My fianc'e doesn't want Children?

Thomasina

You need to decide what is more important to you. You may not fall in love again and get married for 10 years. Your boyfriend may change his mind in a few years. There are so many ways this could turn out, I say get married if you are truly in love.

nursecracker

if you are marrying someone, it's always a good idea to KNOW what the person is all about BEFORE accepting an engagement proposal.

as a couple, you should have already discussed children, morals and ethics, finances, goals and plans....

this is why people cancel weddings or worse, divorce eventually... they have no idea WHO they are marrying.

Tia

Two things. First off you have to have a serious talk with him and maybe trying to compromise the time fram instead of 10 years what about 5-7? If he is standing firm on his time frame you really need to look deep into your soul of what you really want to have kids. But dont lie to yourself because of the impending wedding. It's better that you cancel the wedding now and suffer the loss then to pretend like you are happy when u r not. Good Luck!!!

m k

This is something you guys should've dicussed before you planned marriage. 36 is still "in the range" but if you want kids sooner you might need to start fresh.

MissingInAction

Its simple. Cancel the wedding. How could you expect it to work out. I smell a divorce.

De'ville

You are taking a big chance both personally and biologically. You may want to rethink your wedding before you are married and have to divorce because of this. Even if you were willing to wait the ten years, well, accidents do happen. How will you handle that?

eehco

Whoa! Talk to him again and see if you can negotiate a happy medium that you both can live with. The kid issue can definitely be a deal breaker. You pretty much have to be on the exact same page when it comes to this. While you're at it, make sure you agree on money, religion, and what marriage means to you. It will come up again and become an even bigger issue once you are married.

bronzebabekentucky

you need to decide if you love him enough to wait to have kids... he doesnt want any for 10 years

Starla_C

If you want children and he does not, that is a big enough issue to cancel the wedding and find someone who is more like minded.

Christi D

Yes, I would definitely put things on hold if you both feel so differently about having kids. You will likely regret it later if you wait. The older you are when you start trying to conceive the harder it becomes. Not saying that you won't be able to, but it will be harder. Maybe you can still talk it out...especially if you tell him to put the wedding on hold until you can both come to an agreement. I wish you the best.

Haiti Cherie

hmm... that's pretty serious. if you have not done so already, you should consider pre-marital counseling so that you can sort out your differences. was he serious when he said this?

cfalways

Well, if you don't want to wait that long to have children then it would be fair to you and your fiance to call off the wedding and to break up. it would be unfair to him if you go ahead and chose to have children and it would be unfair to you to wait. but if you don't want to wait that long to have children then there is only one other thing to do.... it's better to have this discussion now before you do walk down the asile and find out later on. personally i think that it's a good idea to wait before having children. that gives you plenty of time to enjoy each other's company before children arrive. because once they arrive, your time (and privacy) will no longer be your own for the following 18+ years.

Joyann R

10 years?????? I could understand if he said 2 years but ten is rediculous. After a certain age women have problems with child bearing etc. The younger you have the child the better. What are his resons for not wanting a child? Are your finances in order I really cant think what would be the reason for wating ten years.

Lydia

If you do want kids, cancel the wedding. No sense trying to change his mind. It would be really wrong, for both of you, for you two to marry in this instance. Sorry, it'll be tough, but you should have already had this talk WELL before you got engaged!

suzlaa1971

Hmmm...I'm curious to find out why he waited until now to mention something that important. I would ask him about it as far as why he chooses not to have kids and why he's waited until now to tell you. Maybe he's insecure about the whole fatherly thing (which you have to have a child to get the hang of it) . It could be financial reasons or timing...it's very hard to say w/o knowing him and the entire situation. I would ask; and if things seem to be amiss, you may have to make a tough decision. Before getting married things to discuss that are always important are; family matters, religion, politics, morlas, money. But I'm sure you know these things already. Best wishes!!

Crash

Man's perspective: Talk to him about it calmly and honestly. Ten years for you may be longer than you want to wait, but not physically to long for you to still have kids. Personally, I let my wife push me, or rather talk me into, having kids before I wanted them. Yes. I love my kids dearly, but I can also tell you that I resented the living hell out of her for making me feel pushed into it. Do yourself a favor and don't force kids on him if he's not ready. It's not fair to you or him.

Lisa B

Well do you want children because if you do then you should talk to him about it.
Then make sure that you guys are really ready to get married.
If its one of your dreams to have children then you need a man who is interested in the same things as you.
Honestly ask your self if this is what you want when it comes down to it all maybe you will find your answer there!

heart break

If you want children don't marry him let go the Bible say
be fruitful and multiple when you get married.CANCEL HIM AND THE WEDDING. TELL HIM GOOD BYE CAUSE YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN. 3yrs should be the longest to
wait to get your house in order.

