My husband bothers me when we sleep?

George McCasland - Papa Bear

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http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20090222/cx_fb_uc/fb20090222;_ylt=AnFVc5nG7srnIKZtyHIUIuXdcLQF

This might be better posted in the Health section.

I scanned the Internet and saw a lot of complaining about this, including on the Oprah web site.

On interest, there is one benefit. Night cuddling prevents a lot of excessive movement, which is beneficial when you become a parent and have the baby in bed with you.

For right now, you best bet might be to get twin beds. His desire to touch you is likely to continue when he's sleeping and lacking conscious control of his movements.

There have been some recent studies why people move around in their sleep, and have trouble with someone touching them. There's a chemical that the brain produces the paralyzes the muscles and neutralizes most of the tactile feeling in the skin. Perhaps you and/or him need to be treated for this. There was an article on it just last week.

Sounds Painful

I had to have this talk with my husband, too.

I can't stand it if anything is touching me while I sleep. I get overheated, upset, I feel smothered, and if his hand is on my leg, it makes my leg start twitching, and I'm awake all night long. I started sleeping on the floor in the living room, just so that I could get some sleep.

Then I talked to him about it. I told him, "Honey, I love you, but you know I can't sleep if anything is touching me. It's not you - I've ALWAYS been this way about sleeping. So when we go to bed at night, let's snuggle and have our loving timeon THIS side of the bed, and when you fall asleep, I am going to roll over to the OTHER side of the bed."

It has worked out wonderfully. Sometimes I still have to ask him to roll over in the middle of the night, but he didn't get offended, and now we BOTH get a good night's sleep.

EDIT:
Don't let these people tell you that you are ungrateful or weird. We all have things that we need to help us fall asleep. Some people listen to music, some need complete darkness, some people need space.

Leah F

Honestly I want to be cuddled while asleep which my husband seldom do. I guess putting a pillow between you. Or better yet tell him that you want space while sleeping. Since you have been married a long time a suppose by this time you can talk about this things already without hurting each others feeling. you may not be the cuddly type person in bed but perhaps show him your affection in other ways. be extra sweet during your love making or even during the day.

111

have u watched seinfeld? u can learn a lot of useful stuff from this show. one is u let him fall asleep hugging u and then u just roll away from him. cos when he is asleep he doesn't need to be close to u. u want to learn more about rolling away technique - watch seinfeld

Mrs.Cullen

Well talk to him I guess...but I would LOVE that.

Amarante

I like it when my husband does that to me, it shows me he cares

but sometimes unlock hands because tends to get sweaty and have to get up to use restroom but always put it back

doesn't seem like you care about him or is there more to the story?

Sometimes we hug or do different things.

soozemusic

I think if you explain this to him that he will make an effort to please you. If you go and sleep in another room he will have no idea why. Communication here should solve this for you. I am like you - I like to zone out in my space when I sleep.

rorybuns

Try starting out the night way over on his side of the bed. After he passes out, slip away and go back over to your side of the bed.

tlee

I'm awake right now because my husband is lying next to me snoring like there is no tomorrow. When I nudge him he stops for a second but only a second. It's weird because he has always snored but lately it's been getting on my nerves more that usual, must be something in the air. sometimes its kinda funny because he wakes hiself up, then he looks at me like I did something. but anyway about your problem, just let him hold you until he goes to sleep if you can handle it, then slip away after he goes to sleep. Thats what I do when my husband gets all feely touchy.

luv2browse

He loves you dearly and you are very lucky to receive this kind of affection. He is very very attached to you.

Here are my suggestions:

He needs to know your situation and that it bothers you, or you will never get a restful sleep. Face him on your side and tell him that you love him, and tell him that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you can't get any sleep with him holding your hands and with his arms wrapped around you. Tell him that your body needs it's own space to breathe, and it needs to stretch out for a good nights rest. Let him know that your body will be all prepared and ready for the next day with him. He should understand and respect your wishes with no hurt feelings.

As soon as he is well into his sleep, move away slowly so you can have your own space. If he wakes up, just tell him that you love him, but you can't get any sleep with his arms and hands inner twined with your body. "Honey/Babe..I really love you and love your caresses when we sleep, but I'm finding that I'm not getting sleep like I used to have". He will ask why..then you tell him why. He should understand and respect your wishes with no hurt feelings. With his understanding, you should be able to discuss your problem without any drama.

Discuss the situtation and find a solution to solve your problem. Perhaps another sleep position that you both can agree upon. Have him spoon with you and have him place his hands on your thighs so they are least touching you, then move away slowly when he is asleep.

