My boyfriend and I want to move in together but my parents object unless we are married...what should I do?

Rosie is Chief Justice

SLOW DOWN! You are getting married for all the wrong reasons. If your parents don't approve, then you have to do it on your own. Yeah, it stinks to not have health insurance, but it also stinks to be 21 and divorced!

Please think about this.

Handsome Devil

your parents have no business making this decision for you

lemme guess....you're from the south and your parents are religious!!

yeehaw religion, striking individual freedom down yet again for absolutely no reason

yikes!!! you need to take a time-out and do some soul searching. don't get married on anyones time table but your own!!!

just remember to keep in perspective your parents love you and are operating from there. but trust me, divorice is not fun ((i married at 20 as well)) it is not easy and it is very hard on your spirit, sense of self, and self esteem.. make sure you are getting married for the RIGHT reasons.

if you do it right, it is your ONE wedding that you will remember for the rest of your life. you'll share it with your children and your grandchildren. you don't want the memory to be a forced wedding.

you hv much to think over. God bless!!!

supernaturaldj2000

Yes you're being too rash. I think your parents are looking out for your interests. The man you are with is much older (read: more sneaky) than you are, so if I were you I'd get my OWN place where he and your parents can visit you. Even if you think you're getting married in the future, don't bet on it for sure until you have said your vows.... I would rather lose a BF than my family. Men come and go, so you can always get another one.

JustMe

Yes you are making a rash decision. Not only are you only 20 but the man is 10 yrs older than you. I would flip out if I was your mother. Ive always said there must be something wrong with a 30 yr old man that would date a 20 yr old. Your going to give up your family for a man like this ? And then if it doesn't work out and your no longer together, then what are you going to do ?

Super Mom

Hunny you dont need to rush into marriage! How long have you and this guy been seeing each other? I have to defend your parents on this one, you know they care about you and only want the best for you. I do see your point on only needing one rent to pay but what if you do move in with this guy and your parents cut you off and then you two break up, then where will you go? Right back to your parents who will tell you what everyone hates to hear... "I told you so". Personally I think living together before getting married is the best route to go because you dont EVER really know someone until you live with them. Have you thought about maybe trying to get on the state insurance like medicaid? If you dont have much income and go to school full time then you might actually qualify. I think your parents might come around if you went ahead and moved in together they probably just need time I mean after all you are their daughter!

Froggie

Why not get married? Is because he doesn't want to? What's thew rush, he is 30 ans messing with a 20 yo, has he been married before? Lot's of questions you should be wondering about. When you were 10 he was 20. Hmmmmm.
My daughter moved in with a guy and she promised no kids until they got married. 18 years later she has one kid and he kicked her out. No they never got married. All the money they put together, she got nothing, the furniture she had is gone.he moved out with zero and now he has a new girlfriend and she has zero and one kid. think about it. At least if you get married and it doesn't work out, at least you will have a legal standing so that you can leave with something. Protect yourself. As a parent, it hurts like h*ll to see her struggle trying to keep she and her kid fed and dressed. I have helped her with $$$ over the years and she has nothing. The $$$ was for the 2 of them and he says he owes me nothing.

PerfectlyHeartBroken

Well I can see where your arents are comming from but you are over 18 so the decision is up to you. I mean if you truely believe that you are in love with him and that he is in love with you go for it, but if you are unsure of your feelings or think he may be unsure of his feelings then I wouldn't move in with him just yet

bocasbeachbum

If your parents are so religious why do they lower themselves to bribery, threats and extortion so they can get their way. It sounds like they are petulant 12 year olds.

ashley l

if you are adults then do what you want your famliy will get over dont rush in to marriage because your family wants you to please have your own mind

Dovie

I am a very traditional person myself and I believe whole-heartedly in marriage, but at 20, you are just too young to really make that kind of decision. However, I totally respect your parents' point of view, especially if they are paying bills for you.

