My husband and I decided 35 years ago not to have children.?

Jenny

Interesting, he wants a child with another woman! I would say that he has chosen her already and is not thinking about your futures together.

Divorce him, take everything you can, leave him to raise his child with this other woman, should'nt he be retiring soon? that makes for a very old first time dad, wouldn't you say!

sarah

he obviously isnt thinking of you and thats wrong

Òº×¡ÏÎµ 2Ó¨Ó¨8

If it was me, i'd tell him tough cookie you made your choice 35yrs ago and if you can't and won't stick by me, then CIAO!

froggy

maybe he is having a middle aged issues or maybe wants an excuse to get out. If you both agreed to never have kids, why one earth would he want one at his age?

Nadia

Adopt or get a surrogate mother

stephanaie t

It's obvious that he is not thinking of you ....and has made his choice. So you already kno what you need to do .

jojokat

You said you know the answer so you must do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. Here is my opinion though.

If he is serious about having children, he could have approached you about fostering or adopting a child. Instead it seems that he has picked out another woman to have a child with? It sounds like he is ready to move on and make a major change in his life and yours. Do you have any choice but to let him? I know you will be hurt and feel horribly betrayed, but I believe (based on experience) that when one door closes another one will open for you. Good luck to you.

free_angel

I'd castrate him and ask him if he has any more bright ideas.

Puzzlepiece

what the????????? he can't' be serious?? he is either trying to cover up that fact that he's been cheating and might already have one on the way or wants to cheat!!!

noone says things like that!! THEY ADOPT!! respect yourself and leave him.

Laura

If he does this, leave. Let him be a single daddy and see how much he likes babies then!

Jazzmin27

You need to let him go, this is very sad but if you love him you must let him reach his dreams. BUT once you get divorce get the house and everything, he broke his word to you. You deserve to be compensated financially, he is not being fair to you.

2Westies

I could be persuaded to raise a child in my 50s, I'm assuming you're around that age, but I couldn't be persuaded to accept another woman having and raising my husband's child. I'm assuming that he'll be actively helping to raise the child and you'll be out of the picture while he's doing family time in another household. Has it occurred to you that he's already involved with another woman and this is his way out of the marriage? Sorry, whatever the scenario is that's tough after 35 years of marriage. Good Luck.

good gesser

You must be in 50s he is having a midlife crisis and wants a legacy. Maybe he changed his mind and wants to keep a claim on his youth. Not what you or he expected. I suggest a cooling off period of a few months for both of you, then revisit it then

Good luck

MamaBear

WHOA! It sorta makes me wonder just who did the deciding 35 years ago -- was it mostly him? Or mostly you and he went along with it? The answers that suggest adoption are well-meaning, but the reality is that adoption for guys your age is out of the question -- you're too old, and there are FAR more younger couple who are looking for kids who will be ahead of you in line.

Whatever. I'd be upset and hurt, too -- 35 years is a LONG time. Besides, what makes him think that he, in his late 50s/early 60s, would even ATTRACT a woman young enough to bear a child? Most young woman would think that he was old enough to be their father (or grandfather!) I wonder -- does he have someone in particular in mind?

I wouldn't leave. I would sit tight and make HIM leave, if he wants. And if he DOES commit adultery and has a baby by another woman, take him to court and take him for every penny he's got in a big, messy, public divorce. I bet she won't be nearly as attracted to him if he's paying a gazillion dollars in alimony. :-) And he'll look like an old fool.

taz

id tell him to get stuffed if he made the choice with you then changed his mind then id leave him cause all he cares about is himself he could also be useing this as an excuse to get you to leave him

>>||<<

It sounds to me that maybe your husband has been up to some hanky-panky and got some other woman pregnant. Now he is trying to warm you up to the idea by delivering it the way he did. I can't imagine a middle age man all of the sudden deciding that he wants a kid out of the blue.

