My boyfriend and i have just moved in together but his wife refuses to let the kids around when I'm there.

ndnqt1966

You moved in with a MARRIED man woman! No wonder his wife is behaving the way she is. Since there is no divorce and no divorce decree she can do as she wishes.

Mystery

taking on someone who's still married and his kids mean you take on their mother too.

she may be very jealous of you to start and she will also be concerned as you will be responsible for her children and she will have strong feelings about that. give it time and i hope she is areasonable intelligent woman. if you broke up the marriage you may never get on well with this woman but if you did not then over time (perhaps a long time) when she finds someone else she may come to trust and accept you.

Drew's Mom

If HE really wanted you around the kids that bad then he would file for divorce and make everything legal. . . then she really wouldn't have much say in it. . . but as a mother myself I have to say that she probably has a good reason for keeping the kids away. Remember they are HERS too and she makes the ultimate decisions in their lives.

tnsupermomwhit

i hope for the kids sake,you will all stop thinking of yourselfs,and start thinking of those kids,and the screaming and insults i bet those are said in front of the kids,my advice to you is,if she can't act like an adult,hopefully you and your boyfriend can,because it is not you or your boyfriend,or their mother or her boyfriend,is the ones to get hurt,its the kids

Matt G

I have no idea what the legal arrangements are between your boyfriend and his kid's mother, so none of us can truly answer this question. Your boyfriend surely knows what his legal rights are, and if he doesn't he should.

But I would say if my wife and I ever divorced, I would absolutely not want my children in a situation where they have to be privy to a "live-in" situation.

Your boyfriend has a moral obligation to his children to set an appropriate example for his kids - meaning he should not have made the decision to move in with you if he gets the kids over the weekend. His kids need to come before you!

That said, I am not sure his ex screaming, shouting, and insulting adds much to the situation. It would sadly appear these kids are not going to be exposed to responsible adults in their lives.

~*tigger*~ **

She doesnt know you
so she's just being a protective mom
put your self in her shoes

sheloves_dablues

Well, she can try.. But if he has court ordered visitation, it is up to him where he chooses to visit and whom he chooses to have around him during the visit. It's perfectly natural for him to bring the kids to his home, that he shares with you, when it's his time with the kids. If she has a reason to believe that associating with you is "not in the best interests of the children", she can petition the court to order that visitation take place with you out of the picture. But she has to prove that being around you is detrimental to their physical or emotional well being.

Bethany I

I have a question...
why would you move in with a guy who isn't yet divorced?
Anyway, you need to stay out of it. this is between him and the mother of his children. If you're smart you'll heed my warning. Don't get tangled up in something that isn't your place to get involved in. Trust me on this one.
Good luck!

monkey

No, she can't do that. He's going to have to get ugly and take her @ss to court. Tell him to save up for a good lawyer.

JOANNE M

i feel sorry for you i wanted to answer as the other people that have answered you havnt read your question properly like you said they have split for two years and she is buying a house with her new fella and and it isnt just the man thats just married its the women aswell it seams to me like jelousy worrying that her children are going to like you which in my eyes is good they should like you my sister has thiis same problem with her boyfriend and his daughter i think he should apply for a court order but also try and keep as much contact with his kids and you both stick together on this and work through it because in the end this what she is doing with the kids will only backfire on her in the end the kids will resent her for not letting them see there dad also i think she should try and get to know u as you would be looking after her kids aswell but women like that tend to not want there exs but are worried that he will leave his kids out for you which i know wouldnt be the case you sound like a nice person so dont let his ex split you up over this like i always say kids wont be kids all there life they do grow up and will decide them selves what they want to do the most important thing to do in this situation is even though the ex is not letting you both see the kids always keep birthday cards for them christmas aswell and pay child support so she wont have a leg to stand on by saying to the kids that there dad dosnt care because by doing all he can and you will show them that you do sorry for waffleing on hope you understand whats i was getting at and all the best for you both and the kids

David

This is a case of his ex- being nasty! Try and ignore that as its probably coz' she is jealous.

The UK law is such that he should be allowed reasonable right of access (usually every alternate weekend- fri to sun) she can't (in law bar you from seeing the children without a prohibitive steps order (injunction) stopping you from seeing the kids- judges seldom (in my experience) give these save for cases where the safety of the children may be compromised- there would have to be a good reason..

Advice:

Let yr B/f get the kids over for a visit and then you come over later.

If she wont allow the kids to come over when you are there-get your man to go to the police and lay a charge against her for the fact that she is withholding access-abduction etc..

this will make her come around- also tell her you'll chuck them out of the house if they don't cooperate.

