My husband gets depressed, angry and defensive when I talk to him about his health?

My husband is 25, very intelligent, very sweet...an all around wonderful man BUT he's not the healthiest person in the world. He's quite big and he doesn't eat right and he smokes (although I'm a smoker too so I can't really say anything about that) and he has a family history of lots of health problems (his mother passed away due to diabetes and his father actually committed suicide). I really, really worry about him! He just went to Urgicare yesterday because of his back problems. He's been suffering from these terrible stress-related hive outbreaks and panic attacks. He's just falling apart!

When I mention something to him about taking better care of himself he gets all sad and defensive, like I don't love him anymore or something. I'm never mean to him or insult him or anything like that. I try to explain that I love him and I want him to be around for a long time, happy and healthy with me and our 3 daughters, but it makes him feel bad so then I feel bad, so then I take back what I said and NOTHING gets accomplished.

I want him to start eating better, exercising and seeing a doctor on a regular basis, but the conversations I try to have with him are just unbearable!! What can a worried wife do???? Please, any insight into this problem, advice, suggestions, anything! Thank you very much!

No More

I doubt he was the picture of health the day you met him and before you had three kids with him... a persons health and the way they live are factors that you need to consider before you seriously commit to someone... so you have kind of made your own bed.

At 25 he is young and strong enough to compensate for his poor choices... It will be so much easier for him to address these issues now. He is not going to like it in 15 years when a health scare forces him to rethink everything he does.

One thing you should do is quit smoking. You should do this for you regardless of what he does, but maybe if he sees you making hard choices that he might try to make a few. You both need to see good examples for your kids or they will grow up with health and food issues.

Good Luck just stay at him.... let him be defensive. I would bug the sh!t out of him until he does something about it.

bronzebabekentucky

he acts defensive and mad because he is Scared! you would be too if you had the history in your family that he does...tell him you are making an appointment for BOTH of you at the doctors...that way you can help him get the help he does need...

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Do you cook the meals? Start only buying healthy food, and buy the two of you gym memberships. Maybe he won't get so defensive if you are taking part in what you want him to do. Then it seems like you want the both of you to be healthier and he won't feel like you're picking on him.

kitkat

Fix only healthy foods for him and tell him it's that you love him that you worry.

shy2008

Next time you talk to him about his health, and he feels sad....don't take it back! You've said what was needed to be said, now he has to do something about it. Don't let him off the hook because he seems sad. How sad will he feel in 10 years if he develops a heart problem...or diabetes himself? 25 is young to start having these issues. Be straight with him...you love him and worry about his health. This is a decision he has to make for himself, just be there to support him when he decides to take that first step. It's a change in lifestyle..a big change. It's not just diet and exercise for a while and once he feels better...go back to his own habits. Taking care of ones health for some people comes naturally. Other folk have to learn what they should do, and stick with it. Maybe you both could go to a nutritionist and talk about the types of food that are healthy and will give him enough substance that he won't be hungry. Try a walking program with him, start off slowly and gradually increase the duration. Just little things to start, but he has to be willing to give it a shot.
You mentioned his dad committed suicide. Has your husband ever had bouts with depression? Maybe he's having issues with self image. It wouldn't hurt for him to talk to his dr.
Hope this helps...

~*Honest Blunt Opinioner*~

You have already done your part, you've showed your love and concern for him and its just not enough. hes probably defensive because he's embarrassed. if he's big he probably feels that there is no way to get out of it. losing weight is VERY tough. probably one of the top toughest things a human can ever do.

don't nag about it anymore, just stop bringing it up. you have to accept him for the way he is. if he doesn't want to change, just leave it alone. sometimes we worry about stuff that we have NO control over, so its best to drop it. if he wont do anything about it, maybe one day he's going to go through a very terrifying scare and maybe then it will motivate him to be healthy.

The same thing happened with my grandfather who was in the ICU a few days ago, my grandfather smoked for about 35 to 40 years, he started having heart problems and the doctor told him if he ever smoked again, he'll die. so this scared my grandfather and he started working out, losing weight and quit smoking. However, because of his smoking history, he's had open heart surgery on and off. now he has kidney failure and the artery that they keep trying to keep open is getting weak, i guess because they kept trying to repair it, so its just very weak. so my grandfather could die any day now. i suggest you and your husband quit smoking. inhaling poison is never healthy.

ouragon

It's really hard to take a smoker seriously when they are worried about someone else's health. My dad was at 15% lung capacity with Emphesema at 42, and dead at 52.

Maybe you could lead by example. Otherwise, you two aren't going to have that long together.

Phebie

First of all, don't take back things you say that came from the heart, and you believe to be true. You can encourage your husband to live a healthier life, but obviously you cannot make that choice for him. If he's not willing to get help, you have 2 choices.... 1. Stay. 2. leave.
Thats all there is to it! It sounds harsh, and I know it's a lot easier to say than to do. Pray to the Lord for guidance, and for the right answers. I hope things work out.

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