My husband got laid off I'm so frustrated with him?

Patrick B

All I would do is to try and get him to wait before making a decision. I counsel people who have been laid-off and most people should not make big decisions right away. If he placed a lot of his self-worth into his job, then he is now scrambling to try and find some way to accomplish something so he can feel better. Try and get him to take some time out and make some better decisions later.

But the fact of the matter is that he is impulsive. If you have not found a way to deal with his impulsiveness since knowing him, then there may not be much you can do to change his mind- other than try and get him to focus on something else, or at least come up with alternative plans and then pick one of them.

Maybe you need a time out from each other too, if talking is getting you nowhere then stop trying to talk. Don't do the silent treatment, but only talk when he approaches you. That way he is ready to talk.

I am sorry you are having a rough time. Good Luck and God Bless

P.S. Not a break, like getting away, but a break in the conversation...just some time to stop beating a dead horse for a little bit. Maybe for a few hours, maybe longer, maybe shorter. Sometimes we get fixated on details that do not matter when the conversation seems to be going nowhere. Take some time and let your, and his, thoughts process.

P.S.S. Glad we are on the same page now, sometimes typing does not get thoughts across the best. Like I said in the beginning, I work with unemployed people and their families to help them. I have done it for some time now and there is one fact and truth I have learned, it is not easy for all involved, not for him and not for you. Don't dispair, things will get better- no matter what paths you take.

soldierswife87

i give your husband his props for coming up with a idea for a roof over your head really quick.but sometimes you have to make impulse decisions when it is for someone you love and your family.he could have discussed it with you also,but he may have thought u wouldnt have agreed with him.he just wants you all to be taken care of until he can get back on his feet.tell him thank you for lookign out for oyu all.but be sure to discuss how you feel in a calm and nice manner.also come up with other ideas so that will be a temporary stay.including you getting another job and him also.explore the other job options.the economy is rough for the non rich families.so you have to take what you can get for a job.God bless and i wish you the bless.put your faith in God and pray to him,he will make a way out of no way and help you all out of the struggles you are about to go through.God has came through for me always,but i had to appreiciate the little blessings he has gave me before i got the big ones.and show him i praise him through good or bad,happy or sad!!

Betty M

Okay what your husband did behind your back is totally wrong, but what is done is done.

You just can't up and move and not give your landlord a 30 day notice. You are asking for a whole lot of trouble you don't want. A friend of mine did that and the landlord got pretty angry about it. They turned this problem over to a collection agency. It took 2 years for the collection agency to track them down, but when they did, they were charged with a month's rent for not giving a 30 days notice and a bunch of other fees for skipping out on the rent. Plus they ruined their credit in the process.

First you have to talk to your landlord and explain the situation and ask them if they will let you out of your rental agreement without a 30 days notice. If they say yes, then get it in writing for your protection. Then tell your husband it's never looks good on your job history to just quit your job without giving a 2 week notice.

If the landlord will let you out of your rental agreement, tell your husband that you are willing to move out in 2 weeks and you expect him not to make matters worse for the two of you by drinking and using drugs and since he's not working, you expect him to do his share of taking care of the children and do half of packing up all your things and cleaning your place up before you move.

Remember, you are not his child, you are his wife and equal partner and you will go along with him this time, but you are very angry about how he made all the decisions about your future without him even talking to you about it. From now on you will both make decisions that concern both of you and your children together. If he ever pulls this on you again, the end results will not be in his favor, because you are not going to put up with being treated like your opinion is not of any importance.

You don't want to be treated like this, then stand up for your self.

Pure Star

What are you doing to bring income into the family. Please don't say you have babies to look after and can't work. Providing for the family is not just up to the man in these tough economic times. Women have to help themselves and each other to keep families together. Perhaps you could swap childcare with another lady when each of you does some work. I hear your frustration with the lack of communication from your husband. He can only be what he is. It is not realistic to expect more. If you are going to be staying with him then you need to learn to step up and contribute yourself financially as hard as that is.

Aethor

Indeed, he seems immature. Such actions cannot be taken without taking some time to think, and also to at least discuss them with other involved people (with you, in this case).

Also, your request that he thinks for a while about the entire situation was completely reasonable. That he did not do it, but got drunk instead, shows immaturity beyond any hope for recovery in the near future.

Or in other words, his current level of maturity is so much behind the level that is needed for a husband and a father of a family that it will at the very best take a number of years to get there.

As for you, I would advise that you should complete your education if you haven't, and add whatever education you can, so if **** happens, you can get a job on your own. If things work out in the end, okay, but if not, you really need to be prepared.

You can only try to be reasonable with him, discuss things calmly and without drama. If he doesn't want to listen to that... I'm afraid there's not much more than you can do to save the marriage.

toy

If I were you I'd start looking for a job. Its hard being a man (if you are a real one) with your whole family depending on you. Men like that don't want to go to their wives for financial advice. He may feel like he is less of a man if he cannot provide. If I was in your situation I would look for a job (although he may not like it) so that I could take some of the burden off of him. Also men don't think like us. Most of the ones that I know thinks the "manly" thing to do is to keep things bottled in. Just tell him...say honey we are in this together. We will get through this but you have to open up to me so that I can give you some guidance on these issues. You cannot always do it alone, just lean on me sometimes and things may not be so stressful. I often have to remind my husband that we are 1 and I am suppose to be the rock whenever he falls. Don't let him make all of the decisions by himself. While disagreeing with him make it seem like you are merely making a suggestion and see if he likes any of your ideas Sorry you are in that situation. I hope things lighten up for your family.

Sorry just now reading all the additional stuff. Take the money that you saved and put it toward yells finances. You definitely should not just move out without informing your landlord your credit could get ruined.

RobSkool

Instead of writing it here, say these exact same words to him. Problem solved. It's called communication, used to be what they did before Google and Yahoo.

redhead27

First off: do you have a job? I can't see you be angry, unless you had a job.

At least this man has a f'ing plan to take care of his family when things get bad. Would you prefer a man, that has no plan and just comes home with no money and expects you to figure it out? I'm guessing no.

He has control over your shelter, so don't argue.. let him take the lead as he has been.

Mike the man

well dear sound like the immatureness of him is showing its obvious you and him are young and from the sound of things to young. You are right its really no need to make such quick decisions and he certainly shouldn't have made them without you so i think that explains it all and to go out drinking and the getting high is all signs of immature and insecure.

i hope what i said at least made sense. so what are you going to do just move? and maybe he knew he was going to get laid off and didn't want to stress you about it that's a thought.

*TiNK*

He got laid off.. I'm sure he's frustrated enough without getting crap from you about it.

ricky

Don't most jobs make you take a drug test? He should be careful at this time.

The alpha partner sounds like. They see nothing wrong with disrespecting your role in the marriage, your not even seen as an equal.

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