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My husband berates me because he falsely believes I am lying or deceiving him. Why?
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My husband berates me because he falsely believes I am lying or deceiving him. Why?

I would never cheat on him. I am paying our bills with my paycheck but he believes that I am keeping money from him. I don't know where he thinks I would be hiding money from him, or why. He has a savings account in his name alone. Everything that I am paying comes out of a joint checking account. He has access to all information. He is controlling and domineering and out of the blue accuses me about not telling him exactly what I am paying when. Don't you think it would be enough that I am paying the bills with my check? He says that is HIS money too! HELP!


    




pragmatism_rules
Your husband is a controlling abuser. And in his eyes, you and everything you think you own (including money) is HIS property. Many such abusers will falsely accuse their victims deliberately in order to make you work double-time to prove you are not deceiving them...or in an effort to make you give up everything so they will believe you. Also, they can accuse you to deflect blame from their own actions (ie. a cheating spouse will often claim that their innocent spouse is the one who is cheating).

It doesn't matter what you do as it will never ever be enough. Hire a lawyer and divorce your husband. If you do not, it is just a matter of time before he starts with the physical abuse. Good luck and God bless!


sheloves_dablues
Your husband is a classic abuser.

Trust me, his behaviour will only get worse as time goes by. Get out of the marriage while you still can.


eldots53
Simple. People accuse others of that which they are doing themselves. Ask yourself why HE has his own personal savings account? And says that YOUR money is his - but the reverse is not true? You are right, he is controlling and domineering. And he is probably lying to you and cheating on you.

Time to turn the tables, honey. Take YOUR next paychecks and start building your own private savings account. This will enable you to hire a good divorce lawyer or to finance your escape. You will need it. Let his accusing rear end help pay the bills.


bada bing bada boom
Rating
In my experience, people act this way to cover up their own guilt.

I had a similar experience. All my paychecks went to the joint account and my husband controlled it. He was suspicious of me, he accused me of having affairs, which was not true. I had a new born premature child (my other children were teenagers), I worked, studied, cooked, cleaned, shopped for the family and did everything. But still I couldn't satisfy him.

He took my 'tiredess' or 'fatigue' as a sign of sleeping with other men. If I was in a good mood, he took it as 'I had a good time with a man'. I didn't know how to act around this man. He treated me badly. I was so upset that I just withdrew myself from everything. Our relationship went bad. Then he took a job overseas and started an affair with a married coworker. Still treated me badly. He paid for the rent and bills and I covered the other expenses plus my studies, still he doubted that I had money saved somewhere or gave to someone. I found out about the affair a few years after he returned. Not to mention, he had two other affairs in the beginning and in the middle of our marriage. We've been married for 34 years.


Ray
Rating
why are you still with him.do you enjoy being treated this way?


AmBeautiful
If you dont believe you can do any better than him, then you cant.


DM
Rating
Obviously he equates money with power.

Take that away from the situation. Use money as the tool it really is.

Sit down and do the bills TOGETHER. Show him the spreadsheet and how to read it. Make plans TOGETHER about money and how to use it.

Same for him- all money into the marriage should be dealt with TOGETHER. Save, as a team. Spend as agreed.

If he won't do this then talk with him about counselling- it's money- not power.





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