My husband (US NAVY) wants a divorce, what do I do?

tc_an_american

I feel for you and your child, You need to seek consoling from the navy and does his chain of command know what he is doing? Co's XO's and his Division Offices should know about this, It could pose a problem on board the ship and they would not want this. They will seek resources to assist you and your child. You will be taken care of, If he thinks he is broke now wait till he is divorced....
Good Luck Hun, Hope it works out for you, and not all guys are the same....

They Love ME.........

Girl, First off stop cleaning/cooking for his selfish A_S_S, when you get the divorce papers contest it, go to court, and request spousal and child support. You dont need to hire no attorney.

winona e

He doesn't realize that even if he gets a divorce, the bills will still need to be paid. He needs to grow up. Get out, do better for yourself, go to school. No sense hanging to something that is not there. Good Luck.

Brittanie M

I do understand why you feel the way you do, from reading your story. Let me say I feel your pain, and I am glad I have a little advice that might help. Try to call some of your family in Texas and see if they could keep your son for a while if you trust them. I think you should do this because it might be a good idea to go back to school. You can get through this, I know you can, you just have to believe. If you love your husband, and if he still has a little love for you in his heart, show him that you are worth keeping. I know you care about your son and you want what's best for him overall. Believe me, he would want his father to be with him, to see his face everyday and think to himself, " Wow, what a dad I have." It's no fun being a child going from house to house as a child. If you don't think you have the money to go back to college or you can't get a loan, you may have to apply for a job at a clothing store or as a table waitress at Olive garden or Red Lobster, but either way it goes, you definitely have to start looking for a job As Soon As Possible. You definitely haveto support your son, he's number one through out all of this. Also, you said that your husband wanted a divorce in December. Well, believe it or not, you still have time to earn him back if you love him and most importantly if he is a good and faithful man. And it won't make you look bad in court to say that you still are taking care of him. Forget what other people think, because girl, you are fighting for your marriage; you are fighting to keep this together, to keep a stable home enviornment for your son, so how can they call you crazy if they are just looking from the outside? But also, don't feel useless, because if anybody needs to have faith in you it's you, and you will make it through all of this. Go to church and pray everynight, because God will definitely see you through. I hope I have been a help to you. Good Luck.

WISHFUL THINKER

He sounds childish and it seems you both have the focus of money instead solutions to save your marriage and fix things. Money is a tough issue but what happened to being together through the tough times. If he's military there are free education options for you to take. Help with child care as well. There are financial resources to help pay off bills, loans,grants its all out there. You just have to commit to looking for them and work hard to get them. Hopefully together.

paul w

you've talked to a navy legal officer, now try talking to a navy chaplain. ask about martial counseling services that may be available to you both.

one thing for sure, a broke couple with an 18 month old baby will be even broker if they're legally separated or divorced. it really is true that two can live more cheaply than one.

sure, a navy man can transfer to a ship and get a berth and meals (three hots and a cot, it used to be called) but if he sees his friends with money to go out and an expensive car from a reup bonus, he's kidding himself if he thinks he can get there through a divorce. you and the baby will get most of his available pay, and through an allotment, to boot.

a final thought, after lots of years, I learned "you've got to own your own stuff" - meaning, you need to take a look at yourself and ask, why did I get married 5 years ago and why should we stay married now? when you try marriage counseling, and I hope you do, ask your therapist about this.

is there navy-subsidized daycare you can use to get a job, even part-time? is there work you can do with your child along (some kinds of driving jobs allow this). can you bring in some more money into the family, or just for yourself, to prove you have worth (of course, you do, and so does your husband) and options (more than you probably think you have now).

you both are in a tough situation and I wish you both (and your baby) lots of luck.

Torque

Just get somebody else!

linda

Talk to your parents and I am sure they will help you out... to make the move back to Texas. Things have a way of working themself out. Your family would be angry to know the reason for his wanting a divorce.

First of all transfer all the bills in HIS name only then move out.

