My husband has no kids and wants some am i being selfish?

gismo

Unfortunately that is something you should have thought of before you went and married a man who a) does not have any children of his own and has every right to want some b) is younger and at a different stage in his life than you
It sounds as though someone wasn't being very forthcoming about how they see their future and someone is changing the rules of the game, that is if you guys even bothered to sit down and agree on a couple of basic stuff. Now I am not trying to be mean or criticial, despite the fact that it may have put you on the defensive I am being totally honest with you.
So what to do now, sit down with him and discuss how you feel about these things, discuss what he wants, what you want. It's kind of difficult, while I understand that you have been there and done that with the child situation and you are so removed now with your youngest being 7, I get it, but really can you not understand his need to have a child of his own as well? Imagine if the person you love was telling you no, you cannot have that. These are major issues, as I am certain you already understand. I cannot call you selfish cause I see where you are coming from, however while you do deserve to live your life the way you want, you are also not alone and do not have the right to think soley of yourself, just as he doesn't have that right. I will tell you a story about a very good friend of mine, this couple has been together for many years, they put each other through school and support each other's career, they finally get married and settle into having kids, they discover after trying that she cannot have children. After much thought she decides she does not want children, adopted or any other way. He however is willing and wanting very badly to have a family, in anyway. This brings them to a cross road, where they realize that they want and see very different things for their future. They ended up divorcing, very amicably I must say to my amazement, and it truly was very painful to see, cause as amicable as it was, it was also very painful for both cause they did love one another very much, but realized that these fundamental differences would bring about major compromise from one side and that would deteriorate the love. So, he is now married again with a lovely lady, and has two beautiful children, she is in a committed relationship enjoying her life and career as she wanted. So tuff call, just make sure you can live with the compromise you will make and if you do you wont resent him for it, and vice versa of course. Best of luck.

KitKat

Did you not think to have this discussion before you got married?

Just that One

WOW that seems like it could be a huge issue you two should have talked about that before marriage. It might just end up being a deal breaker.

Happy-2

Whether or not to have children is one of the big deal breakers. How is it that he married you? Did you not tell him you didn't want any more? This is absolutely something that should be discussed BEFORE marriage.

xtina

These are the things (along with which religion children will follow, what city in which you'll live) that have to be decided on BEFORE getting married. sory, know U don't want to hear that

Beatngu

What was discussed before marriage?

This is one major topic that should have been brought up. Have you told him how you feel? I would just explain that you can't see yourself going through surgery to start all over again, when you have 3 already.

blueeyedgrl

This was probably something you 2 should have discussed prior to getting married. I understand your point but you are still young enough to get married. I am 33 and getting ready to have my 3rd child. My husband and I want to have 1 more. You will still have a life before you are 50. If you have a child now....he/she will be 19/20 by the time you are 50. Discuss this with your husband....as for school.....that's another issue you need to think about and discuss with him. Maybe even wait til after you finish to have another child...depending on what you are going to school for.

Douglas B

Why aren't people figuring this out before marriage? There shouldn't be a question about something like this, it should have been in any and every discussion about what you expect in a relationship. Why aren't you clear about this before marriage? One of you is going to get hurt now.

â™¥â™¥ LINDA â™¥â™¥

Well was there any discussion about this topic before you got married? If so and you agreed to it then I would say Yes you are being selfish. If there was no discussion before you got married then I would say No you are not being selfish. Pleas provide more information.

Kristiane-Cubical ninja

You have a right to say no more kids.
BUT... he is 25 years old and it is also unfair to him if he wants children to be with someone who doesn't.
You may end up divorcing over it if you can't compromise.

sassy_b_6603

You are not being selfish just because you do not want anymore kids, even though your husband has none. That is, however, something you should have discussed before marriage. I wonder, do your kids live with you and him. Surely, he loves them as if they were his own.
This is something you will have to talk through with him and there will probably have to be some kind of compromise.

Maui 23

If you love him enough which i hope you do. You should both have given this some thought before tying the knot. any i wouldn't say that you are being selfish but it would be a wonderful blessing for the two of you to have a child together.

Jasmine

No you're not being selfish this is how you feel and want you want. you should have had this discussion before you were married but things happens.
just a note to self there is online school (which is easy and fits into any ones schedule) Everest online school is great to try. book are included in the tuition as well.
give everest a chance and maybe the decision about having another child will be easier

**GOOD LUCK**

ItJustMe

I think if you love him then you should give him a child! omg you are selfish and that is so wrong! if i was your husband i would think twice about staying with you, i am sorry he has to think about him self! not you if you don't want to give him kids then he needs to find someone who will! sorry but i believe in that your husbands need a part of himself to keep himself going! once he is gone there is nothing he is dead but if you have kids you stay alive with them!!!! that is a gift that GOD GIVES US!!! So I hope he leaves and finds his dreams with someone who will not be so selfish!!!! sorry but your husband needs to be a man and move on!!!!

locita_amor

This is something that you should have talked about before marriage but if I were you I would go to school. You still have a few years before its too late for you to have more kids. Maybe in a couple of years you will change your mind and give him a baby. Good Luck

Adam

You have your own life, and it comes first. You're going to die, remember that, always. One of the two or three most common thing that people about to die say is 'I wish I had been more courageous', ie done things my own way and lived my own life. Children is a HUGE deal. It's not something you can just decide as a compromise; it's simply too big for a compromise. Unless you're not really against it and willing to take the cost, then maybe you could just have one.

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