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Lola190506
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THIS WILL NOT GET BETTER. YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. You have taught him that this is okay. You need to now teach him that it is not. He cannot have you in his life if he is going to do this. You need to leave. Maybe you leaving will teach him a lesson. STOP BEING A DOORMAT. You don't love him, you love who you know he could be, but he's not that man. WAKE UP. |
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onthebus2002
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I spent five years in an abusive marriage, and although my love for him was great I eventually had to leave him. If violence exists in a relationship its not going to disappear unless your husband realizes he has an anger problem. Although I know you want to do everything to change things and stay in the relationship, He is going to need PROFESSIONAL help. You could try a marriage councilor and he an anger management course. If, Like my ex husband he refuses to see that there is a problem, the only suggestion I can give you is to leave him. This problem will not go away on faith and love alone, if anything it will make things worse. Good Luck |
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Miss Cris
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He has to want to get help before it can take place. He needs to speak with his physician and a therapist about why he is this way and how it is harming his relationship with you.
Never say you cannot leave though - if he refuses to get help, you would be willing to stand around and allow him to beat you for the rest of your life... which is bound to be a short one if he does this to you?
Miss Cris
http://lendinganear.wordpress.com |
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Ricki M
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This is a huge problem. Do you really enjoy getting beaten up and called names or yelled at? This is horrible! Have you considered just seperating for a while? Your husband needs help. I would consider taking him to anger managment, or to go see a counselor so he can at least establish that he does have a problem, and does need help. You have to do something though because if this goes unhelped, your in a world of hurt. Good luck. |
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just_me_1955
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you better do your self a favor and get the hell away from him fast |
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pinkphairygirlie
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YOU can't do anything to help him, HE has to want to do it...If he doesn't WANT to do it, Maybe you should consider leaving him.
Why would you want to stay around and get verbally or physically abused??
Sounds to me like you both need some counseling. |
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JC
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He wont realize he needs it until you do something drastic, like leave, or at least tell him you will. You dont deserve this kind of treatment, and love certainly isnt enough to keep things going. |
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Rachel Bitchface
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You can not help people that do not want to be help if he is abusive you will have to leave for your own safety. |
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Lori
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He has to want the help for himself. You can not do it for him. Violence starts with rage............get out while you can. Love will not help him him.....not even his love for you. He needs professional help |
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mattinoh63
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It sounds harsh, but for your safety walking away at least until he has had extensive counseling is the only real answer.
If you refuse to leave.....make sure that you have a safe place to run to...a door that is extra sturdy to lock yourself behind. |
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hmm
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First you cant help him second he needs to understand that he has a problem and he needs to be the one that needs to seek help for it. Sometimes you need to leave a situation to help someone fully understand the effects it has on you. I think you need to give him some tough love. He needs to be the one to want to do it and if there is no motive then whats the purpose. He obviously doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior and probably wont until he can really think about things and about how much his abuse effects you. You don't have to leave but I do recommend a trial separation until he seeks out counseling and gets to the core of his anger. |
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Nocturnal
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First, he must admit that he has a problem. Second, he must seek help for it. You must support him every step of the way. And if he refuses to get help and this problem continues, leave him. Domestic violence is a growing problem and I would hate for you to end up another statistic. Protect yourself. |
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Mrs. Ironhide
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What do you mean "cannot leave"? Does he have you chained up inside the house and you can't leave. That bullcrap, no one has the right to yell at you and abuse you, not without your conscent. If he loves you he wouldn't be doing that. If you so desperately want to stay with him try couples counseling, or anger management. Inform him that you are not the enemy, you are not someone who will hurt him, so there is no reason for him to be abusing you.
Good God woman, being married doesn't give him the right to treat you like crap. |
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northener70
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Run as soon as possible, you cannot do anything for a person don´t want any help |
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bull
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bearlady ...to deadlady......... it will get worse..... |
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TIMOTHY D L
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Anger management classes. You may HAVE to leave for a short time while he attends these classes. |
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hot like me
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I have the same problem with my bf almost. He is not physically abusive but has a very bad rage problem. I think he needs to go and get put on medication. We have a lot less fights and he doesn't yell so much when he's on meds. |
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cfalways
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It seems as if you are doing everything you can to help him and at this point you need to help yourself. He needs to seek professional help if he wants to get better. If you don't want the situation to get any worse then seperate for the sake of your health. If he refuses to get any better after the separation then you need to file for divorce. no relationship is not worth staying if one partner is hurting the other constantly. take care of yourself. I only see one of two options: either stay and get further abused, or leave and get better for yourself. good luck. |
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flashpro
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Get to a counsellor. If you can't get him to go, go yourself. It's possible he has a disorder of some sort..Even if it's ADHD, it can cause frustration and anger. I have been through that myself. Counselling will help. Maybe record one of his outbursts, so that at some time you can show him. It's easy to be in denial and blame you for his anger. |
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smileymileycooper
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If you really love him and know you can't leave him then start going to family counseling maybe. You said he probably doesn't realize he needs help, so I'm guessing he probably won't want to go see a psychiatrist. If that happens tell him you think it would be a fun activity 4 the family and you want to deal with some of your own problems. he might listen a little better then. |
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dbreds7
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My ex broke up with me by calling the cops and saying that I hit her. I NEVER ONCE LAID A HAND ON HER! Anyways, I was ordered to go to domestic abuse classes and found that I really did learn some things in it. There are so many types of abuse that people don't usually recognize. Verbal, physical, emotional, etc. It really was worth my time even though I didn't do anything to be ordered to go to it. I would really try to get him to do that. There are even couples classes that are offered, at least in my county. I would suggest that because if you really love him and don't want to leave, that might be a good thing to try. Hope that helps. |
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cobrasnake
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Get professional help for him,before is too late.Good luck. |
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John B
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He must come to understand that the anger he has is over the top and needs to attend anger management classes.
