My christian parents don't believe my verbally abusive husband can change?

Lenora

I am a Christian.

Yes, we are suppose to forgive but you also have to see this as your parent's see it. They have already raised you and it is not necessary for any other man to come and do what they have already done.

Forgiveness, of course - 7X70!

Should they be willing to see their daughter place her life in peril? They have forgiven your husband; they are not willing to believe that he has changed his ways, not after a month.

When you were saved did you all of a sudden know right from wrong or were there some things you had to learn? Did you learn them all in a month? So how do you expect you husband to know of different skills to use when he gets angry? Time is necessary and even then he will need to prove himself.

There is always the honey moon stage of domestic violence. Then it will occur again as soon as someone says something wrong. Only this time he will move you away from your family because they serve as interference in your relationship and you need to be with him and only him. If you take him back, what you just read will be the next step. Listen to your family.

meowmonkeymeow

I do believe that people can change and in time your parents will forgive. However, change does not happen over night. And even one month is not enough. Change is a process that can take years. Your husband must show you he is worthy to have you as his wife and worthy of being accepted by your family. If he trully has changed then give him this challenge: Tell him to continue his change and to return to you in one year. if in that year he has shown you positive progress then you'll see he was serious about you and his love for you....However, if he is unwilling to wait for a year then he has no real love for you and accepting him back would be a complete mistake......

I am not joking. He really has to win you and your family back and no matter how much it hurts to leave him alone he really has forfeit all rights to your heart and your kindness.

You'll be ok just remember that what ever you decide has to be something that you can live with: no regrets and no self pitty.

Scott F

I don't think being Christian has anything to do with it. Besides isn't it more logical to judge the abusive husband before your parents disapproval of him? Biblically speaking by Christian moral code he has 3 chances to change but you don't have to be a door mat for him. I say give him a chance again but don't be a fool abusive relationships are dangerous if he hurts you it's God's will that you leave him because God doesn't want you to get hurt.

Razgrids

Doesn't the bible say that the only base for divorce is either adultery or death? i think this is your answers.

but just remember that people dont usually or easily change, specially not for somebody else. You however have to make your own decisions

girlygirl

It is possible for people to change, but not usually likely unless they have a huge push. I can't say whether to give him another chance (trust your gut). I am sure that your parents are trying to manipulate you (like well meaning "good pious christians" sometimes do-unfortunately) because they love you. But you have to make your own decisions. Furthermore, there are very kind people out there who have never "given their lives over to the lord". Make your own choices, trust your gut, and stand up to ANYONE who tries to control you (even, maybe even especially your devout christian parents)

Gloâ˜…

Your parents sound very loving and they are in fear and upset with the way he treats you. You cannot blame them for that. I would say that yes it is very possible for your husband to change. However, it takes a sincere heart and mindset from him to change. For him to realize there is an issue and for him to work on it. You husband needs therapy. I would not go back to him until we have been through some serious and intense counseling sessions. I would want to see some improvement. Often verbal abuse turns into physical abuse. This is probably why your parents are not willing to forgive and forget so quickly. They love you more than anything in the world, you are their daughter. I would have a very serious conversation with my husband if I were you. I would lay down some ground rules, counseling and therapy to work on his anger and verbally abusive behaviors before any talk of getting back together. Both of you should go to counseling both individual as well as couples. Perhaps if your parents see him trying to change, they will be a bit more free to forgive. They are looking out for you and your best interests. Don't be angry with them for that. They love you and want the best for you. Good luck.

amy p

Anyone can change, but it is hard. He is your husband so you should give it another try. What about Christian counseling for couples?

DianeP

Unfortunately, it is unlikely that he has had time to change. He needs to fully understand the root of the reason he is abusive, and a month is not long enough for him to understand the anger he has. And sometimes people use God to convince you that they have changed. The proof is in the pudding....so to speak. If he has changed, he will give you time and space to figure out your needs. If he is pushing you, he hasn't changed....he is still trying to control you and the abusive component is still there. I understand your families fears.
Unless someone truly gives his life to the Lord....he will remain in the flesh and still have the sinning nature that makes him hurt you.
God Bless You and good luck

jennifer

Your parents are just looking out for you. Unless your husband goes to counseling he probably wont change. I dint think in a month he could change, it will take time and effort. I think only you can decide if you want to put yourself back in that situation and your children.

Just Surfin

"I think this time, my husband will change"

How many "other times" have there been?

Jenn L

Your parents just dont want to see you get hurt anymore than you already have, it is in their nature to try to protect you regardless of whether they are Christian or not. If you think about it, most Christians only use divorce as a last resort when all else fails, and many Christians do not believe in divorce whatsoever. I think you shoul,d do what is in your heart, and if you decide to go back to him, just remember that the next time he does it that is it. If you aare willing to give him another chance, dont dare let him start back with the abuse again. Some people are able to change, but it is a very hard thing to do, so if he is able to do it, I am happy for you and your family, and I bet if he really changes your parents will be willing to forgive him. Even if they are Christian, it is unwise to forget when somene keeps making the same mistakes over and over, so dont blame your parents they are just showing that they love you.

Janet W

Does everyone in your adult life control you? You need to be a wife and make your own decisions. What do your parents have to do with anything. It's between you and your spouse.

JUJUBABE

Once a thief, always a thief.

Keyanna

You need to find a way to calm your parents down and tell them changes don't always happen in seconds, even if it takes a million years for him to change, he will change either way. Give them a chance to calm down after talking to them.
toodles,
(by the way I am 9 yrs old.)

openminded

I dont believe in god but I do agree that he more than likely wont change. If he has anger he has deep issues and a month aint gonna fix it.

(WOMAN)

First of all, a Christian can only take so much from a person and just because somebody is Christians it doesn't mean they are going to be push overs, we are humans not robots. But regardless of your parents, you are a grownup and you decide what you think it's right, not your parents. If you want to go back to him and give him another chance then do it nobody will stop you but don't expect everybody to like him and love him after whatever he did to them.

Vitiran

Wait. Whose opinion is more important, yours or your parents?

Do what you feel is that best thing, not your parents. If they are right, who cares? It's up to you to make your own mistakes. That's one way to make your own successes.

Listen to what they have to say. If there's something in there that makes sense, incorporate it into your own beliefs and protect yourself / resolve any issues first. If (as you say above) something they're saying doesn't make sense, say thanks and you'll make your own decision (which really means successes and mistakes).

If you just do what they say, you'll never be truly happy regardless if they're right or not.

Changing is demonstrated through actions not words. Use that as your guide.

Bob Ross

he's not gonna change. he might pretend to for a little while but he won't, it'll go back to the way it was. just leave him

damebeso1

I left my verbally abusive husband, went back to him after he swore he'd changed, left him and divorced him after I realized that he didn't. Best thing I ever did because I have the best husband in the world now!

Rissima

It is not necessary to be profane or verbally abusive. It's actually easier not to be but to not be profane requires one to be mature and understand that one would be much happier CHOOSING not to go to the extra effort of sticking to those stupid self-deprecating and injuring habits. So the answer is when he grows up he will stop. That could take a awhile. It's all up to him. He could stop in one day. But he has to want to be a better person first.

A Canadian

I think your parents are actually right and you need to grow up and make your own decisions. I, like your parents, don't believe your husband will change...from your question it sounds like this has become a pattern for him. Once you disrespect someone verbally you can't take it back and the downward spiral begins.

cool beans

get your husband to watch the movie fireproof
or watch it togther

its so beneficial. i cant even explain how impacting it is, just watch it

maybe even recommend it to your parents

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