My husband did online cheating while he was overseas and while I am pregnant. Would you leave or stay ?

geehaw

Turn off your internet access....and give him a shot to prove it. It could be just like he says, but then again, it could be what you fear.

Joachin Murrieta

It wasn't cheating unless he was screwing the other women...I guess it would qualilfy as heavy duty flirting, but he should not have been doing it. Wait and see...but watch him also.

clbinmo

It's up to you, I think I would give it one more chance.

kenaikitty

I think you should give him a chance to make it up to you...there is a child involved. Good luck!

Mixed Family Mom

I'm so sorry. :( My ex husband did the same thing to me less than 6 weeks after I had our daughter (who is now 8) This really isn't a question I think someone can answer for you without knowing the type of relationship you have had before. My thought is that you deserve to have a man that you know loves you and only you, and wants you and only you. If you are thinking of leaving, now is the time. The longer you go with the child, the harder it will be for them. If you are going to make a go of your relationship, then commit to it 100% and go for it, if not, I would go now and eventually you will find that man that will treasure you the way you deserve.

ellisd1950

how well did you know each other before you married, what was he like while you were dating? what were you like? is this someone that you have known for years and you just got married or someone that you just met and married?

newly weds need to give it some time to grow into a marraige, you had it espically tough adding in a deployment and a kid early on into the mix. marriage is not easy. give it time

Pegi

Don't let anyone break up your home. Okay he messed up while he was there but as long as you don't find where he is doing it while he is home, forgive and forget. You know he couldn't have slept with her with him being all the way in Iraq so it was just a little fling. Forgive but also keep your eyes opened, if he hasn't done this before, it could be a one time thing but everyone deserves a second chance so give him a second chance and be firm about it and let him know that cheating is unacceptable and the only reason you will forgive this one and only time is because he was in Iraq and in a stressful situation but he is home now and things will be different and cheating is not tolerated. good luck:)

Kari R

Talking to girls and getting their phone numbers is cheating. I would give him another chance though...just make sure you cancel the internet and if he starts talking to girls on his phone, then boot him.

Rhea

The answer would be the outcome after you and him talked about this. If needed, talk about this with your doctor and try to resolve if there would be any option for this change for the better.

It depends on if your husband will not do it again, meaning will really not do it again and not just say he won't. Also if you would be willing to forgive this. It only depends on both of you if both you and your husband would commit to not cheat and forgive and not ever bring this issue back but learn from it.

myopinionforwhatitsworth

Well being over sea's in the military is stressful enough as it is ..
I am not sure what to say other than maybe give it a chance , you will know soon enough if he keeps his word .. strange things happen to a person in times of war or conflict ..
If you get suspicious and you get gut feelings of this still going on I would go with your gut ..but for now , I would give him the benefit of the doubt .. how did you find out about this was he upfront with it and told you ? that should say something there .. if you found out by accident then again I would watch the situation , don't assume the worst but don't hide from it .. and watch out for women from babylon .. they would love to wreck your home ...
good luck ..

flagger

You need to let it go.
Everything he said is probably 100% true.

As much as you will never understand, he was removed from his life and deployed to a war zone. All bets for proper behavior are off. Its hard to pull the trigger on someone if you are acting properly.

1. he is telling the truth , believe him.
2. It was not physical so not really cheating that requires swapping fluids.
3. He has not touched another woman. Let it go.

mistressmalice23

Give your husband a chance. I do not believe he is doing this with any intenetion of actually cheating in "real life".

I cannot imagine what it is like for him to be in the place where he is and possibly this is one way for him to keep his feet on the ground. I know it sounds lame, but we can't comprehend where he is coming from.

However, you are pregnant. You are fragile right now both emotionally and physically. Please tell him that this upsets you and you would like him to stop. If he truly cares about you and your marriage, he will make the sacrifice.

Possibly you and he can "role-play" online together? You can be the mysterious female from somewhere and he can be the lonely soldier who needs excitement in his life. It could be fun. Of course, you both would have to be comfortable doing it.

Good luck to you, your husband and you soon to be born child.

p00756

Give him a second chance, but keep your eyes wide open.

Spiral_Dancer

Nessa:
This is a tough one, and one without any clear lines because it all depends on how you define devotion & loyalty. A question you do need to ask is this: Why could he have not had the same "on-line" relations with you while he was over-seas? Why did he need "other" women? If you two are married, words of intimacy & love should be reserved for you & ONLY you. You are carrying his child, so you KNOW what is at risk here. You have to search your heart (and HIM!) for the answers to these questions. if you feel in your deepest heart that he is being sincere when he says that he's going to stop now that he is home, I would say trust him & give him a chance to prove himself. If not, take comfort in the fact that if you leave, your child will not suffer the divorce & CAN grow up a normal, happy, healthy kids between the two of you, albeit seperately. Search your heart. Best of Luck.

