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My boyfriend of 3 years still does not get along with my 10 year old daughter What should I do?
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My boyfriend of 3 years still does not get along with my 10 year old daughter What should I do?

I just went back to my boyfriend and father of my 4 year old son after being separated for one year. He is being good to me.But I have a big problem .I have a daughter from a previous relationship she is 10 years old and is really acting up not since we went back together but since before I have always let her get away with alot because she dont have a dad in the other hand Im always on top of my son. I talk to my daughter and she is really rude with me.She calls him dad and everything, But know that I want him to be nice with her . He does not feel like it, He does not want even want to bother with her.


    




Sapient
Rating
She is a child... He is an adult. I can't believe you would consider being with someone that refuses to be nice to your child and doesn't even consider her worth bothering with at all! Your responsibility is to protect and raise your children, you need to figure this out before it's too late and she ends up running away and getting knocked up and wanting nothing to do with you! Please consider some parenting classes. Your kids deserve at least that!!


07
Rating
your daughter is more important.
thats all i have to say.
u make the choice.


New Nana
You have picked a man over your daughter. That will come to haunt you some day.


‚ô•The Mrs.‚ô•
Why are you creating this unstable enviorment for your children in the first place?


Raspberry
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If a man didn't treat my child better than he treated me then he wouldn't be in my life.

Good luck!


pmp
Rating
dump him, whose more important, one day your daughter will tell you thnx for choosing yours n his happness over mine, like i told mine. Good Luck


Brian F
If he can't accept your daughter then that should tell you something about him. Hear that little voice inside your head telling you to dump him? Listen to it. Whats more important him or your daughter?


bgee2001ca
Rating
It is never going to change, so you are faced with the dilemma of deciding what is best for you and your daughter.

If he is not abusive to her, it may work, however the undercurrent of hostility will last a lifetime.

Is that what you want?


daddynard1010
Rating
You need to end it. You are no longer 1 person you are 3. Your man should love all your kids as he loves you.How could you possibly want someone who dont want to be associated with your child. Your daughter is at a fragile age where she needs a male figure in her life, If your bf dont want nothing to do with her it can possibly damage her in the future, and she will look for love from a man in the mans bedroom.


suzanne g
Rating
The last line bothers me. If he's with you, he has to bother with her - you and your children are a package deal. You know the reason she acts up - because you always let her get away with stuff. It's not too late to change that - start making some rules and making them stick. The first rule: No being rude to mom.
HE's the adult, not her - he has to step up to the plate if they are going to have a decent relationship.


braveheart170660
Rating
Blood is thicker than water


Margie
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Boy, you really screwed it for two kids, didn't you?

Not much you can do- if your 10 year old doesn't like him, there won't be much you can do to make her. Only 8 more years to go.


lynn18050
Rating
your priority is YOUR daughter, end of story.
she is a part of you.
Tell the boyfriend to buck up or buck off.
I dont like the sound of him, she is 10 years old for goodness sake.


melody
Rating
children always come first!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AUNTY EM
I have a similar situation - my son and his step father don't get along that well. I'm afraid its the grown-ups that have to parent and whether he likes it or not, your bf has a moral responsibility to your daughter as you all came as a package. However, you may not notice it, as its your daughter, but there is a possibility that she is now a brat (I made that mistake with my son). So, the children of these relationships think they are in charge and the parental unit is the target - they try to split the two of you up (not literally) but in the decision making process. Now, the solution is to talk to your bf, make it clear he will have to make an effort and listen to his complaints about your daughter very carefully. You will have to hear things you don't like! Also, you need to have a very assured parental unit - not a triange with one child having a lot of influence. There should be two distinct factions - adults and children. You and your bf must have a united front on all decisions regarding both children. If he feels he can exert influence, he will probably feel more able to cope. You have to discuss issues with your bf in private and then announce to your kids that this is the way its going to be. You lay down the new family guidelines with all of you round the table and agree sanctions and punishments for wrong doing. Then stick to it. We don't have as many problems with my son and my husband is making a huge effort. I talk to my husband regularly to see if he is still okay with it all. My son still tries to emotionally blackmail me when we are alone - but kids willl try it on! Remind your bf that your daughter has had a fair amount of upheaval so he needs to give her some room to adjust but not forever! Get on to it now before she becomes a teenager - oh, and get married - its the best way of telling your children that you and your bf are together and will provide them with a long-term, secure home!!