Kitty

If you want kids soon, then he is not the guy you should be marrying. He is obviously not ready to have a full-blown family - and there's nothing wrong with that, it's just he might be ready in 2 years, in 5 years, in 10 years, or he might never be "ready". Is this gamble worth it to you? If having kids is very important to you, it would be wise to find a person who is ready to have them. There's nothing wrong with waiting a couple of years after getting married - but the "readyness" should really to be there from the get-go.

tiuliucci

The two of you need to sit down and discuss what you both want. Tell him that you want children sooner than ten years out, but work it out with him. These are things that you should have discussed before getting engaged. Do not assume that the two of you want the same things.

You should discuss how you want to live and where. Discuss how many children you might have. Work out your expected finances. Then you can decide if marriage is right for the two of you.

If you cannot work it out, then you definitely want to call off the wedding.

Take care and Good Luck,
Troy

Debbie D

Maybe this was something you should have discussed BEFORE getting engaged, hmm? You need to have a serious talk with him ASAP. A matter this serious needs to be resolved before any wedding takes place. If you two are not on the same page regarding children, I would cancel the wedding. Not being in agreement on starting a family is a recipe for divorce. Why set yourself up for that?

Tiss

That would be a deal-breaker for me. What ever you do, don't go ahead and marry him, hoping he will change his mind, or planning on "accidentally" getting pregnant. This is really something that should have been discussed before you got this far in the wedding planning. How well do you really know him? Good luck!

olderbutwiser

If you want kids before he does, and you can't reach a compromise that works for both of you, then you need to cancel this wedding.

Sexxylexi

I am 25 and have an almost 2 year old. My personal OPINION is that you do wait, don't call off the marriage for him wanting to wait. Come to a median-that is what marriage is about- compromise. If he wants kids in 10 years and you want kids now then have them in 5 years. My daughter is the utmost important thing, person, and everything to me in this world but it is also very very scary raising a child. I can't turn on the news today without hearing that the man who kidnapped, RAPED, and buried alive a 9 year old girl might be getting a lesser sentence because of insanity. My Fiance wants more kids but because this world creeps me out and scares me to raise my child in it I've told him NO MORE! Don't get me wrong a child is a beautiful thing and it's like no other experience giving birth but just take your time and stop thinking about what YOU want and realize there are other things going on in this world that you have to take into consideration. Also, since you are engaged now it is up to the both of you to have a child. Good Luck and I hope what is best works out for you.

Alyssa Macey

You are lucky that he was honest with you and you can cancel it now. My husband did not tell me that until we were together for 6 years. This is really sad now, don't you think? So, take it from me - find out what is the rationale behind 10 years and if it does not what you want - call off the wedding. Look at me now - this is where you could end up too. Hope not!

bina64davis

This will certainly cause problems if you don't come to an agreement before the wedding, and if he insists on waiting, and you don't want to, I'm sorry, but I feel you should cancel the wedding. BUT, don't let him say, "Okay, we can have kids", because he may just be saying that to get you to marry him.

I am so sorry. This must be tearing you up.

Trollslanda

I guess it boils down to which consequence can you live with the best, without suffering through regret the rest of your life: never having kids or not being with the one you love. Marriage is about compromise, which means you have to give up on some things you want, but kids are a BIG deal, so I think it's out of the area of compromise and actually in a personal priority area.

The older you get, the more complicated pregnancy can get. And you have to factor in the amount of time it may take you to get pregnant--for some women, it takes years of trying. However, there have been many older women who have successfully gotten pregnant and had healthy kids.

Another thing to consider, and you should ask your fiance this, is how old do you want to be when your kids are in high school or in college? If you have your first kid when you are 36, you will be 54 when your kid's graduating high school and off to college. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not for you, because it depends on how you view age and what you may be capable of doing at that age and what your financial goals are in life. Just something else to think about...

Pinkee

A very good friend of mine got married even though she did not want kids and her husband wanted at least 2! Needless to say they fought about that constantly (after the agreed term of two years marr.) and ended up divorced. She just didn't want any kids and he did. All I have to say is if he is giving you a 10 time frame..it might not be good. I would sit down with him and have a serious conversation about your feelings and his. Then decided weather you belong together. Good Luck!

jimmy.parker06

talk to him try to agree somewhere in the middle like 5 years instead of 10.

Curly

You two need to sit down and have a serious discussion. If he is completely opposed to kids that is one thing, but he gave you 10 years? See if he will compromise five years...what is his thought behind waiting until his late 30's? There has to be some negotiation in his demeanor or else you two will not be compatible.

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