My fiance lives w/ me should he help pay the bills even though he's in debt?

Been There Done That

He is a mooch!!!! Hello - some women are dumb.

wizjp

do you think anything is going to change in the next year?

Ahwell

Do not marry this man!

Kelly S

u better find a new man

Snowflake

OOOH! This really should be resolved before the wedding. Could be a source of disagreements later on. I think he should be taking care of you....not the other way around.

angel2005_2001

Think about it before you marry him....

david s

How can a REAL MAN not work and support his wife and household. Your going into this marriage with someone you will need to take care of!? Iwouldnt get married if he has bad credit it will effect you too good luck peace

sheloves_dablues

Of course he should be paying half. He's incurring half...

Take heed of the situation - if he's not helping out now, what makes you think he's going to help out in the future?

His debt is his responsibility, and you should not be covering him for years on end because he's not taking it seriously.

cynthgzmn

that is not a man that is a boy that knows no responsibility, and i know it hurts but you cannot live out of love or eat put out love you need money and personal experience they do not change they keep relying on you for everything leave him and get a real man

Jay

You have a deeper issues than you think. One: you and he don't agree on money issues. This can create some real issues during the marriage. Do NOT get married until you've had some serious talks and both of you agree.

Two: Once you're married, he will become a legal problem for you. If you get divorced, you could end up losing a lot of money to him.

OK, but to answer your original question: he's mooching off of you. It may be a fact that he can't afford more, but he's benefiting from you supporting him. If you aren't willing to commit to support him indefinitely, then postpone the wedding until you are.

olderwiser100

uh, he not living with you. he is living off you. and you want to marry him?? trust me, marriage isn't going to make this better. a true relationship involves two people. yours involves only you. kick his worthless butt out the door.

been_there_done_that

Of course he should help. And you should not marry him with that much debt, because then it becomes your debt. If it were me, I would postpone the wedding until he is more stable and financially responsible. It might not hurt for him to get a better job, either.

FlyingScooter

I hate to say this, but I can't imagine this getting any better once you get married.

Sounds to me like you're getting cold feet and with good reason. After about three years, the 'honeymoon period' has worn off and you're seeing him as he actually is.

Always good to see this before the marriage.

I wish for you the best.

3595

They're his debts, they should have nothing to do with you. You shouldn't be paying for him. Don't let him drag you down.

Tarah P.

i have a very close relative in the same situation, and i say yes. Ofcourse he should be helping, if he was not living with (off) you he would have to live by himself so it does not matter if he is in debt. Bills are apart of life, everybody is in some sort of debt but we still pay our bills. And to be honest he could be using this as a way to say "maybe we should hold off on the wedding......until i can afford it". He has it GOOD if I were him i would love for it to stay that way, and thats exactly what he wants. You should wonder if his actions speak for his character!!!!
You deserve better DO NOT believe the lie that love is enough, the most common reason in America for divorce are FINANCIAL REASONS!!!

robotaunomous

This is not the question you should be asking.

You have been living together for three years and nothing has changed.

Bottom line is that he is not going to change and you are dreaming if you think things will change after he gets rid of his debt.... If ever.

Your question only you can answer.

"Am I ok with living like this forever?"

Grant Ray came on 12/8/08!

He's a Mucher! You've been putting up with it for 3 years now and now you're going to marry this guy! If you think you are going to be able to change this guy now, you are completely crazy, he knows that he can live with you scott free!

bmwfreak36

No, he shouldnt pay for half because you should kick his *** out and not marry him. i think in a situation like that its a fifty fifty split. if you think about it, he spends more than half the money and pays less than half the bills. seems like a lose lose situation for you. it sounds like he will drag you down with him as soon as you take his last name. not a good idea!

Wendy Jean

and you are still engaged to him? I am sorry, he is a loser. I understand he has debt, but why can't he get a job that pays more, has regular hours and has some benefits. He should be contributing to the bills. Does he use the tv, phone, water....? He should be helping out. And not saving up for your wedding? there would be no wedding if I was you, he would be out on his own, growing up like he needs to.