A selfish man that wants a divorce so he can buy himself things doesn't realize that he has a good woman and doesn't deserve her! You can do a LOT better... good luck!

crazy lady

Your last sentence was the cincher! In any relationship you shouldn't be dependent on each other. Get the divorce if he wants it, you cant make him stay married, happily married anyway, You can make it on your own, they have govt funded programs for women in the same situation as you. They will pay for you to go to school,buy food and help you with housing. When you get a degree you can then take care of yourself, so when you meet a good man you can go into the relationship as an equal and things will be OK. I did it and I just had to get my daughter set up with help recently. She has two small boys 3 and 1, she starts college in august, she has daycare paid for, she gets food-stamps,and she will be able to take care of herself and the kids when she graduates. They help you to become self sufficient, Don't be ashamed to ask for help as long as you are trying to help yourself, you can do it, I have faith in you! Just do it!!!!!!!!!!!!

pamspraises

Tell him California is a community property state and that its'
"cheaper to keep her".

chasitee

i think that maybe you should believe in yourself a little more i also think that there are only two reasons you are still with him 1.) because of your child and 2.) because you lean on him for support and think that you can't make it on your own. trust me it is going to be a long hard road but, it looks like you have no choice but, to take it maybe someday you will find someone who will love you for everything you do and will also love your child you don't want your child to grow up and think it is alright to stay with someone and be unhappy i think that in your heart you know what has to be done just remember to not be selfish and remember the most important thing is that you and your child are happy. good luck :)

Oh man, I know exactly how you feel. I used to live in San Diego about 8 years ago, I moved to Tn because the cost of living is better. For your bills, do you have too many credit cards? Consider filing bankruptcy if that will help or some other credit counseling thing. If nothing is in your name, don't include your name since this may not be the reason he wants a divorce. He may just want to live the single life. Divorce doesn't cost much if you petition it with the court without an attorney, if you agree to everything. In Californai, you have to go through some counseling because you have a child together. Okay, here is the part you want to hear, stop cooking, stop cleaning, stop doing anything for him, just for you, if he says he wants a divorce, let him know what it feels like to be alone. Oh, do you guys get out of the house at all? Together I mean, like hang out with friends, maybe go to the beach, maybe visit Tijuana during the day, it is perfectly safe to eat down there, especially in Rosarito. Do something fun that doesn't require alot of money, Mexico is cheap. Just get out of your routine. Oh, and you don't have to go on strike to get the point across, just go with what your heart says, but don't try to please him too much, he may see this as desperation. Good Luck and I am sorry I cannot tell you more, you did not say whether or not he is mean to you or if you have a good relationship besides the money issues. Ask the chaplain for marriage counseling. Oh and if he says he wants a divorce so that he can buy stuff for him, then he is not thinking of his family like he should be. I think he is being very selfish, a man should put his family first, I do, and I am not even a man. The Navy will make him take care of you, so don't worry, move back to Texas and start over you can get help with daycare and such

ladybug

Give him a divorce if that is what he want ,you can get finance assist until you get on your feet and get a job.There are programs that will pay you to go back to school.Thank God you only have 1 child .You can do it.

chilly_dogs

If that's what he really wants, then there's really no choice but leave. I was in the Navy, and I can somewhat understand the strain that it can put in a marriage with the long deployments, finanacial burdens, etc. With your situation, I say focus on yourself and your child, and let him be. Find some support from friends and family members. Whether it takes you back home or what not, your friends and family can help you get back on your feet.

margarita

He seems really selfish. You should take the baby and move back to Texas with your family. At least you'll get the support (emotional and financial) you need. Also, stop taking care of him. He's a big boy and will have to learn to fend for himself once you're gone anyway. Best of luck to you!

hotguy24ca

give the man what he wants. he must have someone else in his life that makes him happier.

mdrieber00013

well, your in a bad situation..... i dont think it will look to bad in court, as long as they know why your still there. i dont see why it would. and, you might need to get a hold of some money, go back with your parents, live with them for a while till you get a job and can support yourself again. but, you might be able to come up with the money for whatever you need to get home from court, i really dont know though.... best of luck

