My husband failed to tell me the truth, but says he didn't lie?

All week, my husband has been working late. I work also and we have a year old son. I get home, while he's still working, and I take care of the household alongside my mother in law who has been staying with us. On Wednesday, I broke down to him and told him that I was upset because I wanted to spend more time with him and it hurt me that he was gone so much voluntarily. Not only is he working, he also volunteers his time at his job for free to help them out. I told him that he could say "no" to a few activities and come spend time with his family. So, last night, he comes home around 9pm, eats dinner and then wants to go to the gym. At this point, I was upset about it, but I figured it's 9pm, and I'm tired anyway so hanging out w/ him isn't even an option now, so off he went to the gym. At 12:45am I hear his mom yelling at him and at this point I am asleep. It wakes me up, and I realize he's just getting home! I asked him to come into the room to see where he had been and he told me that after going to the gym, he went to his friend's house to watch an NBA playoff game. He said he knew if he asked me, that I would just get mad and not want him to go. So, this to me is a lie by omission but he says it wasn't a lie. I slammed our bedroom door and told him to sleep on the couch that I had had enough. At that point, the baby woke up and started crying b/c he heard the door slam. His mom comes out and then cusses at me saying that I needed to be quiet and not make so much d*** noise and that I woke my child up and he's just a baby and that I was acting f****** ridiculous. Well, I told her to stay out of it, and that the way she was cursing at me was unacceptable. She got mad and went into her room and didn't come back out. My husband got the baby and put him back to sleep and then we talked about it a bit before bed. I dont' feel we really resolved anything but we talked to say the least.

So there are two problems that I need advice on.

1.) What can I do help my marriage? This stuff shouldn't be happening after 6 years. It leads me to have a lack of trust for my husband. Marraige counseling has been a flop in the past. This isn't the first time things have happened, but they have been good for a while.

2.) How do I handle this situation with Mother in Law? I feel like she woke me up last night and had no regard for that, stepped over her boundaries by handeling my problem, and then disrespected me in the process.

*I will say one last thing on my long question haha I feel like before my mother in law came, my husband respected me more and we fought less. I'm not sure if this is just me over analyzing the situation. I just feel like things were better before. She's here to help us take care of the baby while we work.

Lisa G

You need to tell your husband that you want this marriage to work,
but you need him to help his mother get her own place to live.

Then you need to learn to pick your battles.

Slamming doors while the baby is sleeping is immature and not necessary.

So while your mother in-law was disrespectful...she was right in the
fact that you should put the baby first.

There is a time and a place for everything.

Arguing about him going to watch a game could have taken place
when everyone was awake.

Your husband works a lot of hours, so he deserves a little time with
his friends. Even if it is at hours which you do not deem appropriate.

He has to squeeze them in some where since he works non-stop.

If you do not trust him...move on! You can not scold him for wanting
to hang out with his buddies every once in a while.

Best wishes

DeeDeeD

I totally agree with you, your husband should volunteer at work less so that the two of you can spend more time together.
Your mother in-law needs to stay out of things, and there is no way I would put up with anyone speaking to me like that in my own home. you and your husband need to lay down the law to her.
It doesn't sound like either of them respect you.

Baby's got blue eyes

Perhaps he feels outnumbered by 2 women in the house and likes to spend time away? But all the same, he should be showing more consideration and trying to spend more time with you and your son. At least you are talking together about it. Keep talking. And hopefully you will find a compromise you are both happy with.

If your mother in law is interferring in your marriage, if I were you, I would consider other options for childcare. Her interference and ranting may further drive a wedge between your husband and yourself.

kavita1982

i would like to give u following advices :-

1. Calm down , the most important thing for u as of now bcos these matters shoudnt be handled with anger inseated u shud handle it coolly , just talk it out , try trusting ur husband and dont bound him for anything he will realise and spend time wid u on his own , when we just force men for anything they don't do that and rather than do what we simply dnt like . so first keep ur anger in control and temper low so that u try thinking on every matter peacefully and resolve them with mental peace .

2. Try respecting each and everybody whoever is there near u because after all ur motehr in law however she was quite sort of insulting u last night when already u were disturbed but still she is liek a motehr to u and u shud not say her keep out of it , this was rude , elder people are like god to us and remember always who does it to elder people it definitely comes back to them also , so try maintain a good tuning between u and ur mother in law never mind just imagine ur own mother at her place and her daughter in law saying her that sweetie , she would be broken .

3. Try trusting ur relationship give some space , freedom and trust ur husband try noticing these things if they stretch than just talk it out , emotional blackmailing is also an option if he cares for u dnt eat ur two meals and ask him for a swear and ask wts going on

still if the things don't work out dnt believe on these stupid marriage counsellors , they have nothing to do wid real practical situations , trust urself think peacefully and u will get an answer.

these things hav been wid me as well wid my partner i m not married but going to get married soon but it happend wid my partenr also we stay together lot of times and same situations happend wid us also

but at the end i find that u will come to a soln of every prblem once u r calm and patient .

I hope i helped !!! Wish u a best of luck and god bless u !!!

Jamie

he is either screwing around or getting drunk after work you both need marriage counseling

john n

Your husband seems to be a little self-centered. We all understand that he has to be away to earn a living to support his family. The extra "volunteer" work is unnecessary, and doesn't improve the family's condition.
Your husband has to realize that raising a youngster is work as well and he shouldn't be avoiding doing his share of that work by preoccupying himself hanging out with his buddies, going to the gym, or doing extra time at work. If he curtailed the extra time at work, you probably wouldn't make an issue of him taking time to pursue other interests
The mother -in -law scenario is always problematic. The mother-in-law tends to be meddlesome and often is biased towards her offspring. As two grown adults , you shouldn't need a referee to arbitrate arguments between your husband and yourself. Your husband should support you in getting this message across to your mother-in-law. It might help the situation if you explain to your husband that it always feels like two against one, and that it's hard to react normally in a situation where you feel like you're being ganged up upon.
I would advise you all to work up some guidelines so that you can all set boundaries and communicate your expectations with each other.

Bob W

he's either doin another chick, or gettin blitzed with his buddies

its likely i will say douche bag

Just because he doesn't tell you doesn't mean he is lying.

You already said it was late and you went able to spend time with him and you were asleep. whats the big deal, sounds to me like you want to control what he is doing.

I realize you want to spend more time with him, nothing wrong with that. But If he is out and you are a sleep, then why do you care if he stays out late.

You issue seems to be more with your mother in law than you husband,
talk to her like an adult, she lives in your house.

resolve you issue with her like an adult.

feras

is your husband an emotional character? if yes..emotionals show how much they care by work,help in house,buy stuff...they dont express feeling alot..and they need more space than the normal..or (physical) characters...my advice...give him some space...hes working hard to show his love to you and your baby...you can see that from not asking you to go to his friends...he couldnt express his feelings to u till u found out...some people change their behaviour to Emotionals if they find more stress/uncomfort in their house...that comes with the mother in low...get a baby sitter...but for sure..you both have to agree on that...

good luck

noiamnot

Living with the outlaws rarely works, tell her to go, find a cheap au pair or nanny and start setting some time aside for the two of you.
However - be sure he is working and going to friends...
How much do you trust him?

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