This is a very unhealthy relationship. Sounds to me like you should part ways.

Joy K

I dont understand, and don't think i ever will understand women like you. a) if a guy ever told me to loose weight he wouldnt get a nice responce, it should be for you. b) why are you even thinking about taking him back??? he has obviously brainwashed you into thinking he is some sort of god. no. leave him NOW! When you meet someone that treats you right you will realise how much of a loser your EX husband is!

gracey

OMG and you want him as a husband WHY??? are you crazy let him go if he truly loved you he wouldnt care if you were freakin 500 lbs and he wouldnt have cheated

3peas in a pod

Of course it is not your fault. It sounds like to me that you are comfortable with your weight but he is not. If you are happy the way you are then trust me I wouldnt change that for NO ONE!!! He sounds like a looser get rid of him and go find yourself someone who treats you good for who you are.

Hopeless Romantic*

Ouu girl he is TERRIBLE!!!! Leave his dusty *** and find a real man! .....Sorry, I had 2 get that out 1st, but the fault is on the both of you. If he had an issue with your weight before the marriage that should have let you know that he was superficial and years later after you had kids and blew up, he would be even less attracted to you causing even more problems. You also should have NEVER promised him that you would lose the weight. But b4 that I need 2 know, do YOU actually have a problem with your weight or just him? Because if you don't have a problem with your weight, you should have never stayed with him and instead found someone who would love u 4 u...all of u. Anyway, it seems he has totally moved on and I understand you love him but c'mon...he left you evicted, broke , and alone and then cheated and got another woman pregnant.....it's time to close that chapter sweetie and LEAVE HIM ALONE!! You can make it on your own girl, and do bad by your dam* self!

dushdoosh

Your only fault is believing this B@st@rd.

Lottie W

Honey, you don't have a marriage. YOu have a man who lived with you a while, and then left and impregnanted another woman and says it sis your fault.
I say GOOD RIDDANCE. If he is not gone, kick his butt to the curb. Throw his clothes out on the lawn and lock the door.
You married someone who loved what he thought you might look like and be for him IF and WHEN you did something for him. He wanted arm candy, not YOU!
Why would you do such a thing?Do you have such a bad life that you can't be loved for who you are? Fat, thin, blonde, bald, one leg or two? What if you got cancer and lost a breast? would it be your fault for not being attractive so he can cheat on you? What BS!
Your fault is letting him back in the house. Throw him OUT=- be gald he is out of your life. Go find someone who will love the person you are inside and even a few extra pounds. (even a lot)
If you don't love who you are, you are a victim looking for a perpetrator.
Me? I'd tell him to go to the store for pizza and change the locks while he was gone and throw his clothes on the lawn. I would call 911 if he tried to break in.
He would never get near me again.
YOU are responsible to be faithful to your husband, not be a certain size. He is responsible to be faithful, not blame you when he cheats.
What a dog. Get rid of him now, before that baby is born, and he will worm his way back to sleep with and lie to both of you.
You should never have married a guy who made you promise to lose weight for him. Lose weight for yourself (or not). Love yourself enough to take good care of yourself.
The best diet there is is "a new man is gonna see me naked " diet.
Good luck.
If you have kids with him, take PICTURES OF HIM COMING OUT OF HER HOUSE. OH YES. LAWYERS LOVE CHEATERS, and leave today.

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