My fiancee was out all night, should I be upset?
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My fiancee was out all night, should I be upset?
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Ok, so here are the details of the night in question. My fiancée told me that day that she’d be going out to dinner with her girlfriends, and I told her to make sure she takes extra money in case they stay out and go to the club and what not. She said, “nah I’m not worried about that, I don’t even feel like staying out past dinner”. And I told her to feel free (like usual) to hit the clubs afterwards if she wanted and that I’d just have a nice night in doing my own thing, watching movies or whatever. So she’s leaving about 8:00pm and I told her once more, “you gonna hit the clubs afterward? I know you could use some time out with your friends....” For one, she enjoys going out with them and drinking, and secondly she hasn’t gone out for a few months now, which is not like her. She said once more assuredly, “I’ll be coming home after dinner, I don’t feel like getting into all that drama with the girls.”
So, the next call I get was about 10:30pm and she said she was having a good time and they decided to stay out and hit a couple bars, I said “cool, enjoy yourself!” The next call I get is when I’m just about asleep @ about 1:30am, she said she would be home shortly. I then fell asleep comforted, thinking I’d wake up with her next to me before morning…….
Next call wakes me up @ 5:30am !!!! She says she’s fallen asleep at her girlfriend’s house and that she’ll be home in an hour. The call woke me up so I was a bit groggy and it took a while for it to sink in, it took until a few moments after the call; after we’d hung up. So I then try and call her back ‘cause now I’m kinda freakin out……no answer, no answer. I called & texted every few minutes until 6:30am when she finally answered for once!!! She said she’s still sleeping and that she’ll “be home soon”. By this time I’m really freakin out, everything’s occurring to me that I try not to let bother me. One of the girlfriends she’s with openly cheats on her husband regularly (which I've seriously tried not to have a problem with up to this point), the other friend is single without a care in the world. All this is starting to get to me at this point. Then she walks in @ 7:30am just like nothing ever happened and wanted me to leave her alone so she could sleep.
She’s never done anything like this, EVER. All she’s ever done is go out with her gf’s and they usually “close the clubs down” until about 1:30 or 2:00 am, that’s when they close around here. So for days I’m just really upset about this and every time I bring it up she just freakin LOSES IT on me. Saying that it was justified because she “drank too much and her ride left too early so she had to stay at her friend’s house and sleep it off so she could drive safely”. And I asked “so it wasn’t your fault that you drank “too much, too late” right? And she would just get more upset. I told her that if she wants to be married to me, this can not happen again. She accuses me of being controlling and that I’m “forcing her to stay home” I continually maintained that I’m not forcing her to do anything, all I’m saying is that if she wants to stay out all night it’s up to her, it just won’t be with me……
Was this something I should have gotten upset about?
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Javier169
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these are all guilty reactions...she needs to look at what she did and how it affected your feelings...but she is too selfish to do this because she feels guilty.
These are just the beggining birth pains bro...my ex was the same way when she would go out....say shed be right back...right back was later...then even later...then even later....one time she came home so late but fell asleep in my daughters room when she came home so I could not see what time it was that she came back...(i would have woken up to her lying down in bed)
Well in the end...I am now a dicorced single father to our 3 kids after I found out about ehr affairs.
be careful bro...like I said this is just the beggining...you have every right to be worried...and I would question this relationship now before you fall deeper into it |
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Ontheotherhand
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Being engaged doesn't mean a person shouldn't do things with friends. But, an engaged person has no business hitting clubs or bars all night. For darn sure, it seems odd that when she called at 5:30 telling you she'd be home soon- and then NOT answer her phone when you called right after her call; IS a red flag. When she did get home, she wanted you to leave her alone so she could sleep. Why? Didn't she sleep from around 2a m until about 6:30? I'm truly sorry, but I suspect something happened that night. Not necessarily cheating, but SOMETHING. She might have just gone out for breakfast with the women she went to the bar with, or perhaps some guys went with them. I also feel that her accusationss that you are controlling" are just an effort to shift blame and fault from her actions, to your reactions to her actions. I recommend you give a LOT of thought to IF she did anything truly wrong that night, and IF her engagement to you means to her that she is to not supposed to be playing with other guys she meets in bars. |
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Lela A
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at least a phone call to say 'I'm staying out later than I first thought".. |
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Badkitty
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Yes, you have a right to be upset and your ultimatum is not out of line. "If you want to stay out all night fine just not with me...." I agree, and I am sure if the situation were reversed she would be upset as well. Her behavior was unacceptable (even if it was completely innocent) and you making that clear to her now is the right way to handle it BEFORE marriage. |
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deborah g
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I think you were justified. She should have apologized and let you know that it wouldn't happen again.
I don't think you sounds controlling...I wouldn't want to marry someone that stayed out all night and didn't come home when they said they would! |
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Anthony
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To make it simple, I would be very concerned as to the relationship being a long-lasting one.
Do you think you have the ability to move on?
Anthony |
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Kay
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You sound like a very understanding guy who is not bothered when she goes out with girlfriends and have a good time. You also sound very trusting and in NO WAY do you sound controlling. You have a valid reason to be concern and question her since her behavior sounds like it was totally out of character for her. She stayed out longer than usual and then she gets upset when you ask her what happened. Something happen she does not want you to know about if she is getting upset and defensive whenever you ask her about it. You sound like an understanding guy, if she had had too much to drink, why did she not call you to come and pick her up and bring her home. You have had 3 years together and are now engage, but based on what you said I would be feeling hesitant about marriage after that one night. It may be just me, but I think something is up. Maybe she is getting cold feet or something. Proceed with caution from now on my friend. |
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rooney
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That's what you get for practically pushing her to go to bars and party all night, you never specified/agreed on when you expect her home or anything anyway. I must admit I would feel the same way as you though, but it may not be so justified - you should know before asking her to marry you that this is how she is. She fell a sleep because she got so wasted, it happens if you are that type of person. Whether she's involved in suspiscious activity or not you must keep in mind you are marrying an irresponsible woman who doesn't think of the consequences of what she does, oh and I'm married to one of those people and they will never change!
btw - it's really not smart for a woman to get drunk out at bars and put her in a position where someone could take advantage of her, really not safe. |
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Clementine
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You are being paranoid. I think. You said that she wasn't out for a few months, she got together with her girlfriends, and had a great time, and then crashed at her house. What's the big deal? It's not like I do that, but I have done it, and probably will, and you cannot always plan a girls night out, because it can change as you go. she kept calling you all night, not like she just went out and showed up at 7:30am and never called you. Let it go. |
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Realistic
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Get out now and let her find someone who she'll love enough to share her free time with. No lady goes to the bars without her man and stays out all night. Skank. Bet you if you did that, she'd boot you out quickly. |
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