If you are prepared to move in with your boyfriend, you two must find a way to adjust financially - that's part of a marriage-type relationship. Is he wanting to keep his own money and your money apart? If so, then he probably isn't ready to make an honest committment to you. If, on the other hand, he is expecting to combine your lives completely, then he is expecting to be with you for that type of relationship and will help you meet the bills that you must pay and support your household for the betterment of BOTH of you.

I got married at about your age because I got pregnant and my parents made me get married. We were very badly matched, but suffered through 18 years of a bad marriage because I was forced.

If you are prepared to go against your parents' wishes, then you must be able to stand on your own two feet and make your own decisions (and suffer the consequences if you're wrong).

I think that at 20 you are awfully young to make a marriage decision, especially if you're still in school. Whatever you decide to do, please do not quit your education - you will need it later, whether you think so or not. It's so much more difficult to go back to school when you have childfren and could be divorced and forced to pay your own way in life.

I know that you don't want to believe that, but it happens every single day to thousands of women. Finish your education and then worry about getting married and having children.

Whatever you do too, don't marry for the convenience of it or to please your parents. You will be so sorry later.

Good luck to you both and God bless!

marianne o

my parents did this i moved out got pregnant and then they wouldn't pay for a wedding. lol. i would listen to your parents. think of it this way if you both could afford to pay two rents for a year or two then you will be set when it comes to buying a house when you get married because you will be used to spending that much. you probably won't be saving that much on rent anyways because you'll both probably have roommates.

pepo

if he really loves you , and is ready to live with u, so y not get marry now ??!!!! your parents r TOTALLY RIGHT , they want u to be secure, just think for a second why they wanna u get marry, although they r going to pay alot preparing 4 ur wedding and marriage needs, marriage is ur ONLY prove that he really loves u and want to b with u till the very end of his life, it will add nothing to him ecxept being responsible. he doesn't want to be responsible?!! or he just wanna spend good time making use of ur love and body !! just having fun for a while... my mature girl, plz think deeply, ur parents just want ur happiness, the happiness that will last for ever, not just for few monthes or even years....

sleepyhead

I don't believe you should get married just so you can live with your man. I also do not believe that you should stay at home and have your parents pay your bills either. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and have your own life. Of course your parents would feel better if you weren't "living in sin". They have to realize you are grown and capable of making your own decisions. They obviously don't think you are , for the simple fact that they are paying your bills. Sounds like they are holding it over your head. Time heals, and they might not like it now, but they will learn to accept it. It is sad that you feel forced into getting married and I think that is WORSE scenario than your parents not paying your bills. Think about the long run.

Z ee Bee

You are not too young to get married you are too immature. Get your own apartment like you planned. Make sure you can stand on your own before you get married. Be dependent on yourself! Not your parents and especially not your man.

You don't make any sense because you wrote that your parents object to you moving in before you get married and you also said your parents would object to a wedding... Sounds like it's him that they don't like.

FJ23

Just tell to your parents that in these modern days couples live together before getting married to MAKE SURE they're meant for each other. Of course, you can also guarantee your parents you'll not have a child before marriage. Just dont let them force into marriage because it may be a BIG BIG mistake in the long run. IT'S MUCH BETTER for you to stay single UNTIL you find the RIGHT MAN......MAYBE HE IS!!!

Max

Easy. Get married. If he is good enough to live with with, he is good enough to marry, and that works both ways. Also if you are planning to get married anyway, why not do it now? But be sure this is really the person you want to marry.

Teclis98

Are they forcing you? no... are you making a rash decision yes... do you have to feel bad for moving in with your boyfriend since you are both adults?

Hell no... they don't like it tough, they will get over it, and if they don't then screw em.

I know that is easy for me to say but this is the thing, you are who you are and if you want to do something as common place as move in with your boyfriend they can either live with it and not like it or go completely f*ckin bat-sh*T crazy and cut you off in all ways.

Given that this is what they want to do then why would you want to associate with them? they don't love you as you are then why waste effort on them.

