My husband is leaving for another woman, how do I cope?
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My husband is leaving for another woman, how do I cope?
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My marriage was seriously on the rocks at the beginning of the year, and we did talk about getting a divorce. We were living in the UK at the time, and I was willing to leave my son and him in England so that he wouldn't be lonely (he told me that if I left, our son would be all he had left in the world, and I just couldn't take that away from him). This all came about when I admitted to him that I was no longer in love with him.
At the time, when we were 'separated' but still living in the same house, I was talking to an old guy friend of mine, and I very quickly began to develop feelings for him. Then, after my husband got so jealous and crazy of my talking to him, I stopped. I didn't understand, since we were splitting up, but I felt that I should at least respect his wishes until I had moved back to the States.
So, we go out and have a drunken night of fun, and after that, he asked me if he could come to the states with me too. To see if we could maybe work it out over here. See if I could fall back in love with him. I thought it seemed odd to try and rekindle our failing relationship by an international move, but I agreed, knowing that he was just as unhappy in England as I was, and that perhaps once we were both happy in our surroundings, other things would start to fall into place.
After about a week after arriving in America, I genuinely started to feel closer to him. I started doubting any 'feelings' that I may have had for my guy friend. We were inseparable, and we talked so much about our feelings and our insecurities, and how much we loved each other. Then finally, after about three weeks, I realized that I was falling back in love with him. We've now been in the states for a month and a half.
Shortly after getting here, we began to become close friends with a acquaintance of my mothers. She was funny, honest, and kind, and has two great kids from an abusive marriage she luckily got out of. Turns out she was facing some legal trouble, and last Thursday got put back in jail for a possible violation of her probation (which was a total farce, but that's a question for another time). So at the moment, she is in a detention center, and my husband and I are looking after her affairs and her children (and staying at her house) until she gets released pending an appeal (if everything goes right anyway).
My husband went and got the power of attorney, spoke to her parents about keeping the kids until at least summer vacation (so as not to disrupt their school year), and has been very concerned regarding her and her future. I didn't think much of it, apart from that he was so glad to finally have a good friend, that he didn't want to let her down.
Well, the first day he went to see her in the detention center to get some papers signed, I went looking for some Q-tips after a shower. My friend had given me free access to roam and snoop (although I wasn't), and had even given us her email/social networking sites passwords in case we needed to access them for anything.
So in my search for Q-Tips, I found a drawer in her bedside table (I was getting desperate at this time!), and after just moving aside some undies, found a folded up letter addressed to her, in my husband's handwriting. I didn't want to read it at first, but my curious nature got the better of me, so I opened it up.
Well, I'm sure you can see where this is going. He confessed that he was in love with her, and that he couldn't stop thinking about her, and that he wanted to be with her. So, I hopped on the computer, knowing full well they are both addicted to Facebook, and logged onto her account. Sure enough, there were at least 15 emails back and forth to each other about how much they wanted each other, and how they knew it was wrong, but that they didn't want to stop.
My biggest problem is, that sure, I had started falling back in love with him, however I'm obviously not what he needs to be happy, and at the end of the day, that's all I want him to be. People can't help who they fall for, and she is a very nice woman who needs someone to take care of her, and love her after her abusive marriage. I kinda knew deep down that he and I wouldn't be together forever, but I was hoping that since being back in the States, and that I was falling back in love with him, and he kept professing how much he loved me and that we were soul mates in numerous notes and letters he gave me...I really had hope that we were going to make it.
So here's the question. The woman? She wants to be my friend still, despite what's happened. What do I do about that? My soon to be ex-husband claims that he is my best friend, and he doesn't want to lose me out of his life. How do I deal with that? My son will go with me, that's a given...but he is good friends with her two children...do I have to one day explain that daddy is living with his friends and not us anymore? How do I move on from this? I thought everythin
Additional Details
You're right, WillBe, I did start it, but because I wanted to try and give my marriage a chance to work after 7 years of being married...and I bought his lines, hook, line, and sinker. It amuses me that you would side with him, seeing as you clearly are incapable of placing yourself in the shoes of a vulnerable woman. And as for 'affairs'? When I was speaking with my friend, we were seperated, and had already been to the divorce lawyer. I didn't owe him anything at the time, because we were seperated. That is not an affair, that is trying to move on with my life. He lied, not me. I don't think that his relationship with her will work out, and the man I was interested has moved on with his life as he well should.