Me
it's not your fault he treats her this way. It's YOURS!!!! because she's a spoiled brat because you failed to take the responsibility and discipline her. that's why people avoid situations like yours because you freakin expect for a boyfriend to come in and automatically be a father figure. your f'ing craZY. next please.


‚ô•dealt with love‚ô•
Rating
plz dump him


natalya_ox
Rating
this happened with me and my mam and her partner. i moved out at 13 and went to live with grandparents.


HG2003
What's the reasoning behind not wanting to bother with him. My step son is a total pain but I put up with him because when I married my husband he was part of the relationship from the get go. Your boyfriend needs to get over it because all children act up but he can't act cruely towards your daughter just because he's not her father.


jam
Rating
The chances is he is never going to be bothered, talk to your daughter she sounds like she is just as much to blame as he is, neither of them are trying.


kleino383
idk, maybe u should try to get some consoling with the family. it kinda sounds like ur bf has tried to work things out with her but, he gave up on it b/c she wasn't giving him a chance.


MiZz SaAk
Rating
get rid of the guy...theres a million more out there...your daughter should come first!!!


mravenec88
Rating
It sounds like your daughter is boycotting the relationship because when she has you on her own you let her get away with everything. Remember, she can only be rude to you if you let her. And if it's been going on for 3 years, I don't blame him for not wanting to bother with it. Would you, if the shoe was on the other foot?


greyfoxflea
Rating
Tbh you really cant blame him for not wanting to "bother with her" she isn't a part of him she's a part of someone who means a lot to him, which I know should mean the same thing but to be perfectly honest it doesnt, Tell him that she calls him Dad and you want him to act as such, definately dont dump him over this, good guys dont come along very often.
Have a talk with both of them, and tell them both to stop acting like 10 year olds, its a chance to let your daughter know she needs to act more maturely, aswell as the same thing to your bf.
Hope this goes well.


bob_nj_2005
First and for most, I would like to say that anyone telling you to give up your relationship is dumb!!! The girl will grow up one day and leave, and where does that leave you? You need to lay the law down to her. She is only 10 DON'T WAIT too late. All these freaks telling you you should give up on him are DUMB PEOPLE with no brains. Is he a good man? Does he work,(support)? Do you love him and visa/versa? You really need to lay the law down and show her that you are the MOTHER!!! You make the rules, Not her. If you continue to let her push you, then that is all your fault for letting it happen. Think about the future. She is out of contoll now, then if you continue to lay back? Then what will she be when she is 14,16,18? Really, Just be the MOTHER and lay the law down to her. She will be mad, but in time they both will come together I am sure. Good Luck.


Rickard
You have your answer in your question. "she is 10 years old and is really acting up not since we went back together but since before I have always let her get away with alot because she dont have a dad".
You let her get away with alot is the problem not the boyfriend. It's time to be on top of her as you are with your younger son or the daughter will drive him and any other person away in the future.


notyochic
Rating
well than you need to think of your daughter who is a child and she comes first you need to tell him that he needs to make good with her in order for the two of you to b together he should spend the day with her get to know her at least make an effort to do so !!


Vogon Poet
If an adult can't be bothered with a child for 3 years then it's time to lose the adult.

The child is still growing and her character still forming. What kind of relationships will she have if he is her father figure ?


shootingstars957
Rating
Your kids come first....period....If he cannot accept your child then he needs to go. Blood is way thicker than water. i fhe is unwilling to step up to the plate and be a dad then move on.............Guys come and go but your daughter will always be your daughter.


bettercockster2
Rating
Kids today are very disrespectful and are usually not taught good manners by their single parent mothers. What would youexpect from any man?


J M
put her in a foster home





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