My husband is a narcisisst, how do I handle that?

Gabby

No man's religion is worth anything if he neglects his family at home first. I can understand your husband obviously feels a close connection to his church family and that's not a bad thing. But in order to be a good witness to what your beliefs are, you both need to be spending time with people outside the church building. Jesus was with His disciples but he always made time for other people as well.

Tell him that. Perhaps he can give a hand around the house during the week and help out a bit more with the children to give you the free time to spend with your mom, friends, and your other interests. Love always seeks what is better for the other person, not themselves. If he gets mad, let him, he'll get over it.

Take care.

Happy-2

Don't go, and let him be ticked. Too bad so sad for him. Is his anger really so horrific that you'd be willing to tailor your life to his wishes? Surely not!

PS - I hate it when laymen use words like narcissistic without knowing what it means.

opetke

I not sure where you pull narcissist out of this church devotion overload...

...but you've got to realize that church and faith are important parts to the continued health of a human being.

Now, going to church once a week is not a great sacrifice to make for anyone. If necessary, you need to clear more room in the rest of your schedule to accommodate errands, family, and so forth.

Perhaps this means working one less day a week and learning to budget better. Perhaps this means getting up earlier in the day and making due with less sleep.

Whatever the case, your husband wants to go to church. This isn't narcissistic.

If he was sitting in front of the mirror 24/7, that's narcissistic.

So support your husband's relationship with God. The more he looks into the Devine, the more he'll be inspired. The more he's inspired, the better a man he'll be for you and your children.

Good Luck!

bestadvicechick

Well simply put, he's not putting GOD necessarily before you....he's actually putting the social network at church before you. Churches are great places to meet kind & wonderful people. It's great that he's found that and is enjoying it. But it's almost like his HOBBY, if you will. Just because HE enjoys doing it all the time doesn't mean you have to enjoy it also. Explain it to him like that. Tell him you're more than willing to attend church with him on Sundays but you won't give up your entire day or weekend to it. The fact is, God meant for Sunday to be a day of REST. Sure, it's great to worship but then you come HOME, you rest, you visit with your FAMILY (who should mean everything to you), and you just get ready for the week ahead. If he can't understand that then he's an idiot.

Anne W

You need to sit him down and talk to him about your feelings about all of this as that is the only way to work it out with him. If needed, use a marriage counselor to help facilitate the discussion. At the worst you may have to leave him in order for him to realize what he is missing (and you).

life goes on

He needs to know family comes first and its not happening so tell him .

redhead27

I don't think he is a narcissist, a narcissist is only involved with themselves... that means he thinks he is the god in life.

I think your husband is just putting church priorities over his family priorities... was he not religous when you met? I suggest you find a counselor at the church to help you talk with your husband about your concern about all his time being spent at church. He could be just going through a mid-life crisis.

Lisa Marie

What's he running from? Why isn't he wanting to spend time with you and the children?

You said that he used to be attentive but isn't anymore? When he became less attentive you gave less attention and now no one is getting any attention. He's getting a lot of attention at church. Thank yous, good job and glad you could make it is what he hears at church. What does he hear at home? Treat him the way he is treated at church and he'll be willing to spend more time with you.

mariapavletic

If he will be ticked, will be his problem, yours is be where do you really want to be, and not where he wants to put you, you're not his belonging. Tell him. Women don't have to obey their husbands!
You're as important as him in the relationship.

You kind of set the tone for your relationship by always doing what he wanted to do and ignoring your needs/wants. Now you want to change the way things have always been. This will take some compromise. Maybe let him know that while you enjoy the church functions you want to spend time seeing your mother two and divide up the Sundays? Let him know that you have things you like and want to do or need to do. He should understand-if not ask him to help you out more around the house and with other chores. Once he realizes how many things you have to do he may understand why you can't spend all day at church functions. It will take a lot of compromise from both of you but as long as you talk to him-not at him-about it you should be able to work it out.

ouragon

PS - I hate it when laymen use words like narcissistic without knowing what it means.

I hate that, too. If you'd been married to a narcissist for four years you'd know more about it than any of us. Turns out, you're just using a big word you don't understand.

Jesse D

I don't know if he's a narcissist as much as a selfish baby who is always used to getting his way. People resist change, so you deciding not to do the church thing isn't going to please him too much this time round... but it's a fact of life that not everything is going to go his way.

Marcus

Let him be ticked. Church is for the weak anyway. You have your priorities straight. He does not need to dictate that part of your life for you.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: