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My husband hesitates to see his son...(by an ex- girlfriend)?
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My husband hesitates to see his son...(by an ex- girlfriend)?

My new husband and I each have a son from a previous relationship. before my hubby and I married, he would spend time with his son. I've spoken with his son's mom, and although she comes off a bit crazy, I still want him to see his son. I've even pushed for him to go and spend time with his child. My husband has spoken to me about us having a child together and I've told him that I have second thoughts of having a kid with him because of the way he treats his son by his ex. I REALLY don't mind my hubby spending time with his son, I just don't know why he won't. Any answers? Could it be he doesn't want to deal with the child's mom? I'm confused. He's head over heels in love with me but I don't want to come before his child. I've even thought aboutu divorcing him because I don't want to be with a man who won't see his child.


First let me just say that you are a beautiful woman! The fact that you would put a child's happiness over yours?! Bravo. With that said you mention that these issues arose post marriage correct? In that case I would say that the issue is that he doesn't want to deal with the mother. She may very well have taken you guys getting married badly. As such she may be causing him stress to see his son and creating a bad environment for his son every time they fight. I went through something similar with my ex. So much so I had to basically "date" my ex just to get back on friendly terms with her again. Dealing with Ex's with children can be very trying. They are angry that the relationship is over, vindictive if you marry someone else (they ask why not me), and will also make your life difficult just to get back at you. NOT ALL.. but unfortunatelyy alot!

There are many potential "reasons" why a guy wouldn't want to see his son. However, there are no GOOD reasons, that would excuse not seeing him. You appear to be the only one in this marriage with healthy values.

daljack -a girl
My personal opinion is when a man has children and decides not to parent them......he's a boy & and not a man.

Red flag. Lets just say, down the road you two have a baby together and you broke up (it could happen) he will treat your child the same as his ex g/f so...

One so-called Christian man got his finance pregnant and then wouldn't marry her because since she became pregnant she therefore was trashy. He has had nothing to do with his son while his parents have guaranteed the kid financial backing. The Christian man is now married and his wife cannot have children. They have adopted kids from Korea, but he still will not have anything to do with his son. I guess he cannot see past the rocks in his own eyes. I recommend that your husband stays a father to his son.

Horse Up
Thinmint your so smart. Simple ~ He doesn't spend time with his son because he doesn't want to. That simple!
That's the kind of father you will get with your child if you have one with him. Be smart and never doubt your instints when it comes to kids!

i have this problem but in a different way my son's father doesnt want to see is son cause of his new gf ( he believes in real family life and since where not together there is no family no reason for him to be involved.. bull i kno) and it's unfair but what am i to do. this is a hard issue because it involves a child. and yes sometimes there is so many problems between the parents of a child that it doesnt always help the situation and that could be a reason why he doesnt want to see him. but it sounds to me like he isnt really up for tellin u everything he is thinking yet. he might not be ready to share everything he is thinkin or feels about it and dont push the issue to much. trust me he will talk as soon as he is ready to share. dont think about divorce give it a little more time.

Anjelica S
Maybe he feels that him seeing the child would but your relationship in danger. But explain to him that you have no problem him seeing his child and he should be a good father before he could be a good husband.

Im not sure what to say,if its cause he doesint want to see him cause of his ex partner,that make a little bit more sence,but if hes just met you,and now his son doesint fit in with his new life,and he doesint want to remember the messy past where things didnt work out,thats less forgiveable.

Maybe try to have the son over to stay at your house,or try to ask him why his child cant come and stay.Alternatively,maybe he feels guilty when he sees his son and ex partner,for whatever their son might have gone through in the breakup,or maybe his son finds it hard to see his dad with another woman or hes afraid of that.Whatever the reason his son should be as much a part of your lives as possible,its not his fault his parents broke up,and he is a child who deserves to feel harmony and that his parents both love him and all the adults in his life care about him.This behaviour of your partner could cause big problems for his child in the future with how the kid feels about himself and everything.I have seen similar situations with friends and people in my family and know how much pain it causes the child.This is no way to treat a child,especially if his mum is difficult.Tell your husband this blatantly.I dont know what else you can do.

I feel for you too,as this problem cant have been obvious before,but if someone can be fickle enough to forget their child when there life changes or a relationship doesint work out,thats worrying.Good Luck.

Being that this is a new marriage it is a good idea to start communication with him right now so that it is common in your marriage. When we make assumptions we always assume the worst because we feel that if it wasn't that bad he would talk about it. But that's not the case. A lot of times we just need to talk it out of our partners.

I can be reluctant sometimes to talk it out with my spouse because sometimes I don't feel that I am being realistic or have a valid reason. But when my husband approaches me sincerely and concerned I open up to him. So I say you sincerely ask him why. He may feel shame or may not know what to say to his boy when his son asks him difficult questions regarding you and his mother. Talk to him and help him open up to you.

Why not ask HIM why he hesitates to spend time with his kid? Not us. And, shouldn't this have been something you discussed BEFORE marriage. It sounds pretty immature to be thinking about a divorce because you don't like this flaw. That is why you way the flaws and the benefits BEFORE you get married.

i think he is hesitant to see his son because of you; just be patient. you two are newly married so he wants to spend more time with you; im sure he loves his son and will spend time with him. and im definitely sure he will love your future kid so dont worry about it and DO NOT get divorced over something stupid like this

To me he sounds scared. Maybe he's afraid of how you'll feel around his ex, or maybe he's afraid of how he'll feel around her. Men act out their feelings so sounds like something is going on in his head. Try to sit down with him and talk to him about the way he is acting and feeling. Don't divorce him though.

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