My husband had an affair with his ex wife, i caught them of course, gave him an ultimatum, he chose to stay...

goldwing

Whoa! Slow down here! He has NOT had an affair, he has not gone to bed with her? She is 3000 miles away? Any you have been married for 23 years?
If all this is true, he is in need of a love fix, simple as that. The spark has gone out of the relationship..so put one back into it. That will solve the problem...it ain't the ex, it is his entire life that has him searching for someone to make him feel like a king again. Men go through some serious changes at his age. They don't see the successes, they see only their failures. They see no chances left to be a success...very depressing, Called MID LIFE CRISIS. And that is all it is.. a crisis. It will pass. In the meantime, give him a hand...think back on the fun times, what you and he did to make them fun, stop with the taking for granted bull that goes on in every relationship...you have some work to do, and so does he. But I suspect you will have to start the job and get him on board. There has been, or will be a time when you are going to be on the same ship that he is on now...if you play your cards right, he will be there to throw you a life ring. Good luck

CowboyBill

It doesn't matter what you believe in -- your marriage is done. Stop the denial, stop the lies (to yourself), hire the best, nastiest lawyer HIS money can buy and get his rotton, low-life, cheating @ss out of your life ASAP.
PS -- you don't need advice from the damn internet -- you know what to do.

SPONGEBOB

join them in a three some.

pistolgrip104

get the hell out of thier he all ready fu*k her once thats one more time then to many u feel me

winona e

You can always stay and enjoy the misery he is putting you through!!!

Drey M

You should have a heart to heart with him . I know it will hurt but you need to ask him where his heart is. Sometimes things like this happen and we don't have control over it. But it sounds like his heart is else where.

thepenismightier

You have two choices: Either divorce him or have an affair of your own.

walking lady

Have you thought of counselling? Clearly he can't get past whatever feelings he's harboring about his ex. You need to try to have an open discussion with him (without getting angry hard as that may be) to find out what's up with this?

Personally, I believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater". Before you do anything drastic like divorce, you need to see if this can be resolved. But you can't go on this way.

imababe_84

Leave Him!! He woke up crying her name? He rereads her old emails and such? It sounds like he has some sort of obsession for her to me. If he is spending all of his time being obsessed over her there is not going to be any time for him to love you. Leave Him.

panagirl69

Did he leave her for you? Now he wants her back? Is it really worth it to you to be miserable for the rest of your life knowing that he will always want what he can't have? I think that is basically what most cheating boils down to. Wanting what someone perceives as "better" than what they have. If he was serious about staying he would have deleted all emails and her address (not that he wouldn't remember it anyway but still) and wouldn't brood over the "loss" of her again but over what damage he caused to his relationship with you. I would think long and hard on this one. You may find you need/want/deserve better. Good luck.

Trini

Girl let him go. and to make it worse you caught them together that is an image you can't get out of your head. wow! you need some spirtual guidance but you might have to let him go sweetie. sorry.

miaRules

You have a choice stay with him or leave him. If you don't believe in divorce because of religious reasons. Remember that Jesus gave adultery as the only reason for a divorce. It sounds like he is still i love with his ex. he will eventually cheat again. Do you really want to be miserable for the rest of your life?

fresh start

Be careful, ask him first do he still love's you and why is he doing that to you with his first wife?

baheramgor d

start believing

chris a

I know you don't believe in divorce but things are not going to change. You can't make there hearts change for eachother. I know !!!!!

what the hell

if you didn't really expect to forgive him then you shouldn't have given him an ultimatum of staying or going. if he stays you need to forgive him. if he goes you need to accept the fact that divorce is a part of a marriage.... not one where married couples want to address, but that is why it is available. there is some kind of conflict or unresolved issue with your marriage and he went back to the person he thought could/would understand and not judge. cheating is rarely one-sided.

