My husband does this and is this normal?

Kaia

Your husband is controlling. If you have any interest in him or saving your marriage, you need to tell him that it's either marriage counseling or you're walking...and then be prepared to do it. Just make sure you have separated your finances before you do, and canceled any joint credit or debits.

SimpleGirl

My suggestion is marriage counseling.

luvtochasecows

Sit him down, tell him the marriage involves 2 people. He either needs to let it be an equal partnership or something else will change.

Jo Jo

Well you did marry him, so at some point the relationship worked. Try couples counseling, it may help. If it doesn't and things become unbearable, then at least you know that you tried to work it out.

puppypal

I bet ya a big shiny nickel when you two are having a convo and he starts this temper tantrum he ends up getting his way because he throws a fit. Stop it right now or you are going to be divorced. The next time he starts this silly tactic to get his way tell him quite blank you can throw a fit all day every day if you would like but I am not dealing or talking to you when you do this. We will pick up on the subject we started when you grow up enough to realize throwing a fit isn't going to cut it or allow you to get away with anything anymore

Sabriel80

my dad does this to my mom (to a point where i just got up and punched him in the face)
but i don't think that you should put up with him, you don't deserve a man that is so arrogant and immature, i'm not telling you to do what i say but my suggestion is to divorce because it is only going to get worse.

melmm669

I actually think you just answered your own question.If your not emotionally involved with him and don't care what he does I would suggest you move on.There's no reason to live unhappy and it sounds to me like you are.

willn2pleaze

not normal and he is acting like a punk. sounds like he has been used to getting his way all his life. You can do one of 3 things, 1) ignore him if love is still there he will eventually get the hint, 2) go to counseling, 3) or get a divorce.

Sunshine

Tell him to kick rocks and fast.I wouldn't put up with it for a minute.Who does he think he is anyway ?!

Dagger_SA

Well, for one, he's probably a bit immature...acting like a 2 year old who has to have his way.

So, he COULD grow out of this, but probably won't. He's a control freak and isn't used to somebody else...especially a female...doing things without his say-so.

Let me guess...he's a momma's boy too, right?

If you're not able to get him to understand that there are TWO of you, and that ONE of you doesn't get to make all the decisions, I'm afraid you should just end this tragic marriage now while you're still young and find a man who respects you.

Nikki

If you can't work it out directly with him, I would suggest couples counseling. It's a lot easier to work through issues with a professional looking in from the outside. It may not necessarily fix everything but it's worth a shot to save your marriage.

Jane

Is this new behavior or has he always been this way and you thought it was charming?
If it is new, could be a mental problem.
If it is his normal behavior then you chose poorly in a mate.

Got Security?

yeah, that tends to happen with a control freak. You can either deal with it or move on... but don't expect moving on to be easy since you didn't consult with him beforehand.

missle

try counseling. im sure he won't agree to go, but you can go for yourself and get some relief. his behavior sounds adolescent. also sounds like he needs control. if you cant confront him on your feelings, please consider counseling

Tray Jay

Can you say -- control freak. A lot of men, not all of them, but some feel the need to control everything. Most of the time it involves money, but it can involve the furniture, what you buy at the store and so forth. When I first got married, I fell into this because I was trying to be the good little wife. But after a while, it got old. I told him I wasn't taking that crap off of him anymore and to get a life because I planned on living mine without any validation from him because I didn't need it. I already had a father, and I didn't need another one. He tried to show out at first, but I just tuned him out. I ignored him for days no matter how he tried to play those emotional games with me to let him know how serious I was. The best advice I was given was that all you can really do is change yourself, and not someone else. When you have changed, and he realizes he can't control you anymore, he will discover that he needs to change his attitude or risk losing you. Now, if his loss of control creates violence towards you - find the nearest door and get out quickly. There is something brewing there that you shouldn't have to endure.

NINA

Try to talk to him, but i will ask you this. When you were dating did he do these same things? If so, he is stuck on being him and just be happy he is not hitting you yet. If he is theN LEAVE!

321

This does not sound normal. A man does not care where the furniture is unless he is an interior decorator. A GAM (grown *** man) shouldn't throw tentrum tantrums either. I would suggest splitting up for a while. Let him see how it feels with no furniture in the house.
People don't know what they have till it's gone.

totalstressor

he sounds like a control freak - my opinion is that unless he gets help it will only get worse. You will eventually leave him...if not now then later.

WiseWoman

Your husband is a control freak,plain and simple.The best thing you can do is get out of this marriage.He's a bully and won't change.Get rid of him and get yourself a life.

New Yorker

You sure do have your hands full. Sounds like he acts like a spoiled little boy. He needs counseling on how to act right.
Feel bad for you.

dramaqueen62479

its normal...well at least to me. My husband for 13yrs still gets mad if i go buy groceries with out him. WE are so use to doing everything TOGETHER. it will change. I hope...lmao

Captain

Communication and compromise; love does not conquer all, so don't rely on that!

complicatedtallblonde

If you want to try something then I would suggest counseling. If you are really "done" then be just that, be done with him. He seems a little insecure and needy.

Anachronista

Wow, this could have been written by me, about 7 years ago.

Marriage CAN be a good thing, but it requires both parties desire to MAKE it good. Marriage does not automatically make your partners' problems go away, it can in fact, make them seem worse.

It could be that he has control issues. It's also possible that he's clinically depressed, and is not dealing well with that stress, and taking it out on the small things around him that he feels that are in his control makes him feel a little better.... BUT, this turns into a vicious cycle of him controlling little things, you feeling resentful, him controlling more little things and you feeling more resentful every day. The gulf between you will keep growing unless one of you stops the cycle.

My first suggestion is marriage counseling, for BOTH of you. If you have emotionally distanced yourself and do not really care what he does anymore, he's probably picking up on those signals you are sending him, and could be acting out in controlling ways to try and fix the situation. Him not knowing what the CAUSE is, he's trying to fix the EFFECT.

It sound like there are many things you both could learn about communication and personal boundaries, and the cause/effects of such things in marriage. A good counselor will help you both back on the right track of mutual respect and love.

Don't give up on him - you married him for a reason, right?

liz b

Talk to him, obviously. If this doesn't help maybe you should consider that you're married and part of a partnership. Include him more in somethings and maybe he won't get as offended when you do little things without talking to him about it first. Maybe try marriage counseling? I wouldn't give up on him so easily but if, after awhile, you feel that there really is no way for you to get past this, maybe you should "kick him to the curb".

CurlySwirlyTwirlyGirly

Marriage counseling would b a good step but to me it seems like he is like any other average guy
Wanting to be the boss and everything. I guess when you are married you have to communicate a by more and it's differentthan just dating

Maybe you should talk to him and tell him that he is bothering you. If nothing works, then maybe you should take a break for a while.

Johnny A

if you dont care what he does, and there is not any emotions its time to say goodbye.

VirtueOfIntolerance

you certainly don't sound like an angel either. Maybe he's mad about the way you treat him.
sure, he shouldn't be throwing temper tantrums, and you shouldn't be saying crap like "I'm not emotionally involved with him" and "ready to kick him to the curb".

personally, I thank my lucky stars I'm not married to you.

mX2007

How old is he? How old are you? How long did you date before getting married? It seems weird that he's like this and you never knew. It sounds like he's insecure. Maybe he can tell that you aren't into him and he's trying to control lots of petty things because he can't control you into loving him again. I think he deserves someone who will actually care about him.

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