>>||<<

I am a former military spouse that was in the same situation with three kids. I didn't work most of the 18 years that I was married. They will garnish the money from him weather he likes it or not. There are other means of temporary support that you can get through welfare assistance. I went to college and was taking care of myself. You can do it to. You will be much happier.

vze4h35z@verizon.net

Where hes in the service, whatever a judgement is, they will make sure you get it.Bills would be split down the middle or whoever made the bill.

wmp55

Get the best lawyer you can possibly afford.

charlesjerrell

give him one, there are other people who would love to have some one like you, im sorry you have to go through this, its boys like him, cause hes not a man or he would take care of you and his child, that give the rest of us men a bad name, good luck sweetie

sweetdreamin96

In the military you husband has to pay you BAH or 200 per dependant. Base legal doesn't like to tell you this, he has to pay this regardless of any other bills if there is NO SEPERATION AGREEMENT. My x is a marine and I too was a stay at home mom of two kids. He has to pay support and spousal support no matter if he could pay his "bills". We had to split the bills 50/50. I know you don't want to hear it but your going to have to get a job, stay with your parents until you can get enough money stashed to get you into an apartment. If you have any more questions, email me. I have been there and I know what its like to struggle. There are programs out there that will make daycare cheap so that you can work and also food stamp programs to help with food. Good Luck!

yogazen

Well, I personally wouldn't WANT to stay with someone who didn't want to be with me. If he wants out, you should respect yourself and move on with your life. If you have to move in with family for a while to get on your feet, do it! He has to pay child support and that money will come out of his check before he even sees it if need be!!! Since he wants the divorce, he should pay for all legal fees and pay to move you and your son to Texas. It will be hard, but many woman have made it and you will too. Chances are, once you are back in Texas and he sees that he not only has to pay you child support, but also his own bills and those accumulated in the marriage, plus cook and clean for himself, he'll regret his decision!

JOLIE69

oH man...honey...i feel so bad...i'm sorry...just try to make him understand...try to convince him if he really loves his son..best of luck!

rohielim

Go to Jesus he is the answer. Psalm 118:8-9. Tell me about it when it is ok again. God never fails.

Simplystunning

Girl you are going to get the support you need. In the meantime, do something to help yourself on the road to independence. Maybe even consider moving home to Texas to be near your family unless you have close friends here that can help you out. You are not useless, not at all. He will have to pay support, it isnt a choice in california. And if you must go on state assistance, do it so that you can get back on your feet. Good luck,

Badkitty

Is their counseling available on base? If so I suggest you and your husband take advantage of it. If all of your problems stem from lack of money, it sounds like it is something that can be resolved. You have a child and if you both still love each other it is worth a shot to try and work things out. Maybe you could contribute to the finances' in some way? Take in babysitting, or get a part time job, that could relieve some of the stress. You are both very young and it would take a lot of effort on both parts to make it work. Good luck to you, and always remember the welfare of your child should always be your first priority.

Neilman

If he is getting the divorce let him pay for all the legal stuff and come to an agreement that will allow you and the children to live decently.

missyandgordon

Okay, if money is the problem, then why don't you get a sitter and go to work too.If that doesn't please him, then take him for everything he has!You will get money because he is in the Navy and they will make sure he pays you.You have been a stay at home mom for many years now and didn't work.He needs to take care of you until you can do better.Also, the fact that you have stayed there, trying to make it work(still cooking, cleaning, etc.)will look good on you because you want to make it work and aren't abandoning him.

@J@Y

I am sorry that this season has come on you. He is selfish and does not deserve you! You will need to rally support from family in Texas and try to start anew. He is the father and make him responsible to keep all financial support for you and your son. Take advantage of the wisdom available from support groups for dependents on post. If you worst comes to worst, call his commanding officer or NCO in charge and ask them to help you contact other agencies which can assist you during this transition. I will pray for you.

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