However, I never once said that I didn't want him to be with her, because I honestly feel that no one can help who they fall for, and I want him to be happy...perhaps you were speed reading and missed that part. He wants me to have our son now. I'm not taking anything.
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Jezell
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Friends don't treat friends like $h!t. She's NOT your friend. Wave g'bye to him... and get on with your life. |
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Happy-2
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If you can be friends with them, after they deceived you and conspired against you, you are a better person than I am. You are under not obligation to do so, in my opinion, but if you do stay friends, you have my admiration.
PS - I hate it when people come in and tell someone that her details are too long. Yes, you did provide a lot, but your writing skills are so excellent that what you wrote was both easy and interesting to read. |
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SSG D
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He mad e his choice, he has a new family, You need to take your son and move on after getting sole custody of him, as for a friendship with him or the women, drop it, they screwed you, she became your friend only under false pretenses, he is well a ********. For misleading you this way. Move on to better things |
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Forlorn Hope-only 5 suspensions
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obviously she offered him more... find yourself another man... :D |
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sweetlady15
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Why would you even think that someone like that could be a friend?? Would you do that to your friend that is helping you and taking care of your children? She saw what you had and took it !!! Screw her and her screwed up life.... Take your child and make sure he has the normal life that he deserves.... Why would you want him mixed up with people that are in jail and do who knows what to get there....
As for being friends with her kids.... well I am sure that where ever you take him ... he will make more friends there too....
Your husband..... well let him stay with whom he deserves too.... lol It will come back and bite him in the a$$!!!! Best friend of yours .... ha ha that sounds like the banana in the tail pipe... He made the bed and he will have to lay in it....
Go and take care of your son and eventually make a bed for you too....lol |
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the Eyeball rocker
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ditch him. he is gonna repeat it even if he gets a relapse now. |
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MzTerioz
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stop helping her,dont contact her and get away from her and her family. leave your husband becuase you dont deserve that kinda crap. be string for yourself and your child he will understand when he gets older, the longer you stay with him the more you will suffer. tell him to stick the marriage up his bum and leave. let him deal with her and her crap cos she obviously cant hold her own like you can. shes the one in jail and she has kids. meanwhile youve done whatever you can to keep your family together. be strong woman nd find yourself a better man |
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CHRISTINE O
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I've read, and re-read, your question. And, first, I think you are doing the right thing in splitting up. As to who your son stays with, you are again right in working out what you think is best for your son. As for the "other"woman. At the moment, she is in a detention centre. Your (ex) husband and her may be getting on fine via email/letters/visits but things can change when you actually 'live' with someone. Only time will tell on that one, but if he has had 'affairs' before, then it stands to reason that it's highly likely he will do so again. No matter what female he is with and whether he is married or not. You say that you like the woman that your husband is intending to be with and that you also like her children. Maybe that's not so bad. After all, if and when you do separate/divorce, and/if he does set up home with her, then, again, it is more than highly likely that your son with stay with his father, her, and kids at times. Nothing is worse than a child being in between 2 'at war', arguing, unsociable or, worse, not talking, parents. If there is no animosity then you will be happy and at ease when your son does have those times with his father and be able to freely ask what he has been doing, did he enjoy himself etc., etc.,
You will get many people who think you are 'mad', stupid or whatever, but, it's YOUR life, and, in my opinion, you do whatever makes YOU, YOUR SON and his father's life happiest and most comfortable. At least your son knows he has 2 parents that love and consider him and his feelings. I hope that in time, your separation/divorce etc., goes as smooth as possible, and that you eventually find someone YOU and your son can also be happy with. Go with your heart and gut feeling, and I'm sure things will work out just fine.
Good Luck
Christine |
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WillBe
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What a mess, you both had "affairs". Do you think any of the relationships will work out? I don't blame your husband one bit, how can he stay with someone he does not love. You are still taking all his got in his life! He is interested in your "friend" only because he misses genuine female company... this is still your decision because you started it. |
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Jai
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Try to bring it in short........so every one be ble to read and answar it !! |
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Adult 
Gambling
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