WooleyBooley again

Hahaha! When will you women get with it ! He'll never change! He 's got you paying bills, so why should he? You realize he's got it made. Oh wait. You can't see that. Better get your shite together.

Hear this -HE WON'T EVER CHANGE WHILE YOU PAY !!!

Your a female sugar daddy.

Have you ever thought of the fact if you get pregnant? YOU WANT TO HAVE THE BABY IN A HOMELESS SHELTER ? He won't care.

jlynp84

Yes, he should definitely help even though he is in debt. If he has been promising to help for months, and even years, but has done nothing, you can bet that he will only continue down this path for as long as he can. You're a free ride. Tell him to get his rear in gear, start helping with the bills, or call off the wedding and kick him out.

Put your foot down. You obviously love him, but you deserve someone who won't take advantage of you.

doodlesfl

Run the other way. Sounds like a lazy mooch! And a lot of heartache and arguements over your married life. What happens if you have kids and you want to stay home to raise them?If he gets laid off over the winter, he needs to do what every other road worker does and either shovel snow or get a pizza delivery job. Or go back to school and get a degree.
What are you his mother?

just me

You are letting him off to easy. He need to pay more. Nothing will change. He needs some kind of job on his off season. anything! I would try to monitor his spending without his knowing it. He sounds irresponsible.

imagine0218

And you're still with him? That would SO not fly with me! My husband split the bills with me when we were STILL DATING and didn't have a job. Your husband to be sounds like a free loader and I doubt that will change once you're married. I don't know about you, but regardless whether or not your married, he still lives there and should contribute SOMETHING other than half the grocery bills. I'd think twice about getting a joint checking account if you actually get married. Chances are he'll probably get further in debt and spend YOUR money

lulu

If he's contributing to the bills, he should help pay them..

Breezelyn

First, I would wait to get married. It's not good to marry someone in debt because then their responsibility becomes yours as well, you inherit the debt. & what kind of man is this. If he has a roof over his head, uses the water & appliances, he better start coughing up some cash. Imagine what life will be like once you're married.

Joe J

He needs to know that you are not going to supply for him. Tell him he either needs to become a man and start accepting the responsibility of a marriage-to-be or he can get his stuff and get out. It's that simple. You deserve better!!!

rodriguez m

he sounds like a loser, get rid of him now because when you are married, you will still have the same problems ( money problems ) that is the biggest cause of divorce in this generation. leave now you will not be happy.

blonde.bombshell41

Wow! He must really be good in bed!

sarlha

I realize you love your fiance. But, your frustration is only going to get worse. You already have some resentment - that too will only get worse.

He must be responsible to pay for his share of living. It is not fair that you shoulder the entire burden. He has gotten away with you supporting him until now, and he will continue the trend as long as you don't put your foot down.

BEFORE you get married, and I would suggest today, you need to print out a budget of all monthly household and living expenses. You need to decide how much you are willing to contribute, how much you expect him to contribute, and you two can negotiate from there.

For example, I give my husband $1058.00 each month. This is my monthly household contribution (which is less than 1/2 the bills). He pays for everything else beyond that amount. That includes: electricity, landline, cell phone, cable, internet, groceries, rent, car payment, car insurance, water, gas, daycare, etc.

I have to recommend that you do not get married until you have worked out your financial details and he is contributing solidly. If he gets laid off over the winter and doesn't work when it rains, I can only assume he is in construction. He either needs to find a new line of work, or he needs to get a 2nd job to cover his time when he is can not work. He has it easy now, he isn't going to want to change, so it will be up to you to tell him what you need and no longer give him that freedom.

Another way to do that is to tell him that he has to either get direct deposit or give you the checks, then he can get an agreed upon allowance per pay check.

Good luck!

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