Don't get married for health insurance, you can get a job for insurance if you need to. There are also various health care related resources in your community that could provide low cost or no cost health care.

Look if you want to live with your boyfriend, then go for it, I say hold off on actual marriage if you aren't sure that you want to be married at this point because getting out of a marriage is a hell of a lot harder than getting into one.

You are a woman of character who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, your parents are not doing that, and if you rush into marriage without being sure this is what you want or for finacial or social reasons then you aren't treating yourself with the respect you deserve.

Go get a place with your boyfriend and see if you two kids can make something work. Your parents if they love you will get over it, and if not... then you aren't a slave to their whims.

Good luck and I hope this helps.

Ganesha_lvr

Whatever you do, don't get married yet!! wait until you finish college. Could you have a room in the dorms? I could see why they would cut back on some things, but to disown you like that seems a bit excessive. Health insurance sux. I don't have any, I guess, if I get really sick, I hope I die? I dunno on that one.

Answers and Questions

you are young. The odds are against you and your boyfriend/fiance of making it. However, if you love the guy it still can work. It would be bad to lose your family support and they may disown you... family support is important. Why don't you just get a 6 month lease and move into your own apartment. I am sure if you parents don't want you to move in befeore your married they might be surprised your already doing this guy. after 6 months..get married..move in..and tada...

jennifer c

Do not get married for your parents or anyone else for that matter...You get married for yourself...And if you ask me you are too young to rush into a commitment like that..Just my opinion! I was married that young also and believe me you will be a different woman in a few years..you will change more than once..So the worst decision you can make is living your life for your parents..You are the one that needs to be happy they don't have to live your day to day life...They will come around one day, maybe not tomorrow but you are their daughter..Give them some time they will come around..I was in your same situation believe it or not...
Live your life for you!! Not for a man or your parents you...Do what you feel in your heart...In my opinion, I would rather live with a man before we get married so that I know what I am getting my self into...Everyone believes differently but I just feel that I would hate to get married and have all these surprises that I can not deal with and go through **** that I really don't have to ....When I buy a car I always test drive if you know what I mean...

melody g

If the two of you are in love, then getting married isn't just a rash decision to get out of your parents house. I don't think they are forcing you to get married, but maybe they don't want to think of their baby being "de flowered" before "the time is right." But I do recommend that you live together before getting married, that way the two of you will know the other persons living habits.

SGT. Dillers Wifey

If you are in love with a man enough to get married to him then you are not making the wrong choice. Although, do not let your parents be the reason for your nuptials it needs because you both want it now not in the future. a lot can happen between now and the future. marry for the right reasons, love and commitment. In the meantime if you wantto live with your bf then do it. your parents will come around in the long run. I t is better to experience it for yourself then to let them make all your descisions, your a adult.

melly

Becareful for what you wish for. Why milk the cow if you can get it for free.

triciepop1

Well yes i wouldnt get married unless you are really ready I mean if you do get married are your parents still going to support you, cause you will no longer be their responsibility you will be your husbands, and is he financailly capable to take care of you and your education?

Although it suchs and I know been all grown at twenty suchs but Id think about what is most important and sensable, I mean whats the rush to move in together I wouldnt bite the hand that feeds me unless i was going to be eating off a bigger plate! You have your whole entire life to be married and live with a man, but living with a man and hastidly getting married to one isnt going to make your life better. Do you really want to not have your parents at you wedding and they arent forcing you, they have there values and they want whats best for you in the long run, however it is your choice to make you just may have consequenses to deal with in the long run. No I don't think you are thinking about your future and whats best for you as an adult, or woman I think your thinking with your heart, and emotions sometimes they deceave us. I hope you make the best desision for you.

jefro

If you don't feel right about what your doing its probably not the right thing. Yes you are letting them force you.

LuckyChucky

Well you know your parents love you. I think they are right. If it's really love then it will still be there forever. If you move in your going to find out what lust is.

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