How you get him there is difficult. It may come down to you leaving him and not coming back until he does.
You have to know that sooner or later he will hurt you and hurt you bad. His frustration or anger will not go away by itself and may only get worse the longer your together.
There are a lot of reasons why he is this way. It can go all the way back to childhood or the feeling he has no power over his life right now.
You are so right to not fight with him when he is like this. If you did he may very well be much worse.
You have to realize however that you cannot help him yourself. You could be what he perceives as part of his problem. And you can better believe when he does get angry at you he sees you as the reason, even though you may have nothing to do with it.
Make him get help or you must leave. For your own safety. |
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tipper
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Verbal abuse is bad enough, but physical?!?! I suggest that if he doesn't go to couselling that you do. You need to understand that this is not something that you have brought on to yourself and that he is the only one who can prevent this from happening in the future. I understand that you love him, but your safety should come first. If you have kids, leave for their sake. If he doesn't get help soon, he will take his anger out on them in the future. Don't wait. Go now. |
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ladyk1013
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Sometimes physically? once is too much, if you have kids, you need to think about them and put their well-being above your feelings for your husband. Have your parents or a close friend keep the kids over night and make sure you have your phone handy and confront him with the issue, explain how you feel, and that you want to support him, and get help for him. If he refuses then you will have to leave him, even if its temp. to give him time to think about it. That way you and the kids stay safe. And get counciling for yourself. |
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NiCoLaS W
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hrmmm i used to have these issues myself.. it's like you feel out of control mentally.. and if you get frusterated too much the only way to control things is mentally.. you also need to understand guys were raised settling differences by fighting physically.. so when we are stuck with a woman.. although wrong we tend to lose control of our emotions and revert to our way of growing up.. lately i have been alot better.. but time to time my anger creeps up on me.. basically ask him why he hits you.. and make him answer.. |
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scottb03gt
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you cannot leave or dont want to leave? if your not going to leave and stay with him, and not straighten out your life, then you deserve to be treated as you are because you obviously like it or wouldnt be advertising about it |
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vanessa m
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since he realizes he needs help sit him down and talk to him about seeing a counselor if he doesnt wanna go alone let him know you will be happy to sit in on his sessions |
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PRECIANA
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LET ME TELL YOU THIS OKAY. IN 1999 MY SISTER LOST HER LIFE BECAUSE THE GUY THAT SHE WAS WITH WAS JEALOUS OF HER. MY SISTER HAD GOTTEN OFF OF WELFARE AND WAS WORKING ONE PLACE AND WAS STARTING A JOB THAT MONDAY SOMEWHERE ELSE. IT WAS A BIRTHDAY WEEKEND. THE GUY BARBEQUED FOR HER AND A FEW OF HER FRIENDS CAME OVER. AFTER THE PEOPLE STARTED LEAVING, THAT LEFT MY NIECE UPSTAIRS ASLEEP, MY SISTER IN LAW SITTING AT THE TABLE, AND MY BROTHER HIGH ON THE FRONT PORCH. MY SISTER AND HER GUY WAS IN THE KITCHEN. HE APPROACHED HER AND PULLED THE GUN. HE USE TO THREATEN HER ALL THE TIME BUT NO ONE THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO HER. HER BIRTHDAY WAS AUGUST 13TH, HE SHOT HER IN THE FACE AND KILLED HER INSTANTLY ON AUGUST 14TH. SHE HAD JUST TURNED 42 YEARS OLD THE DAY BEFORE. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU. YOU CAN NOT KEEP LETTING THAT HAPPEN BECAUSE HE WILL EVENTUALLY KILL YOU. LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE PAINFUL NOR VIOLENT. YOU NEED TO GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. I KNOW THAT YOU SAID THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE, BUT IN ORDER TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK, YOU NEED TO GET OUT. |
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deakjone
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He has to "really want to change" before doing anything... Next he should begin self controlling steps to deal with his problem... Then seek professional help... If he is sincere it will work out in the long run... otherwise get away from him and don't become another statistic... |
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The Kabbalist man
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Well first of all I think it is not only his problem but also your problem. And you didn't say if you have children, and I assume that you have, and that you really love your husband and want the situation to become better.
It is always easy to leave a husband when there are such problems, but considering the benefits of all the family, I think you must be the strong person of the family and make the right decisions.
Take the family to family counselor. Ask him to join the family in this therapy. Never blame him for this situation (maybe he has problems at work or other problems that can be solved).
If he does not accept, then start alone with the therapy, he will join you afterwards when he realizes that it costs money.
Don't give up easily and try to find the best solution for the family.
And take into account that although after this therapy you will decide to break the relationship, you will be in a much better and healthier situation to resist the divorce process.
I hope for you that the rage problem of your husband is not a disease and can be solved. In any case the counselor will help you (you alone an/or with your husband) find a solution and maybe also he will advice you a divorce.
GOOD LUCK |
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harastasbbygrl
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okay i see y everyone says to leave but what if she dont wanna what if she wants to help him if she knows that he just has a problem and needs help but no one has every tryied t ohelp and he wants the help but dont know where to start then what do u do where do u start how can we help him where do we go where do i take him i love my husband i want our family to work i want both of us to be happy he loves our kids our kids love him what do i do?
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