Roxy_Chic

That is so wrong of him! How dare he even consider this! Take him to marriage counseling with you. This makes me wonder if there's something else bothering him. This may just be an excuse to get out of the relationship. If it really was just about kids, you could always adopt. Suggest that to him. Pay close attention to his reaction. I can't believe he would consider letting you leave him when you made this decision together a long time ago. Is he seriously suggesting he sleep with another woman with your permission? Give me a break!!! What universe does he think he's living in? You deserve so much better than to be treated like this. Don't take it! You may have spent 35 years with him already, but don't waste even one more on him if this is how he's going to treat you.

birdy

For those here who answered "adopt", you obviously don't know it's almost impossible to adopt a healthy baby in America anyway, and even worse if you are over 45 years. Sometimes you can get an older child with "problems" but even this is tougher than you think. Plus it costs about $50K. Even most foreign countries restrict adoptions to younger parents, and won't even consider single people.

I would leave this guy in a heartbeat, with no guilt. He violated the marriage contract. He probably already has a new woman in mind, if he's not already impregnated her. Get out and take everything you can NOW. There's a better guy for you out there, and many older men do not even want the hangups and problems of women who have children already.

Kareca 2012

well he told you 35 years ago that he didn't want kids and after 35 years later he wants another woman to have one for him. Lady he really has alot of nerve, I would tell him if he ever brought up having a kid, i would tell him good by

Pastor Loyd

That would make you both at least in your mid-50s. Aside from the fidelity issues, even if the child was with you, is he prepared to care for a teenager, when he'll be at least 70? Not to mention that with another woman who's not his wife, he's not guaranteed custody or even visitation, regardless of what the law says.

This is a classic example of chronological age not necesarily equating to wisdom.

Now, back to your marriage. After 35 years together, I think your feelings would matter more than his warped (it's probably only ego) need to be able to say, "I knocked someone up!"

Tell him to get his head out of the clouds and to TRULY think if this is worth giving up about 2/3 his life over? And please mention the age disparity between him and this potential kid.

I think proper perspective will settle this matter to your liking, although the fact that he was even ready to consider such a thing SHOULD be a red flag for you both (you, especially). Let him also know that God wouldn't be happy with his decision.

God blesses those who care for orphans, according to the Bible. If you BOTH want a kid, adopt. There are plenty of deserving kids that need good parents.

az_mommma

Tell that man that there are thousands of kids out there who could use some great foster parents! He can have the joy of helping to mold a child's life without this crap he's trying to pull!!

And if he actually does try to follow through with this, then get out now and get as much as you can out of his insane butt!!!

E&L

So I guess he was not planning on just bringing it home like a puppy from the shelter???? Does he expect to be able to go to little league games at his age? Will he even be around to see the kid graduate from high school/college? Does he just hope to have someone there to take care of him in his old age, no guarantee either? Why does he want kids now? Or is this an easier way of asking for a divorce?

lovinlife

People change their mind After 35 years, this may be a selfish decision on his part. I assume you guys are not spring chickens anymore. Will your husband still be around when the child graduates? marries? has children? This is probably a passing phase, as you husband is getting older and thinking he doesn't have a heir. I suggest a new puppy! LOL

foodieNY

Maybe he is just going through a phase. Have you thought of being foster parents? It may fill the void he's feeling and there are so many kids out there that need stability and people that care about them.

Smilingcheek

I think it is natural to take stock of the life you have lived and evaluate where you have gone wrong, or what you may have done differently. He may feel like there could be something else, he may be grasping at straws because his age is advancing and he is going through a little something in dealing with that. Maybe he feels the need to prove his verility. Maybe he feels an emptiness that he has seen cured in others who have shared their life with children. Either way, there has to more to it than him just chsnging his mind. Do not be so quick to say that you will leave- what if it is something that he truely wants> Have you ever changed your mind about something?? It happens. I would suggest you see a marriage counselor. If this is a topic that will make or break the marriage, then you owe it to yourself to come out with a clear conscious and know that you did everything you could to make things work. 35 years is a long time, and I would be hurt too....but maybe you can think of him and try to understand where this is coming from. Good luck to you.

oscar and Lauren F

You know there is always adoption and foster care to consider if you BOTH want a child. But, if it's just him that wants a child than go let him have one and get a divorce.

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