darkangel

well honey he cheated before what do you think he won't do it again

SweetT

You already know the answer to this question.......... anyway, you should free him and more importantly yourself. If he loved you then he would have never cheated with her. And once you gave him an ultimatum, you also gave him the power. You let him know your life was in his hands and that he could stay and hurt you again and again or that he could leave and hurt you too. Either way you are setting yourself up to eventually be hurt so why not just let him go, hurt for a little while and then get on with your good life that God has waiting for you. You don't believe in divorce huh, but you believe in adultery, is that what you are telling us?? The bible speaks against adultery, but says a man should give his wife a divorce and vice versa if adultery is commited..... so if you are staying it's because you want to and not what you believe in I think...................And of course he chose to stay, you allowed him to.......... also think about this....... the bible says what God has put together let no man bring asunder, but did God put your marriage together or did you and your husband put it together??? Sometimes God is waiting for us to let the mess go that we have created for ourselves, so that he can give us our blessings that he has in store for us, but how can he if we are blocking our own blessings?? Satin could have placed him in your life to keep you bonded........set yourself free!!!

supdavetatt

You have got to figure this out for your self. I would look at all the different point people give you ,but remember. For the the most part the peopl in here has Little are no control of there on life,there on mirages and emotions but will stand and give you life changing advise as if thy was the authority on the matter. And i would further moor say to you to reevaluate the situation, is as bad as you think. Good luck and may god bless you.

leaves_of_autumn171311

i will say therapists dont always agree with the woman. Mine dosnt agree with me all the time. its just men like to beat around the bush is all. i think a seperation is best really. if it gets worse then divorce. im against the divorce too but if its not going to work and its making everyone involved upset or angry its best if you go your seperate ways.

legallyblond2day

Good, too many people in this country consider a divorce the solution to marital problems (unfortunately your husband is one of them, since its his ex-wife), marriage is for life. It sounds like the two of you DESPERATELY need marital counseling. Seek professional help pronto. Couples counseling is a must if the two of you have any desire to fix the problems of trust, communication, etc. that you clearly have. A trained couples' therapist can help you to put your marriage on the road to recovery.

SimplyCrazy

yeah, you're better off

amd949

why don't you try marriage counseling it helps alotta couples
but first just go on his email and delete the emails he reads and rereads...

No matter what you do, he will still sneak behind your back and see her. If I were you, he could have her and I would get a divorce.

free_angel

Unless you want to be second best, stay with him.

berry

Well, accept it or divorce him.

I would divorce in such a case.

greenbaypackers1920

He cheated on you first time and refused to go to go get help.... and wow 23 years is a very very long marriages.

I was married my first ex and You are right I don't believe Divorce at all. after she theat me divorce 4 time last 8 months of marriages I had to end it and God and Jesus knows It not going to work. I could be wrong...

Remarried second time she was my first before I was married to first one and now she my last and It was great marriages becasue we been married for 9 years and now 2 kids and 3rd due in March 2007... now I already know what cheating mean and what can do to ruin marriages. and I learned that from my mom who remarried 6 times and cheated all of them.. so I learned that No way to be like her.

So, for what he did, wow, God not going to be mad at you becasue you been faithful to this guy and he just went and cheated on you.. that so unfair for you to go through this. and It better to find second person like I did and It was the best thing.

Before I was married second time I talked to her about everthing like what if I cheated what if I kiss what if girl come in my office naked and what if I lost my arm and what if money plm. etc. and she answer alot good questions and she does with me and we know it worth to be married smilng...

I would be so mad after 23 years after he did it and he reread ex old email... my gosh that is so wrong and so bad. He still not think of you or respect you or anything just himself. So end it now and show him that you are best than other ex girl .. and later when he notice you have a great life and on and on and he will beg to come back with you..

All you do is tell him.. big Karma what ever you did cheated on me and big Karma come back to you and now you got what you got.. It not my plm now. I am SOOOOO OVER YOU!!!! believe me God said an EYE for an EYE, so he witness what he saw him doing was wrong and knowing you been faithfully. I hope this helps. I 110 percent support you smile.

hippiegirl672003

Do you believe in SELF WORTH? Apparently NOT.I can't believe your asking this question.NO ONE DESERVES THAT TREATMENT!!!! YOU are better than that.Leave the LOSER and DEMAND better treatment from YOURSELF.Jeez!!!!!Love yourself and others will too.

bea

Do it, he just realized how he is still inlove with her ex....who knows, one day it will be your emails he will be reading....

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