KayB

I can't tell you to leave your husband and no one else can either. All I can say is that if you've tried everything and still can't trust him then, it's time for you to make some arrangements. No one can tell you to leave your husband except you. If it was just an Internet thing and not physical, your heart should be able to get you pass this. He's a guy and was maybe just lonely and curious. I'm not taking his side, it's just that I'd hate to see a good marriage fail over something so petty. You have to go through things and even except some things to have a strong relationship. It's just up to you to make sure it never happens again. I think you should give this thought and prayer. The last thing you'd want to do is get too much advice on the outside. You never know who's a true friend. It could easily seem as if they're trying to give you good advice; but, on the other hand, they could be trying to take your spot or they just flat out want to see you unhappy. A real friend wouldn't tell you to leave your husband anyway. MY VOTE IS TO GET OFF OF YAHOO FOR A WHILE AND THINK STRONG ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE. FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD. DON'T DO NOTHING YOU'LL REGRET. I'm just being honest. No one who receive your question can give you an honest answer because they're not you.

kristina h

If you decide to stay with him, don't do it just because you are pregnant. If he is being truthful by saying that he won't do it again then he won't mind if you keep track of his emails and such. When you are in a committed relationship or marriage there is no such thing as privacy. If he really does love you then he will understand and allow you to do so. My boyfriend did the same thing and would continually tell me that it's not right to invade his privacy, but if i would not have done that i would have never found out that he cheated on me and i would have married him.

ArmyWife0412

My fiance is overseas...He almost goes out of his way to prove that I can trust him..He gave me ALL of his passwords, and I didn't ask for them. Being overseas IS stressful, and they are limited to the same few people to talk to everyday. So online chatting is all they have.

It would upset me if he was talking to other girls while he was there, because being in a serious relationship I wouldnt think you'd want that..I would let him know it upset me...BUT if he's overseas then theres NO way it could have been anything more than emails...unless he was talking to girls who were deployed also. I don't think you should leave him for that, now that he's home you will be able to notice his behavior, and TRUST me, it will be obvious if he is...just try not to be too oblivious. You said he got numbers, if hes hiding his phone, or not answering it in front of you, or NEVER leaves it laying out somewhere, where you could possibly get to it before him if it rings or see whos calling, then that would be a red flag...just be observant, but don't go so far as to nag him and accuse him, b/c he may very well be innocent.

I just really don't think that is reason to leave him...yet.

Ms Brown Eyez

I would give him a chance. Just let him know that he is going to have to earn your trust back in him. I am sure that being overseas is extremely stressful. So, give him a shot at making things right with you and your new baby.

I hope that things work out for you all.

lady31

I don't understand why he couldn't email and talk to YOU instead of it having to be a different person.

I emailed a friend when he was overseas, but it was just a "how are you, thinking and praying for you" kind of thing.

The fact that he needed MORE than you could give him or he wanted MORE than he would ask for from you would concern me tremendously.

pepsco63

cheating is cheating. even if its online. its not acceptable at all. i'd leave.

Jennifer W

This is a very tough decision for you to make. Even though we should all be very thankful for him fighting for our country, but there should be no reason for you to undermine the situation that you are in and that he caused. Only you know if you will be able to trust him completely after what he did. I would give him a chance though but if he does not stop this behavior I would not continue on with him. I know it is easier said then done, but you should not put yourself thru this situation if you are not going to be able to trust him again. It puts so much stress on you. Ask yourself if you think that you will be able to trust him 100% again. If not, then there should be no reason to stay with him because the relationship will never work and will cause for a lot of unnecessary drama and pain. Being in a relationship and not being able to trust the other person is tough situation to be in and I would not recommend it to anyone. Is it really worth it to you and you should do what is best for your child.

Jewells

If I were you I wouldn't believe it was only e-mails and such. Chances are he was doing lots more. I don't think I could deal with that. But if you can then I would seek marriage counseling and work things out. Good luck.

andy a

he should have never done that. my so to be husband is in the sir force and there are other way to relieve stress. it is up to you on what to do. how long have you been together? your trust has been broken, it is up to you if you can live with it or if you need to leave. look in your heart, take a few days to process everything, then make a desission on what to do.

sadgreeneyes3

Give him a last chance because he was in a very stressful and difficult situation being at war and in constant danger all the time... but if he does it again then it's over...

Autum

I agree with Geehaw. Give him another chance to prove himself but if he does anything like that again say good-bye.

Mel

Moniter what he does on the computer. Watch him closely..but give him the chance to prove it.

anosey1

Well it is hard to say if you should leave him or not. Only you know this man's heart and character, and if he treats you kind and with respect.

Your husband may be sincere about what he is saying to you.

It could be that these women were an outlet for him to relieve the pressure/fear of being many miles away from his newlywed pregnant wife. It may have felt "easier" for him to have a conversation with a woman that he has no obligation or intention to be with long-term.

However, it is rather callused of him to mislead others just to suit his own insecurities. One thing that puzzles me is why were phone numbers exchanged if he had no intention of having a higher level of contact with these women?

I would keep one eye open with this guy.
If he makes poor decisions when under pressure/stress then what else is he capable of when another challenge comes about.

Hopefully, this has been a learning experience for him, and he won't repeat this mistake.

In the meantime, be more vigilant. Pay more attention to what is going on,without becoming a detective. Respect his privacy. If he's doing anything sneaky, he'll tell on himself eventually.

luckford2004

Give him a chance

mobildik

Talking to another person by phone or emails is NOT cheating. Exchanging bodily fluids is cheating.
Most everyone flirts at some time and it does not hurt unless you began to do more.
Give him a chance, treat him like your lover and let him know that you really enjoy him. Do not bring up the 'cheatingn' subject anymore and see what happens in the future.

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