Go out and buy a super soft cute cuddly teddy bear. After moving away from him, slowly replace yourself with this soft cuddly teddy bear so he has something to cuddle with. Tell him your problems when you are sliding in that teddy bear and to not take it as an insult. He should find this very relaxing and satisfying since he is a cuddler. With this in mind, it should bring back child hood memories when he was young, and he should consider this as being playful.

Does he have a sister or mother that you can tell that you can confide with and you are close with? The next time you see them and if they ask you how are things? Tell them your problem. They can hint the message back to him so he will at least knows that he is preventing you from getting a good nights sleep . This will at least break your problem in an indirect way if you can't tell him directly. You might be surprised if he changes his habits and then you can discuss the matter in bed if he brings it up.

Whatever you decide to do, I wouldn't sleep in another room. Sleeping in another room unless you are sick will surely hurt his feelings. Your bed is big enough for you to have your own space.

Anyway, I wish you a good nights sleep and good luck!

Betty M

I know exactly how you feel. When I'm ready to sleep, I need the freedom and the room to move around. I don't want someone holding on to me.

Some people love to cuddle up and fall asleep in each others arms. That's not for me. In fact I'd rather have my own bed.

It will probably hurt your husband's feelings to tell him the truth, but it's either that or spend the rest of your life making your husband happy so he can sleep the way he wants, even if that means you have to be uncomfortable and do without the sleep you need.

I think it's always better to be honest. I'm sure if the situation was turned around, your husband wouldn't go night after night not getting any sleep because you needed to wrap your self around him and prevent him from being able to get comfortable and sleep.

Just tell him. Maybe you should try separate beds in the same room. That way he won't feel you just don't want to be around him.

ananth59

Very often this kind of feeling is a result of some incident. As he is your husband and you have had time to accustom yourself to his habits I am surprised that you are complaining about it now. Please ask yourself what could be the reason for this sudden desire in you to distance from him and try to solve that problem. It is also possible that he has some kind of insecurity. Try to find the cause and solve it. This is just the consequence.

imtalk2

Why do you need space? Did something happen to you before you met your husband that made you want to pull away? If he makes you uncomfortable do you also feel "un-safe" around him when you guys are sleeping?

This is probably something you need to talk to him about, or better yet, see if you can maybe talk to a therapist about a little. If there are no underlying problems from the past, maybe you just need ... space...

In which case, you definitely have to talk to him about it. I'm not saying hurt his feelings, but you have to let him know what he is doing is costing you sleep.

UPDATE: What Sounds Painful said, sounds actually like pretty good advice.

jewel

well u need to handle d situation well...let him do as he pleases and than later on move a bit far n just next day whn he is at a better mood tell him that lately u r not able to sleep at night dont tell him why...say u get disturbed quite easily n whn u guys r sleeping love him aloot n later tell him u need a bit space to feel comfy.......

Shana

that's selfish of you to feel the way you do about your husband. i think its great that he does it. your ungrateful, you should'nt me married to him, can i have him? i mean he's showing you affection and likes to hold you and be next to you when you two are asleep obviously. thats really ridiculous for you to be upset about that... you dont deserve Him

rkpalli

change him with love with out hurting him. you were supporting him all these 5yrs and you wanted to stop now; he may not tolerate. have patience as you love him so much and change him slowly.

tulips

You know I understand how you feel because that is a common argument before with me and my husband. I think he wants more space when he sleeps but I'm the other way around. I'm like your husband. I'm a touch person so I like closeness so much. I feel secured and assured when I feel loved.

Better yet talk to him about that, you will discover more why he likes to sleep so close to you.

phattybiggums

You are something else. Most women would love to have a man that didn't turn his back on them and act like he is in the bed alone. All you can do is tell him. It is going to hurt his feelings but remember this What ever you don't want to do another woman will. That includes letting your husband sleep up under her at night while you sleep in your big bed alone with all the space you need.

Penny A (Vanessa)

I can't believe you are whining about your husband who adores you so much he wants to hold your hand while you fall asleep.

Go buy a bigger bed and move over once he falls asleep. Don't go sleep in another room - is that how you want to thank him for his loving affection?

erin

You women calling her selfish and ungrateful need to pull your heads out of your ***es. My husbands like this too. I love cuddling when we're awake, but I get too hot when we're sleeping and start sweating and feeling squished and itchy. I'll scoot away a bit and he will follow, asleep. It usually ends up with him squishing me against the wall in our king sized bed.

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