My father inlaw is always putting me down...help?

?Doc.Shell?

Sweetheart, you are totally right. Your father n law has NO right to treat you that way and NO one on this earth would scream at my kids...over my dead body. You don't need to feel bad about not seeing him and if he screams and treats your kids that way, I'd not let them go either. If your husband has a problem with it, TOUGH. He should be a man and stand up to his dad and tell his dad to respect his wife and children or there will be no relationship, it's UNCALLED FOR! I would not stand for any of my family disrespecting my spouse or children. Your husband may have to see them, but he has to live with you, tell your husband to get some balls...And, he doesn't have to disrespect his dad to let him know either, all he has to do is respectfully say...Dad, respect my wife and children or we will not be coming anymore...end of story. Don't you dare let any of them guilt you for doing what you are doing, I think you are doing the right thing.

Liz

You are absolutely right. I would refuse to be anywhere near that abusive father-in-law of yours. If your spineless husband is worried that this will impact on his own relationship with his father, explain to him that if he had acted like a man and stood up for his wife and kids, none of you would be in this fix now.

jims72vega

i never yell at my kids 2 girls 24 26 boy 29.i never put a hand on them they will do anything i ask and i do the same.you don't have to put up with it.you are not married to him.nor are your kids.

cope_acetic

Well, now you know WHY your hubby doesn't defend you...his dad is a BULLY!!!

You are doing the right thing. But you need to let the bully know WHY you won't be there any more. So write him a letter, and tell him EXACTLY what is on your mind.
Make the 1st paragraph all about what a bully he is and that you won't take it any more---because he probably won't READ any more than that.

Don't feel bad for refusing to be abused!

Klingon

I would keep going if I were you.He's getting what he wants otherwise.Tell your husband to wake up & stand up for you.

Mr. G

I think the problem of your husband not sticking up for you is much bigger than the fact that you want nothing to do with your father-in-law.

Funny Girl

He's rude and it isn't right for your husband to let him do that to you. I wouldn't let my kids be around him, either. And I think you're handling it in a very mature way. Your husbands relationship with his father shouldn't depend on whether or not you take verbal abuse from your father-in-law.

jellybeanfury

I think that you are taking the right approach in not seeing him. When someone is being abused in a situation then the best way to help yourself is to take yourself out of the situation. Well if your husband is not going to stick up for you then you need to take care of yourself. Because ( I don't know how long you have been married) for me it took my husband more than 10 yrs to finally stick up for me) He took so long to come around and ADMIT FINALLY that his parents are mean to me. FINALLY. We still have issues but you need to do what you need to do in the meantime to take care of yourself adn your kids. And that is all I have to say about that! Good luck!

Annie

I too am in that position, I no longer have any dealings with husbands family.... something much worse tho than what you are discribing, and I too do NOT interfere with husband having dealings with them, they are his family..... I just backed off and do not do anything...... it is very sad but something I felt that had to be done, at least for now..... if what you say is true, then I suggest you just make it known to your husband that you will just back off for now, let him deal with his family, but that you refuse to live that kind of life anymore..... and you might suggest to him that grandfather always yelling at the kids is NOT good for them, they will grow up some day, and not only will grandfather have to deal with them but Dad as well, because he let it happen........ God bless

chicago floater

cut him off without guilt.

bugbeacon2

You are completely right to stop seeing him and your husband is a stupid idiot. Nice the way he doens't stick up for his own wife! Your in law needs to be put in his place for the SOB he is, but in lieu of telling him off, you ahve EVERY right to not see him. And your kids shouldn't see him either. My god, your husband must be a fool to let you go through this and your kids. But if he won;t stand up, you MUST. Your in law is a BULLY and sometimes the only way to stop them is to ignore them. Let him go bully someone else. He is a small, small-minded person. You are completely in the right here. In fact, I would think it was odd if you did see him, and let your kids be around such a person. Good luck! SOme people are just mean and get their kicks out of making other people feel bad. Stay far away from these people, even if they are family! They need to learn this is not appropriate.

jazmin

screw him. he probably does not like you. so dont let him ruin your life and childrens life. demand him to stop or he will never stop.

RedRabbit

You are doing the right thing. Tell your husband that if he continues his behavior towards your children too, you will make sure that his father is never allowed to see them again because they come first. Your husband needs to tell his father to knock it off and put his foot down before he looses everyone.

pappysgotitgoinon

Personally I believe that you are doing the right thing. Also I believe that your husband needs help also. If he isn't man enough to stand up for his own wife, then what is he good for?

Nightstalker

You made the right decision not to see him anymore until your husband has the balls to stand up for himself and you. How can any man let anyone call his wife names. This is inappropriate behaviour he is your husbands father so let your husband deal with him

Brandie H

I say...don't talk to him. You don't need that abuse and if your husband can't/won't tell him to back off of you then you are doing the right thing.

Nita and Michael

Sounds aweful, i can't beleive your hubby doesn't stand up for you, maybe he is scared of his father, no i don't think it's wrong you chose not to see him anymore...who would want to be around someone who treats you like that, i wouldn't father in law, or not....you really need to sit down and talk this out with your husband and get him to explain why he doesn't think this is wrong...he should be by your side, sticking up for you when his dad does this...tell him how you feel and ask him why.....tell him you want this to work but why can't he realize this is wrong of his dad to treat you like this...

brittany

Well im sorry to hear about your situation. In-laws can deffinently be annoying and difficult to deal with. Your doing the right thing by saying that you won't see him. Do you let him see your children? And if you do, make sure your husband is with them so that your father in-law doesn't do anything. If you and your husband, or just your husband thinks it's wrong to do that, and never see him or talk to him again, then you should tell your husband to man up and deffend you, he married you, not your father. So your the one that comes first and if his father is doing something that you don't like, you do the right thing for you. Best wishes.

shop2early

You should not have to take that from anyone, including your Father in law. I don't understand, why your Husband, won't speak up to his Dad, allowing him to disrespect you like that.