Heather D

I am not sure how your relationship started (i.e. before they were split or not) it really doesn't matter. I think the reason she is probably yelling and screaming is because she is probably hurt. She probably isn't over him even though she has a new boyfriend. Maybe you should give her some time and I am sure she will change her mind. Hopefully things will work out soon so you can all get on with your lives and the children can start enjoying time with all of you.

sandwell nurse!

i don't blame her i would be the same!!!!!! a mother will protect her children no matter what! would he do the same if you were horrible to them? (not saying you would be). why did they split up? how old are the children? if my partner got another women i wouldn't let him have the kids if she were there.

clarkie

once she gets used to the idea she should be fine, i was in the same suituation untill my ex realised there was nothing she could do about it. if it goes to court and god forbid it does (it is an awful thing to fight in court) there will be no problem. just let her rant and rave. at the end of the day if the kids are happy enough what does it matter?

walt631

The major problem here is the effect on the kids,
You must know that you have absolutely no rights to the children, While his wife may of course insist that you not see the kids, chances are this will calm down when she realizes that you are not trying to be their mother.
Just make sure that you do not ever speak badly about their mother in front of them.

Misty D

First thing, if he has visitation rights, then she can not stop them from seeing him. Second if he does not have visitation then yes she can stop it. No matter how you view this you know that you are going to be the bad person. I don't care if he would've been divorced for 10 years, the husband will take the heat, which in turns puts it on you. I don't believe in double standards. But obviously she does. Make sure he has visitation,, if you find that he does and she will not let the children come over during his visitation, call the police first, then the next business day, file in court, contempt papers. She is going against a court order. If you don't mind keep me posted, I will see if I can find any other information for you. Good luck, don't give up your relationship for the EX

irene c

As hard as it is stop seeing the children,she will soon get fed up with having them around her feet.When she starts complaining then hit her with you won't let them see my girl friend,so what can I do.Your boyfriend could also upset the apple cart by saying he does not want her b/f living with his kids.

Kristina D

Hell has no scorn like a womans wrath..............And its pretty clear she is pissed can you blame her? her husband is sleeping with someone else?

shirley v

if he wants to see his kids then go to court does he pay to ward the kids keep i say go to court kids should see they dad

Sugar

I think you're an idiot and I wouldn't want my kids around you either. You have chosen a very difficult path to put yourself in so you must have issues.

well the law stands by you if there was no restraining order. so ignore her and continue what you are doing. when the kids see how nice you are to them they will not listen to her anymore if she bad mouth you

mrsknowitall

Okay I guess I don't know the full story my only ? is can you blame her

Ken

Your bf needs to get officially divorced. But, to answer your question, "no" -- she cannot legally prevent the children from visiting him while they are with you. To do that, she would have to have a court determine you are a bad influence on the children.

missingora

WIFE??? As in: your boyfriend is married? What are you thinking?? This isn't a "bit hard"; this is stupid of both of you. He is setting a bad example to his children! I hope she can stop letting the kids go watch the two of you play house. If he lives with you while he has a wife, he'll live with someone else if he ever marries you.
Then you'll understand what goes around comes around.

spuddylicious

Get your boyfriend to go to a soliceters get the courts to sort it i was in the same position as your boyfreinds ex wife and also as yourself .Your boyfreind has rights too but you need to think about how this all is effecting the kids.Good luck it will be a long hard battle if your partner decides to drag the kids through court because it is the children that will suffer when asked to choose between parents.

Sandy Sandals

Not if they have an active custody order or arrangement

lwheavenlyangel

Obviously the woman is jealous of you being with her husband. Despite the fact that she has a boyfriend of her own, she cannot adjust to the thought that he has another woman and this woman is around "their kids".

Understand that she's not stable in her request and if there isn't an order stating you not being around these kids, there's nothing she can do but put up roadblocks. If you do not want the drama of her, then come around when the kids aren't there to avoid the kids being in the middle of her melt downs.

tracieisland

Hi Brit, just remember the other people on here slating you have nothing better to do so try and ignore them...its so sad to hear your story. if your boyfriend has been estranged from his kids for a while then he will need to bond with them and obviously the only place he can do that is with you at yours and his house,,so be patient hun, lifes a ***** and the ex also it seems..she obviously still has issues regarding your boyfriend...shes probably jealous of the two of you and this is the only way she can cause you both trouble..stick it out, stay firm and true to yourselves and enjoy the kids too. i wish you all the luck in the world.

Harold S is right on what he says.

Sammi A

your bf should be able to see the kids with you there so she can't do that no

sleepsheepnyc

I think that she can do that (legally, morally, and ethically). They are her kids, and as long as they are minors, she has control over what kind of people they are exposed to.

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