I would not continue to see my Father in law. I Know if this was happening to me. I would be thinking twice about continuing in a marriage, with a man that won't even speak up me. He seems to be more concern about his Dad, and his feelings, than yours. You married him, not his Dad, and he should be the one to tell his Dad, not to talk or disrespect you in anyway. Don't take it anymore.

Good Luck.

Sweet Suzy 777!

You have every right to not be abused by your husband's father. He should be ashamed of himself. Your husband has no courage if he allows that to go on.

I wouldn't go around him at all either. You are an adult and you don't need anyone being mean to you or your kids.

You can tell your father in law that you will not be around him any longer because of his abuse to you and your kids. Stand up for yourself. You are in the right. You don't have to put up with that kind of treatment from anyone. Your husband can go be abused by him, I wouldn't even let him in your house either. Tell him to stay out and away from you and the kids.

CH47-C

Your husband is a wimp. leave them both.

GooGoo18

Been there, done that, and you are riding on a screaming, brakeless freight train for divorce. This situation is going to kill your marriage, unless your husband has the guts to put dear-daddy in his place.

In my family, once you got married, THAT was your family... your husband, your children. You never put your birth family aside, but they became second on the priority list. My mom and dad were fine with this, maybe because they had a happy union themselves and didn't feel the need to keep controlling their adult children?

I could tell you horror stories (which you'd barely believe, but all true) about my ex-husband's late dad!! I have a forgiving nature and chalked alot of it up to "coming from the old country", but in the end there was no excuse for the abuse, nor was there an excuse for my ex's refusal to defend me, HIS WIFE!!

So, my best advice is to lay down the law with your husband: either he stops being Mr. Wussy-boy with his dad and sticks up for you, or you file divorce papers pronto.

marilynfsmgm

you are to be 1st in your husbands eyes ,and him not stopping his dad is wrong.i would no longer see the man either. and i would tell my husband when he can get a back bone and stand up for me then ill go back around him,until then,no way.

Bird Lady

Your father inlaw has issues. Because my ex-father inlaw did me the same way. After I told him one day that I will not be treated that way by him. He looked at my ex-husband and said are you going to let her say that to me. He didn't say a word and walked away. But I told my ex I've had enough. I will not disrespected in of my children anymore. You just tell your husband that he needs to talk his Dad. Because he should stand up for you and he knows that......

Wiser1

Your husband is a weenie. He needs to grow some balls and tell his father that you are his wife and he LOVES you. He needs to say that he would like his father to show respect towards you and be civil to you FOR HIM. If he can't do this, he should find another job. Your husband is showing disrespect for YOU by allowing his father to treat you this way. He is setting a very bad example for his children.

freinds F

I wouldnt hang with the father in law AT ALL EVER n id dump your husband for not sticking up for yo. you dont desrve that ****.

angelzwings20032001

Your husband will not stand for you. You need to stand for yourself. If that means losing a husband that obviously doesn't care what dear old dad is saying to his wife or kids. I would lose the husband and his daddy. Period.

mishoney

seems like you have landed yourself in a family with a father that thinks negartive of anything you and your children and thats not good for you are your children. maybe you should let your husband be his sounding board and stay clear of this man he is sick and need help no one deserves to be treated the way he do you and your children. these kinds of men keep other self esteem down because they do not feel good about themselves. what makes it even worse the children and you might have to take care of him one day who knows what will happen when he will really need you all and after doing you so bad i have seen it happen many times

starrrrgazer

Stay away from him at all costs.

melouofs

Your husband's first responsibility is to you. He must speak up to him...what's his mother say about all of this? And, my goodness, what kiond of husband is he that allows his wife to be moved to tears and he says NOTHING? Pitiful excuse for a man, I am sorry. I would be firm that I would not spend one more second in that man's presense and just wait for the holidays to roll around...I hope everyone is uncomfortable--as uncomfortable as you are when your FIL opens his fat mouth. If he calls or starts trash, flat out tell him his behavior is unacceptable, and you're no longer going to subject yourself to it. He can harrass someone else, but his days of running you down have passed.

~*LilDebbie=BigDeborah*~

You need to stand up for yourself!! Your father in law sounds like a miserable old man who has control freak issues and then only way to have control over someone is to control them through verbal abuse and manipulation. Your father in law is just that.. YOUR FATHER IN LAW!! He is NOT your damn daddy and I am sure that even your own father would not do such a thing. You need to sit down with your father in law and let him know how this makes you feel and if that does not work, let me give you a few pointers.

1. The next time he makes jokes about you being fat, tell him that you may be fat, but he will be narcissistic and ugly forver.
2. Whe he tells you you are a bad mom, point out the fact that his pu$$y of a son can't even defend his own wife when she is beiong belittled. He did not raise a man that can stand up for himself, so who the hell is he to talk about paretning?
3. STOP GOING AROUND HIM. If your husband and his dad have a good relationship, then NOTHING you do is going to change that. Forget about the relationship, what about your self esteem and mental well being??

Girlfriend, since your husband is too much of a coward to defend you, stand up for yourself. If YOU MUST be around him for the sake of the kids and talking to him like and adult does not work, ignore him and keep your head high. Laugh off his comments and DO NOT CRY. That allows him the power he has over you!!

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: